“Hey,” I said, pulling on her chin so she’d look at me. “You’re fine. Don’t make excuses.”
“But Ironside said—”
“I’m not worried about what he said.” I’d forgotten that my hands were still on her hips. Those eyes, and this easy conversation had relaxed me, had me feeling, ridiculous as it sounded, like I could talk to this girl and not guard myself.
“He’s still watching.” She didn’t move her face from my touch, but I glanced to her right, seeing Ironside’s frown and the way the asshole moved his chin at her as though he expected her to keep moving.
“Let him watch. I don’t give a shit.” Around us the music continued, the speakers loud and the pulse of the bass weaving into the small room like overwrought perfume. She probably didn’t know she was swaying in time with the music. Her movements seemed unconscious, like her body couldn’t stop the desire to let the music move her. “You like this song?” The briefest nod and then I was treated to that beautiful smile again. “Show me.”
There was something in her eyes then, a small flicker that she tried to hold back. She battled with herself, with how she wanted to move, maybe with the idea that she was sitting across my lap, my hands resting on her hips like it was the most natural thing in the world. Those soft features hid nothing and I could see the hesitation, the worry fracturing across her face.
“You don’t have to worry about me.” I pulled her closer, not understanding why I did it, not thinking about why I shouldn’t. She drew me in, that soft skin, the faint hint of a scent I didn’t recognize coming from her hair and I couldn’t stop myself from wanting her, from desperately wanting to see how the music would affect her. “Show me what the music does to you.”
She adjusted, paused once then slowly started to move against me, working her hips, closing her eyes as though she’d only be able to manage this intimate dance if she didn’t look at me. Her skin was softer than I imagined, felt like something that I would easily make filthy if I kept messing with it.
“That’s it…” I tried, impressed with the way she moved, a little overwhelmed by the soft texture of her skin and the subtle brush of her hair against my face. She let me rest my hands lower on her body, right against the lace of her thong and when she stilled, fingers trembling, I whispered against her ear. “Still pretending. I promise.”
But I wasn’t sure that was true. My senses were fully engaged—the feel of her body against mine, the smooth whisper of her hair on my cheek, the tempting scent of her perfume—those sensory lures all blended, made me hungry and eager, and just then I didn’t care if Ironside was still watching. This had not happened in a long time. My body had not allowed me these sensations but I didn’t question them. I didn’t examine them. I was too caught in the woman and the slow slide of her body against mine.
After over a year, despite my guilt, those self-appointed punishments, my body ignored the thoughts weighing me down. That phantom voice was finally silent, quieted by the image of this beautiful woman gyrating on me, and my body stopped listening to the protests of that scared, lost kid I’d once been. The one I’d let control me for too damn long.
She offered me a quick glance, one that was closed off and guarded before she held her weight on her knees, shaking harder than ever, rubbing herself right against my dick. When she brushed her fingers across my face, over my mouth, I let her, didn’t pull away, forgetting that I wasn’t supposed to enjoy this. That I shouldn’t be touching her at all.
“Beautiful,” I started, closing my eyes when her breath moistened my bottom lip and she rested further back, a low, satisfied moan leaving her throat when I lowered my fingers on her hips. The sensation was potent, made me drunk and I did what I wanted for once, what I needed. Ironside had gone. The window was covered with a dark curtain, but I still kept up the show. Only now, I wasn’t acting. This wasn’t a performance. “God…who…who are you?” No one had managed to make me want like this, make me crave like this in a long time.
But she didn’t answer. She was wrapped up in the music, letting it move through her as though it controlled her. The sounds she made, that sweet, eager groan from her throat when I breathed against her bare stomach was too much. I couldn’t help myself. Not for another damn second.
“Shit…I…” My mind spun and the confusion of feeling guilt and shame and lust and desperation had me stuttering, unable to keep my hands from stretching over her flat stomach. She didn’t stop me, didn’t protest when my fingers touched the top of her thong. “I need to touch you.”
Only for the night.
That’s all it would be. One night. One moment, and fixating on that one small slip of time allowed my mind and my body to agree, for once, to forget that I shouldn’t feel this good, that I didn’t deserve this, that touching something this beautiful, this sweet, had almost destroyed me.
She moved over me, exulting my senses, exposing emotions that I thought I’d buried deep, and for just those few sweet, obliterating minutes, a beautiful stranger made me feel what no one had since Emily.
“Lower, please” she asked and I was too caught up, too turned on to deny her a thing or to stop myself from feeling what that small, breathy word did to my body.
I touched her. Fingers sliding under her slowly, gazing on her face when I pushed past that thong, to the warm, wet, so fucking sweet cleft of her pussy and yes, shit yes she gave back to me what I thought I’d lost, her trembling body weaving some kind of magic over my own that fogged my mind, had my hands gripping skin, my fingers clutching flesh, straining upwards to meet each grind of her beautiful body against me.
“There…yes.” And I let the dancer use me, her body over mine, rubbing against me, making me needy, desperate and all the while I watched her, head thrown back, fingers digging into my shoulders, while I touched her deeper than I had ever touched anyone ever before.
We were senseless, lost to the communion of music, sweat, sensation all coalescing together, writhing friction that took me where I hadn’t let myself go since I was sixteen, and she breathed out into that dark room, hollowing her whispered pants until I couldn’t hear the music any more or the low hum of the overhead lights; until all that mattered were her soft breathy moans, and the deep groan of my voice mixed with the sensation of her searing heat, the smell of sweat and the labored realization that this beautiful woman I didn’t know was making me come.
Finally. Oh, god, finally… and I let go. I fucking let go against her and away from everything that had held me back…
My gasp—shocked, overwhelmed—became a growling shout, louder than hers, deeper and I only came back to myself when she shuddered, when the bite of her fingernails left me blinking, understanding what had happened right as she came down from her own peak.
“Oh…oh God…” it was all I could manage, that level cry of surprise, confusion. “I just…God.”
She didn’t say anything.
Seconds passed with our breaths mingling, gazes focused, coming together just as reality broke apart the lost moments we had given ourselves instinctively, like it was usual, like it wasn’t some naked desperation that blinds reason, blankets thought.
I saw the question in her eyes, that desperate curiosity that choked down my own. What do you say? What do you feel when this happens with a complete stranger? There was a rush, a booming zip that began to fade just then. It had started the moment she came to me, the second I grazed my fingertips on her wrist. Now it was dimming, numbed by the awkward silence around us.
Seconds lengthened with her damp skin, her heavy breasts resting in my hands and the wet, uncomfortable mess in my jeans making me feel as if I’d pissed myself.
“Um…” it was her voice that broke the trance and the discomfort came in a like soaking splash into that dim, quiet room. Behind that mask, her eyes were shut and the tremble in her hands then wasn’t from arousal. The stiff bearing in her shoulders returned and she sat up, eyes blinking and one small line crowded on her forehead.