Thieving Fear

It must be an illusion. Her confrontation with Glen had left her feeling penned in, that was all. As she dashed up the stairs the light appeared to flicker, and she was afraid it was about to shut her in total darkness. However insubstantial the footsteps crowding around her might be, they felt capable of robbing her of breath. She stumbled onto the ground-floor landing and gazed upwards. Though it had to be another illusion, the next flight looked narrower still.

She dragged the door to the lobby open, to be confronted by personnel piling into a lift. Someone beckoned her and made just enough space for her, but she waved him and the lift away. She was heading for its twin when she wondered how much of her state she was causing. How could she expect to relax until she'd spoken to Ellen, if then? The editorial meeting wouldn't start for ten minutes. She hurried past the reception desk into the street, where the sunlight rendered Ellen's number on the phone almost invisible. It had barely started to ring when Ellen said 'Gosh, have you bought me already? You must start awfully early.'

Charlotte found she was nervous of being overheard, though the pavement was deserted except for a traffic warden stooping to a parked car. 'Ellen . . .'

'I'm up too, writing. I have been for hours. I keep waking up with ideas.'

'As long as you're enjoying it and you're being productive.'

'I know I haven't sent you any revisions yet. I've nearly finished the chapter where they meet the one who's a witch. Charlotte?'

Was there a hint of panic in the last word? Charlotte hoped she wouldn't aggravate it by saying 'I'm afraid we're going to need more than that.'

'Well, of course you are,' Ellen said and laughed. 'A whole book.'

'No, I mean before we can make the deal. I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have been so eager to cheer you up.'

'I can live.'

'Oh, Ellen. How are you for money?'

'I wish people wouldn't keep asking me that sort of thing. I'm fine. I'm not spending as much as I used to, and don't start worrying about that. It'll do me good.'

Charlotte thought she would have preferred to be attacked for hastiness rather than hear Ellen striving to be positive. 'When do you think you might be able to send me say half a dozen chapters?'

'I'll see if I can by the end of next week.'

'Don't rush, but once I have them –'

'You'll send me my contract.'

'I'll do everything I can.'

'I'd better get started, then.' With scarcely a pause Ellen said 'You won't want a photo, will you?'

'Of what, sorry?'

'What is right. Of your cousin. Some books don't have them.'

'I certainly hope you'd want to do publicity if we can fix it up. All our authors do.'

'Let's get the book written first. And thanks for looking after me.'

In a moment Ellen was less than invisible. Charlotte dropped the mobile in her bag and turned away from the traffic warden, whose reproving frown she could easily take to heart. An empty lift was waiting in the lobby, and she hastened herself in. As the doors took time over closing and the grey cage dawdled upwards she had to quell the notion that the space around her was no larger than the inside of her skull.

TEN

'What's that bitch think she's up to? Who does she think she is?'

'Who are you calling one of those, Rory?'

'Who do you reckon, Hugh? Who do we both know?'

'Not Ellen.'

'Not her, no. She may be stupid in some ways, but nobody's got any reason to say she's a bitch that I know of. Cares too much for her own good about some things, like what people think of her. Have another go.'

'I don't see why you'd be talking about Charlotte.'

'What are you muttering about? Don't you want me hearing?'

'I said Charlotte. I mean, not her.'

'You've not heard what she's done to Ellen, then.'

'What?'

'By gum, I heard that all right. Didn't know you cared that much.' Rory gave Hugh's face time to grow hotter than the sunlight had rendered it before he said 'She's making Ellen change her whole book.'

'She'll be helping her, won't she? That's her job.'

'Shut my gob, are you telling me? I bet she'd like that, but I didn't think you would.'

'None of us would. I said she'll be doing her best for Ellen.'

'I didn't get half of that. You aren't making any sense to me.'

'It's noisy under the bridge. Wait till I'm over,' Hugh shouted, hurrying along the pavement above the road that girdled Huddersfield. In the midst of the thunder of lorries he thought he heard a shrivelled laugh. Pedestrians weren't allowed down there, and he was glad to be well clear of any driver who sounded like that. As he reached the brink of the street that sloped into the town, the mobile enquired 'Am I allowed to speak yet?'

'You never heard me say you weren't.'

'No, I heard you going on about someone that was under somewhere.'

'I didn't say that either,' Hugh protested more nervously than he understood.

'Carry on. You'll have me senseless before you're done.' Without giving Hugh time to respond Rory said 'Let me guess, you were standing up for your favourite girl.'

'She's not my favourite,' Hugh declared too vehemently and too loud. He felt desperate to hide his face as he tramped down to the pallid sandstone buildings around the railway station, although there was nobody in sight to observe him. 'All I'm saying,' he said, 'is Charlotte must know what she's doing.'

'Why?'

'She's paid to.'

'Money makes everything right, is that right?'

'Not everything, of course not, but it won't do Ellen any harm.'

'You reckon if you pay someone you buy the right to tell them how to create.'

'Charlotte won't be forcing her, will she? Maybe knowing she's worked for her money will help as well.'

'I'm losing you again. Where have you got to now?'

Hugh had turned under a railway bridge towards the town centre. 'I've something to do,' he said as he passed into the shadow, 'and then I could come and see you this afternoon if you're not too busy creating.'

'Trying to sound mysterious? That's not you.'

'I'm not trying to sound anything,' Hugh said, only to hear his voice grow close to subterranean. 'I just need to do some research.'

'Thought you'd found yourself someone there for a moment. What are you digging into?'

'I've had an idea for Ellen's next book.'

'Want to be like her cousin, do you? Want to tell her what to write.'

'I am her cousin,' Hugh said and felt absurdly obvious. 'You're wrong about the rest of it. I can't tell her what to do.'

'Sounds like you'd like to.'

Hugh almost retreated under the bridge to hide his progressively mottled face. 'I just want to give her my idea.'

'Let's hear it, then. Surprise me.'

'You mustn't tell her. I will when I've looked into it. Promise.'

'You're still the little brother, aren't you, Hugh? All right, promise. Hope to die.'

'I've thought where her thing that changes people's lives could be.'

'Let me guess. Where we all went back for a walk.'

'You still won't tell her, will you?' Hugh pleaded, feeling more obvious than ever. 'If it's no use there's no need for her to know.'

'Your secret's safe with me. Maybe you should tell her before she thinks of it herself.'

'I'll see what I can find out first, and then are we getting together?'

'I'm losing you again. Is who what?'

'Am I coming to see you?' Hugh demanded loud enough to rouse a muffled echo at his back, though he would have assumed he was too far from the bridge.

'Let's skip it this week. I'm best left alone till I've got a new project on the go. Right now I just feel locked up inside myself.'

Hugh might have pointed out that they hadn't met since the weekend of the funeral. He was opening his mouth when Rory said 'Anyway, you've got your own idea to work on. See to that and forget about me.'