The thought that Michael might ask Judith Gershner to the Non-Denominational Winter Dance had never occurred to me. But as soon as Grandmere mentioned it, I felt that same sickening sensation I'd felt at the ice-skating rink when I'd first seen them together: kind of like the time when Lilly and I were crossing Bleecker Street and this Chinese food delivery man crashed into us on his bicycle and I had all the wind knocked out of me.
Only this time it wasn't just my chest that hurt, but my tongue. It had been feeling a lot better but now it started to throb again.
'It seems to me,' Grandmere said, 'that one way to get this young man's attention might be to show up at the dance on the arm of this other young man, looking perfectly divine in an original creation by Genovian fashion designer, Sebastiano Grimaldi.'
I just stared at her. Because she was right. She was so right. Except. . .
'Grandmere,' I said. 'The guy I like? Well, he likes girls who can clone insects. OK? I highly doubt he is going to be
impressed by a dress.'
I didn't mention that I had, of course, just the other night, been hoping that very thing.
But almost as if she could read my mind, Grandmere just went, 'Hmm,' in this knowing way.
'Suit yourself,' she continued. 'Still, it seems a bit cruel to me, your breaking things off with this young man at this time of year.'
'Why?' I asked, confused. Had Grandmere inadvertendy stumbled across some TV channel playing It's a Wonderful Life or something? She had never shown one speck of holiday spirit before now. 'Because it's Christmas?
'No,' Grandmere said, looking very disgusted with me - I guess over the suggestion that she might ever be moved by the anniversary of the birth of anyone's saviour. 'Because of your exams. If you truly wish to be kind, I think you might at least
wait until your Final exams are over before breaking the poor litde fellow's heart.'
I had been all ready to argue with whatever excuse for me not breaking up with Kenny Grandmere came up with next - but
this one I had not expected. I stood there with my mouth hanging open. I know it was hanging open, because I could see it reflected in the three full-length mirrors beside me.
'I cannot imagine,' Grandmere went on, 'why you do not simply allow him to believe his ardour returned until your exams are over. Why compound the poor boy's stress? But you must, of course, do what you think is best. I suppose this, er, Kenny is the sort of boy who bounces back easily from rejection? He'll probably do quite well in his exams, in spite of his broken heart.'
Oh, God! If she had stabbed a fork in my stomach and twisted my intestines around the tines like spaghetti noodles, she couldn't have made me feel worse . . .
And, I have to admit, a little relieved. Because of course I can't break up with Kenny now. Never mind my Bio. grade and the dance - you can't break up with someone right before Finals. It's like the meanest thing you can do.
Well, aside from the kind of stuff Lana and her friends pull. You know, girls' locker room stuff, like going up to someone who
is changing and asking her why she wears a bra when she obviously doesn't need one, or making fun of her just because she doesn't happen to like being kissed by her boyfriend. That kind of thing.
So here I am. I want to break up with Kenny, but I can't.
I want to tell Michael how I feel about him, but I can't do that either.
I can't even quit biting my fingernails. I am going to gross out an entire European nation with my bleedy-looking cuticles.
I am a pathetic mess. No wonder in the car this morning - after I accidentally closed the door on Lars's foot - Lilly said that I should really look into getting some therapy, because if anybody needs to discover harmony between her conscious and her unconscious, it's me.
To Do Before Leaving for Genovia
1. Get cat food, litter for Fat Louie.
2. Stop biting fingernails.
3. Achieve self-actualization.
4. Discover harmony between conscious and subconscious.
5. Break up with Kenny - but not until after Finals/Non-Denominational Winter Dance.
Tuesday, December 8, English
What was THAT just now in the hallway? Did Kenny Showalter just say what I think he said to you?
Yes. Oh my God, Shameeka, what am I going to do? I'm shaking so hard I can barely write — M
What do you mean, what are you going to do? The boy is warm for your form, Mia. Go for it.
People can't just be allowed to go around saying things like that. Especially so loud. Everyone must have heard him. Do you think everyone heard him?
Everybody heard him, all right. You should have seen Lilly's face. I thought she was going to suffer one of those synaptic breakdowns she's always talking about.
You think EVERYBODY heard him? I mean, like the people coming out of the Chemistry lab? Do you think they heard?
How could they not? He yelled it pretty loud.
Were they laughing? The people coming out of Chemistry? They weren't laughing, were they?
Most of them were laughing.
Oh, God! Why was I ever born????
Except Michael. He wasn't laughing.
He WASN'T? REALLY? Are you pulling my leg?
No. Why would I do that? And what do you care what Michael Moscovitz thinks, anyway?
I don't. I don't care. What makes you think I care?
Um, for one thing because you won't shut up about it.
People shouldn't go around laughing at other people's misfortunes. That's all.
I don't see what the big misfortune is. So the guy loves you? A lot of girls would really like it if their boyfriend yelled that at them between second and third period.
Yeah, well, NOT ME!!!
Use transitive verbs to create brief, vigorous sentences:
Transitive: He soon regretted his words.
Intransitive: It was not long before he was very sorry that he had said what he said.
Tuesday, December 8, Bio.
Gifted and Talented was so not fun today. Not that Bio. is any better, on account of the fact that I am stuck here next to Kenny, who seems to have calmed down a little since this morning.
Still, I really think that people who are not actually enrolled in certain classes have no business showing up in them.
For instance, just because Judith Gershner has study hall for fifth period is no reason that she should be allowed to hang