THE WAITING ROOM for the critical care unit was small and discreet, tucked away behind the medical area and reserved for the families of the patients who were sequestered there. Kerry cradled her cup in her hands, using the coffee’s mottled surface as a concentration point while she thought.
My father is dying.
Kerry felt the styrofoam surface under her fingers dent slightly as she flexed her hands. The interruption of blood supply due to the stroke had hit in the worst place imaginable—the parts of his brain that kept him alive and breathing without assistance from the noisy machines that dominated the space he was in. The machines that were the only thing keeping him alive.
Around her, the family was seated in grim silence. Her mother, breathing in short, sobbing gasps, sat between Kerry and Angie. Michael was on the other side of her, nervously twisting a tri-fold napkin into a thin, tight line. Richard paced back and forth on the far side of the room, where one of her aunts also sat with an uncle. Nobody wanted to talk.
Kerry knew she was the focus of uneasy attention. She’d heard the ugly whispers as they’d left the CCU unit and walked down the halclass="underline" how she didn’t belong there, how her father had hated her. How it was her fault—causing the strain he’d been under that finally got to him.
Kerry couldn’t even lie to herself and say it wasn’t true, because she knew at some level it was. She’d come to terms with that in her heart, during that week they’d spent in Key West after the hearings. Come to terms with the fact that she’d done what she’d done for the reasons she’d done it, and reluctantly accepted that if she’d had to make the decision all over again, she probably wouldn’t have done it.
But she had, and good or bad, she had to live with that decision for the rest of her life. She’d always held out a faint hope that someday, somehow, after enough time had passed, she’d have a chance to go home and maybe she could sit down with her father and just…talk.
Kerry drew in a breath, feeling the finality of the moment.
There will be no chance of talking now. The doctor had been gentle and kind, but he’d held out no false hope to them. He’d just given them some time to sit down and absorb the truth, and told them of their limited options. The machines could not give him a life again, but they could keep him alive; did they want them to?
Kerry was surprised to feel tears gathering behind her eyes.
44 Melissa Good Surprised that losing him hurt as much as it did—after all that had happened and everything that had come between them, he was still her father.
“Mama.” Angie’s voice was shaky. “Can I get you a drink?”
Kerry looked up to see her mother jerk her head up and down, one hand pressed to her mouth in evident agony. Their eyes met and Kerry slowly extended her cup. “Here, mom, take mine. I haven’t touched it.”
For a moment, she thought her mother would refuse, but then her hand lowered and accepted the cup, spilling it a little as Kerry released it.
“Thank you,” her mother whispered, as she brought it to her lips and took a sip.
Kerry exhaled, slowly looking around the room. The tension was almost a visible fog, and suddenly she wanted nothing more than to be out of there. She stood up. “I’m going to,” she could almost feel the stares on her, “stretch my legs. I’ll be right back.”
Before anyone could think of joining her, she made it to the door and slipped out into the hallway, a puff of cooler air from the vent overhead feeling very welcome in the warm indoors.
She’d forgotten what needing heat was like and had shed her jacket when she’d found herself sweating after a few moments inside the building. At least she thought that was because of the heat.
Kerry stuck her hands in her pockets and paced across the tiled floor, threading through a maze of conflicting emotions.
When she looked up, she found herself outside the CCU unit, looking through the multiple glass windows to the alcove in which her father lay. For a moment she simply stared. Then, with a quiet breath, she went to the quiet corner full of hissing noise and soft beeps…and lost chances.
DAR SAT WITH Duks and Mariana in the lunchroom; the busy crowds lessened in the late afternoon, leaving the big room mostly empty and pleasantly quiet.
“Sure you don’t want a bite of this, DR?” Duks nudged his plate of chocolate cake towards her. “You’re getting me worried about you today.”
Dar waved a hand at him, settled back in her chair, and nursed her glass of milk. “No thanks, Duks. Damn painkillers I’m taking for my shoulder are making me queasy.” She indicated her mostly uneaten lunch. “I’ll take a rain check.”
Mariana chewed a bite of her salad and swallowed. “Dar, why not go home?” She studied her friend’s face. “We can cancel the Thicker Than Water 45
staff meeting.”
Home. Dar felt the strain of the long day and longer night, and the thought of lying down and letting her wound up body relax was very, very tempting. Then she remembered how quiet the condo was without its other occupant, and scowled a little.
“Maybe later.”
“Heard from Kerry yet?” Duks asked casually. “News is very circumspect from there.”
“Not yet.” Dar shook her head, somberly studying her milk.
“Hey, anything come of the internal audit this quarter?”
Duks gracefully accepted the change of subject. “One or two very small things, but they are inconsequential. We are very good at chasing our own tails, is it not true?”
“True,” Dar said. Duks’ alert and aggressive internal auditors watched the computer systems like hawks. One digit out of place brought them sniffing around, even in her area, where the problems usually tended to be misplaced receipts and forgotten cellular bill overages rather than anything more criminal. Their one line woven in the carpet was the one leading to inside her office—
if any of them had any questions, they fed them directly to Duks, who could be depended on to pay Dar a visit and present them.
Or not. Dar had been surprised to find out that Duks would sometimes merely sign off on things that were slightly out of line from Operations, and she’d cornered him on it once. The big VP of Finance had laughed, then seriously told her that just as her judg-ment was trusted without question in her realm, she should extend the same courtesy to him.
Good point, Dar had admitted, after a moment.
Duks had shaken a finger at her. “Just don’t try to get away with anything more than a stick of chewing gum.”
“Worst thing I think you found this time was José taking home cases of Bustelo,” Mari commented with a dry chuckle.
“Mm.” Dar shrugged. “Sounds about right.” She decided she’d had enough chitchat, and got up. “I’ve got problems in the Northeast. Later.” She picked up her tray and deposited it in the collection bin, then left the café.
DAR’S PHONE WAS ringing as she entered her office, and she hurried over to it as she realized it was her private line.
“Yeah”
“Hello, Dar?”
Ah. “Afternoon, Gerry.” Dar circled around her desk and sat down. “What can I do for you?”
The general cleared his throat. “Just came from a meeting, 46 Melissa Good Dar. Me and a few top brass going over your report.”
“Ah.” Dar felt a touch of unease. “Guess it’s going to stir up a lot of crap, huh?”
General Easton paused, then sighed audibly. “Dar, I wanted to talk to you myself about this. Wasn’t the thing we were looking for when we brought you in here, y’know.”
“I know,” Dar replied. “I wasn’t glad to find it.”
“Of course, of course,” Gerry acknowledged hastily. “You wouldn’t, after all, would you? You grew up there, mostly.”