Are you teasing me, Dove? Mocking me?’
‘No, I’m not teasing you. This is deadly serious.’
‘I know.’
‘A literal dead-end.’
‘Yes … Every fibre of my body and brain tells me so.’
‘So … what about you?’
‘I still exist, Dove.’
‘You haven’t been incapacitated yet, then?’
‘No, as you can see, I’m still here.’
‘Being … yes, you’re a being. But it only takes a “non” to turn “being” into “non-being”.’
‘Are you trying to frighten me, Dove? I’ve read about, heard and seen the state of non-being with my own eyes. And I have not come from the desert of non-being just to be returned to it. You know I have taken the name of a bird. A bird cannot be destroyed, rather, a bird is besmeled.‡ That is the non-being that we mentioned in the beginning together, you and I.’
‘But you’re thirsty, aren’t you?’
‘Yes … and down there is water. A little hope perhaps?’
‘It depends on how long you can survive in the name of “dove”. And on how long it will be before you succumb to fatigue. You are, after all, made of skin and bones and nerves!’
‘Dove … dove …’
‘Daybreak is approaching, the infernal sun.’
‘I will put an end to this before dawn, Dove, before the dawn arrives and sunlight appears!’
‘Why don’t you pay a visit to the neighbouring trench?’
‘You’ve read my mind there. I’d thought of doing precisely that. I’ll be there in a moment. I’m here to conquer, Bird, after all. I’m here to win a battle, so I don’t have any other choice, do I? Death is my only option! The water tank is down there. In a secure location. I’ve lost five men already trying to get to the water tank. I have to fetch that water myself. I’ll bring back all of the water bottles full. But …’
‘Yes. It is exactly as you see. The enemy troops were also seven in number, and now …’
‘Aaaaah! No doubt their lips are cracked and so is the skin on their hands. And their faces have all shed skin … teenagers … aaaah … my young men … is this how you were hushed up?’
‘Yes, warrior! They got there sooner than you. They were quicker and braver. You can check their heartbeat with your ears. Maybe some of them still have a pulse.’
‘Yes … yes … maybe water will be still useful.’
‘It’s much easier than bringing water up, and burying corpses is much harder than providing water …’
‘… or getting besmeled while bringing water up. I don’t want to die this easily, no! They’ve left their guns for me — my inheritance. And one of them is from a religious minority, he has two chains and plaques round his neck. Two! They all tore their collars in frustration, Dove. Suffocation … When the blood can’t make its way to the brain … Ah … if only I could wash the dust off them with a bottle of water. I will return, my men … for the time being, I will borrow one or two weapons and these flasks. And you, my friend, put the receiver of the radio telephone back on its cradle, it’s stuck in your hand. I will return … I will return. You can count on it. We will see each other, either here or somewhere up there. Bah … he can’t even hear what I’m saying … his brain, with what little strength remains, receives the message, but his tongue is unable to speak. He cannot respond. Is it not so, Dove? Jamoo, wrap the soles of my feet in rags, will you! Quickly and skilfully. Patak!§ They call this patak! It’s a winter binding for the feet. But if you don’t want the sound of your footsteps to be heard, it can be useful in this season as well. Now take these — there’s one, two, three sniper magazines for you. I want you to focus your fire on the spot where the shooting is coming from. And here is a machine-gun magazine in case our enemy loses his head and emerges firing from his foxhole. And now all that remains is our captive friend … let me see if his hands are tied securely enough behind his back. Tight. Yes, like that. I’ll lay him facedown, on the hill, with his head pointing down the slope. I know … he’ll puke up whatever’s inside him. But there’s nothing left in his stomach. What choice do I have other than to be cruel? We’re taught never to assume that the enemy is weak. I’m taking these measures for your protection, Jamoo — Dove! You must remain alert and your mind must be calm. You do understand me, don’t you? Answer by nodding your head if you understand, and if you can manage it, say something too, anything. Come on boy, dawn is breaking. We have to say goodbye! Say it … Dove!’
‘Death. Have you ever thought deeply about death, Lieutenant?’
‘If I ever find out why I was born, then maybe I’ll also find the time to think about death, Dove.’
‘No, really, I’m speaking in earnest, because it’s perfectly possible that you won’t come back.’
So I responded just as earnestly. ‘Do you want me to go mad thinking about death before it comes? Why? Isn’t it the case that the whole meaning of my life and death is summed up in my circling this damned hill, dragging myself up like a wild cat and eliminating the sniper whose eyes and hand never make mistakes? I’m only sorry I didn’t make more of an effort to stop those five hot-headed young men. But in the suffocating atmosphere of the trench how could I simultaneously issue orders and obey them too? I wish at least one was left; that’d make it easier to take out that sniper, as we could crawl up both sides of that damned hill.’
‘So now I find myself as the sixth man, and having no choice I set off to conquer. I’ve said farewell to the seventh, but … I will not say goodbye to you, Dove. Time is short. We’ll see each other again up there.’
* Arabic, meaning ‘You! Drink, drink!’
† Reference to the first line from a poem by Khaqani, a 12th-century Persian poet: ‘The desert is a sea, the camel a ship, and Arabs waves / Waqese the border of the sea and Mecca its end in their eyes.’ Waqese was one of the caravan stops on the way between Kufa and Mecca. The poem refers to the pleasantness of an otherwise harsh desert in the eyes of Hajj pilgrims.
‡ Besmel refers here to the supplication required in Islam before the sacrifice of any animal (known as the besmellah, or bismillah, meaning ‘in the name of Allah’). The speed of the ritual is such that the animal (or person) is dead before the recitation can even be completed. The full incantation runs as follows: Allah humma hada minka wa lak. Besmellah. Allah o Akbar. (‘O Allah, this [animal or sacrifice] is from You and for You. In the Name of Allah. Allah is the Greatest’).
§ Farsi, meaning ‘small blanket’.
7
A KNOCK at the door!
It’s late at night. Outside the door stands the major. In the background, the silhouette of a jeep can be seen, but this view is soon obstructed as the major steps inside, passing a folder from his left hand to his right, and with each movement the folder cries out quietly: do you see what you are doing to me, Katib? This folder is not allowed to be taken out of the military zone. It’s a standing order. It belongs to the classified-secrets section … it has a Red Crescent seal on it … I argued the matter all day with Red Crescent officials and their idiotic interpreters! I can’t keep the corpse in the morgue any longer. The case must be closed. Every incident has a certain amount of time allotted to it according to its importance, and no longer. So, finish the job, will you? I even escorted you into the military zone, which was strictly against the rules! I showed you the film, the confessions … they’ve even been written down and documented. I showed you the culprits and left you alone to speak with them. What more do you want? Are you trying to suggest with your denial and this silence that what you’ve seen or heard is a lie? That I’m a liar who wants you to craft a lie? That the army is some kind of factory of lies? That I … merely want a plain detailed report of my lie from you?