“So was psychotherapy and just like priests they would tell you to come back weekly. But in the case of psychologists, until they started to understand the chemical basis of depression and other psychological problems, they couldn’t make people feel as good as priests could. Which was, generally, worth the money. Let me ask you this, if, right now, you could tell someone all sorts of things that are bothering you and then they would tell you that you were forgiven if you did some task and you believed you were forgiven, absolutely, would you do that task?”
Herzer thought about it for a moment and then nodded his head. “Oh, yes. If it would… well, yes. But it couldn’t undo what was done.”
“No, but it could make you feel better about it. That was what the quests were often about to begin with. The concept of ‘geas’ was a binding requirement to attempt a task and either succeed or die in the attempt. In either case they were forgiven. But if they did not succeed and gave up, when the knight died they would burn in hell.”
“Ouch,” Herzer said. “That’s not the way it is in the games.”
“No, but something to understand is that the people of that time, by and large, believed in the truth of confession. Just as many in later times believed that having someone tell them it wasn’t their fault but the fault of bad potty training made things better. And in both cases, because what was going on was entirely in the person’s head, most people ended up feeling better.”
“So where do I sign up?” Herzer asked, grumpily.
“Oh, Herzer,” Bast laughed. “I don’t know of a single remaining Catholic priest in eastern Norau. So I think you might be out of luck, there. But I will give you this much to cling to: although there are some actions in life that are unforgivable, I refuse to believe you have done any of them.”
“But…”
“Hush, my love. Have you killed someone in anger rather than defense?”
“No, but…”
“Have you committed rape?” she asked, carefully.
“No,” Herzer said, after a long pause.
“Hmm… we come close to the boil there I think,” she replied. “And I’m not one to lance it. But that ‘No’ was definite enough for me. I suspect I know what part of your problem is and while I’m no psychologist, what I don’t know about kinky sex hasn’t been discovered.”
“What?” Herzer laughed.
“I’m simply going to have to show you what’s what in the area of rough sex,” she answered, looking at his eyes. “Let me guess, rape fantasies, right?”
“Uh,” Herzer said, blushing furiously. “Bast!”
“Little girls?”
“Bast!!”
“Whips and chains? Little Riding Hood?”
“BAST!!!”
“All totally normal,” she replied, suddenly serious. “Many men want to be the Big Bad Wolf. And that is okay. As long as you know how, when and where to do what. And that, me bucko, is what you’re about to learn.”
“You’re joking,” he said, looking at the fur blanket and stroking a piece of white ermine nervously.
“Not hardly. I can’t believe in this day and age you’re going around all screwed up about dominance fantasies.” The elf snorted. “I’ll admit that I’m not fetished that way but I know the moves and enjoy it from time to time.” Suddenly she smiled shyly and dropped her chin so she was looking up at him out of the side of her eyes, clasping her hands to her chest. “Oh, sir, you’re so big and strong,” she said girlishly, then smiled innocently out of big round eyes. “I’m just a little lost. Do you think you could lead me through the woods?”
Herzer blushed bright red again as his member made it clear that she had hit the bullseye.
Suddenly she took his chin and faced him with total seriousness.
“Look at me, Herzer Herrick. It is not what you feel that makes you evil. Those feelings are natural. Perhaps, someday, I will explore the why to that. But for now, know that. They are as natural as breathing. It is what you do with them that decides if you are a villain or a hero. Let me ask you, and look me in the eye when you answer. If you found such a girl, young, nubile, all alone and lost in the woods, what would you do?”
Herzer looked at her for a long moment, a muscle in his chin working, fighting not to drop his eyes.
“I’d lead her back to town,” he said, finally, with a slight sigh that might have been regret.
“Aye, and give your life in her defense methinks,” Bast answered. “Whatever your past failings.”
“I couldn’t do anything!” he said.
“Shhhh,” Bast replied, laying her fingers against his lips. “And that is the other side. A hurt, once made, cannot be unmade. But they heal, in time. Most anyway. In your case, the hurt, too, will mostly heal. But what will bind the wound and reduce the scar tissue is what you do, Herzer Herrick. But you know that, don’t you?”
“Yes,” he replied, looking at the carpet again.
“Then let us do,” she replied seriously then smiled. “From the looks of things, I’m going to be busy. You have had a hard journey, are you sure you’re up to it?” She winked at him and covered her chest modestly, widening her eyes again. “Oh, sir! I was just bathing and I can’t find my clothes!”
“For you milady,” he said looking up with a gleam of tears in his eyes, “who is young as the air even if you are old as the trees, I will always be up to it!”
“So I see!” she said with a laugh. “And so gallant! Let’s see how long we can make it last this time, fair knight!” She picked up a scrap of towel, placing it over her chest and looking at him with a hint of fear in her eyes. “Please, sir, I’m all alone and you’re so big!”
“The Belle Dame Sans Merci!” Herzer groaned.
“Oh, you’ve heard of me,” she chuckled throatily. And then there was no more talk.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Daneh had stayed in the kitchen puttering with herbs. She knew that some of them had healing properties, but not which and in what proportions. Some of Edmund’s books had marginal notes on them, though, so she had gotten the few available and had been grinding sorrel when Sheida appeared.
“Daneh,” Sheida said from the doorway.
The mortar and pestle flew across the room, the pestle cracking in two against the hard stone wall, as Daneh practically jumped out of her skin. “Don’t do that!”
“I’m sorry,” the avatar replied. “I didn’t think.”
“Well sorry doesn’t cut it, Sis,” Daneh replied, bitterly.
“Well, I am,” Sheida said. “If I’d suspected it would… come apart so fast I would have… done more.”
“Thanks for nothing, Sister,” Daneh snarled. “All you would have had to do was set a damned avatar looking for me. Was that too much to ask?”
The avatar sighed and shook her head. “In retrospect, no. But at the time I was… rather busy. And, as I said, I didn’t expect lawlessness to break out so fast. Humans are so…”
“Sick,” Daneh said. “We’re beasts inside, Sis, that’s something you never realized. Or at least never internalized. I don’t know that I did until I met McCanoc.”
“Well, I’m getting a lesson in it worldwide,” Sheida replied. “There are four thousand three hundred and twenty reported rapes just in the towns that are reporting to me. And in the ones that aren’t… the conditions in some of them are… I don’t know some days, Daneh. Sometimes I think we should just give in to Paul, given what the world is like today. Being a woman in this world is…”