‘That’s not the issue here. You were the one in command, and you decided on a particular course of action!’
‘It was inevitable, sir. Inevitable! As deranged as they were, my men knew that they didn’t want to die of thirst in their own trench! Between staying put and dying or going to find water and saving the others they chose the second option. Hoping that they might succeed. Their action was the height of honour and self-sacrifice as well as of desperation and helplessness. Is it my fault that war knows nothing of honour? Each of them went down in the hope of rescuing the remaining men from certain death, even if the price was martyrdom. But that Saad who I took captive was extraordinarily skilful and every shot of his found its target!’
‘Why didn’t you kill him?’
‘Sir?’
‘I asked why you didn’t kill him in the trench there and then, when you came upon him and put the tip of your bayonet on his spine and pressed the muzzle of your sidearm to his temple?’
‘Yes … I couldn’t, sir.’
‘You couldn’t? What do you mean you couldn’t? Your bayonet was pointed right at his spine, wasn’t it?’
‘Yes sir. It would have been possible to shove the bayonet into his spine and he would either have died instantly or been crippled for life. I could also have blown out his brains with my pistol. But I couldn’t. I can’t kill a human being.’
‘What? You can’t kill a human being? Why did you go to war, then?’
‘To do my duty and if necessary to kill soldiers.’
‘I don’t understand. You’re not making any sense!’
‘It’s quite simple, sir. Soldiers are different from human beings. You can’t see a soldier’s face from far away. They usually move in groups, as enemy units. You kill a nameless opponent. A soldier or soldiers are killed with your weapon and they fall to the ground. But a human being … No! That morning, the small of my prisoner’s back was drenched in sweat, which left a trail of perspiration on that part of his jacket. The smell of his sweat reached my nostrils and I saw him shiver suddenly, as if emptied of life! His heart beat louder and louder as I stood over him. Louder by the minute. I could hear him breathing. Panting like a trapped bull. Straight away, he dropped his gun and one of our men — who he had taken prisoner — pulled the gun towards himself with his foot. He surrendered. He dropped his weapon and surrendered. Complete surrender. It felt like his wish had come true as he was taken prisoner. I saw him turn into someone different, into himself, into a person. The man was exhausted. The unit under my command was only responsible for scouting and reporting the situation at the enemy front line to the relevant command centre. We weren’t a combat group. Although, naturally, we hadn’t gone to the front just for fun!’
‘Lieutenant … there is a note in this file to the effect that you volunteered for military service. You were an only child, which would have given you a reasonable excuse to stay in the reserves. But you insisted in no uncertain terms on going to war. Tell us in your own words … what subject did you study at university?’
‘Pure maths, sir!’
‘Pure maths? What’s the use of pure maths?’
‘It has all sorts of uses — and none!’
‘How so?’
‘Like pure poetry. Pure maths is like pure poetry. Like sheer poetry. It may or may not have a use. To be honest, I wanted to become Khwarizmi, but I turned into Ayn al-Quzat! I was thinking of studying astronomy but it never happened and I … was besmeled!’
‘Lieutenant, could you tell us your main motive for volunteering to join the army?’
‘The enemy’s presence, the presence of the enemy, the homeland and a sense of duty and …’
‘Could you please describe your family circumstances to this court, fully and frankly? We are all soldiers here, regardless of our varying degrees of responsibility and rank. You had a sister, too, a medical student, didn’t you? Isn’t it true that she disappeared during the troubles?’
‘No, sir. She turned into a dove as well!’
‘A dove? What do you mean? Was her name “Dove”, or are you speaking figuratively …?’
‘No, sir, she became a dove. They took her away and for weeks there was no news of her. Sometime later, one morning when I was getting ready to go to college, as I put my foot up on the edge of the pool to tie my shoelaces, I noticed that Mahi had turned into a dove and was sitting on the roof: “Good morning, Koochik,”§ she said. “I’ve become a dove! It was you who told me people can turn into doves!” As I stood there, gazing up at her, she asked me to burn her clothes if they were ever sent home. She told me they were dirty and unhygienic. She’d been a bit of a cleanliness freak since childhood, our Mahi, very obsessive-compulsive. That’s why she was studying psychiatry. Then she flapped her wings and flew off and every morning thereafter I’d hear her voice from the rooftop. But I couldn’t see her anymore. Yes, sir, Mahi became a dove too!’
‘Then what happened?’
‘Then … it didn’t take more than six months for our mother to die of grief.’
‘And after that?’
‘Before he went mad, my father moved to another province to stay with the family of his sister, who had a daughter betrothed to me, called Mahsa.‖ We called her “Dove” too. She was studying architecture. But when they rescued her from the cellar of the ruined house she didn’t have any fingernails left, from clawing at the cellar walls to try and find a way out. Three days had passed since the house was bombed.’
‘Why? Why did that happen? Was she anti-revolutionary too?’
‘No, sir. She studied interior architecture and usually did her homework in the cellar of the house, in the empty, shallow pool. In fact, that old cellar was her study. When one of the enemy missiles hit my aunt’s home, Mahsa was preparing for her thesis exam in the cellar’s empty pool with one of her university friends. After struggling for three nights and days to escape, they were weak and exhausted. And they were terrified too, sir. They found them lying side by side, with their heads on each other’s shoulders. Would you like to see Mahsa’s photograph, sir? But no, I’d better not … it’s a family photo. Her head isn’t covered. I’ll describe her to you instead. She’s got auburn hair, hazel eyes and a pale complexion. It’s a full-length portrait.’
‘So after that you decided to join up and fight?’
‘No, it was long before that, sir. Please don’t belittle me! I was already at the western front when that incident took place. No one had the heart to tell me until I went on a five-day leave.’
‘Did that incident have any effect on your mental state, Lieutenant?’
‘It must have had some effect, I guess. The dovecotes at the house were flattened too.’
‘Lieutenant! I want you to listen carefully to what I’m about to ask you and make sure that your answer is correct and precise!’
‘I’m all ears, sir!’
‘You … Mister Koochik-Kameh, nicknamed Kehtar,a you caused the martyrdom of five of our brothers while you yourself … How is it that you didn’t feel any remorse and weren’t afflicted by guilt after your subordinates were martyred while you … survived?’