‘Would you?’ I ask quietly. I’m not sure how he’ll answer. All I’ve got to go on is how desperate he is for a baby.
His eyes lift slowly, revealing a sadness I’ve never seen before. Or it could be disappointment. I’m not sure. ‘Do you feel that?’ He flattens my palms on his chest and holds them there firmly. ‘It was made to love you, Ava. For too long it was useless, redundant, not required. Now it’s gone into overdrive. It swells with happiness when I look at you. It splinters with pain when we fight. And it beats wildly when I make love to you. Maybe I go overboard with my love, but that’s never going to change. I’ll love you this fiercely until the day I die, baby. Children or not.’
I’m crippled more than ever before. It really isn’t possible for me to love this man more. ‘I never want to be without your fierce love.’
He reaches up and slides his hand around the base of my neck, pulling me down so our foreheads meet. ‘You won’t be. I’ll never stop loving you hard. It’ll only get harder because every day that passes we create more memories. Memories I’ll treasure, not memories I want to forget. My mind is being filled with beautiful images of us, and they are replacing a history that lingers. They’re chasing away my past, Ava. I need them. I need you.’
‘You have me.’ I breathe, shifting my hands up to his shoulders.
‘Don’t ever leave me again.’ He kisses me gently. ‘It hurt so badly.’
I sit up on his lap and pull him up with me, wrapping my arms so tightly around him and pushing my mouth to his ear. ‘I’m crazy in love with you.’ I whisper. ‘Fiercely, too. That’s never going to stop, not ever.’ I kiss his ear. ‘End of.’
His head turns into me, catching my lips. ‘Good. My heart is swelling.’
I smile a little as he reinforces his happiness with his kiss, drifting back down in the tub until I’m sprawled across his chest. We just kiss, for a long, long time. It’s gentle and sweet, but it’s what we both need right now. Pure, unapologetic, powerful love. It’s potent. It overpowers us both.
He pulls back and encases my face with his hands. ‘Let me bathe you.’
‘But I’m comfy.’ I just want to lie on his chest and stay until the water cools and I’m forced to vacate the giant tub.
‘We can be comfy in bed and you can fall asleep in my arms where you’re supposed to be.’
I frown. ‘It’s not even mid-afte…’ I halt. ‘I’ve not gone back to work!’ I start to scramble off him to call Patrick, but I’m swiftly restrained and pulled back down to his chest.
‘I took care of it. Unravel your knickers, lady’
‘When?’
‘When I brought you home.’ He turns me around in his lap and retrieves the sponge from the water.
‘What did you tell him?’
‘That you’re ill.’
‘He’ll be sacking me soon.’ I sigh and lean forward, dropping my heavy head between my propped up knees and letting Jesse soak me all over with lazy rubs and squeezes of the sponge. The silence is comfortable, my mind serene. I close my eyes and absorb the love that’s flowing into me from our contact through the sponge. That’s how powerful it is. It can battle through any obstacle that’s placed between us, be it an inanimate object, such as a simple sponge, or a living, breathing person, such as a Coral or a Sarah… or a Mikael. Nothing can or ever will tear us apart… only us.
When he’s looked after me for a while, he wraps me in a towel and sits me on the vanity unit. ‘Stay there.’ he orders gently before dropping a chaste kiss on my lips and leaving me with a furrowed brow.
‘Where are you going?’ I call after him.
‘Just wait.’
I hear him rummaging and the crumpling of a paper bag, and he’s soon standing in front of me again, holding it up with slightly raised brows. ‘What’s that?’ I ask, pulling my towel in a little more.
He takes a deep breath and opens it up, thrusting it towards me so I can take a peek. I throw him inquisitive eyes and lean forward to look in the bag. As soon as I register the contents, I bolt upright on a shocked gasp. ‘You don’t believe me?’ I’m hurt and it’s obvious.
He rolls his eyes and reaches in, pulling out a pregnancy test. ‘Of course I do.’
‘Then why do you have a paper bag with…’ I grab it and tip it upside down, emptying the little boxes into the sink next to me. I start picking them up and chucking them on the counter. ‘One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight. Why do you have eight pregnancy tests?’ I turn my eyes back to my mad-cap husband and wave one of the boxes under his nose.
He shrugs sheepishly and bats the box away. ‘There are two in a box.’
‘Sixteen?’ I blurt.
He starts opening one of the boxes. ‘Sometimes they don’t work properly. They’re just back-ups.’ He slides a stick out and takes it to his mouth, ripping off the plastic packaging before he thrusts it at me. ‘You have to pee on this bit here, look.’
I watch him pull the cap off the end and point to the only non-plastic part of the stick. ‘I did one at the Doctor’s, Jesse. I know how they work. Why won’t you take my word for it?’
His lip slides straight between his teeth and starts to receive a nervous chew. ‘I do take your word for it, but I need to see it for myself.’
I feel a little offended, although I have no right to be. I’ve already mislead him and played with that crazy mind. I can’t blame him for wanting official confirmation. ‘How long have you had these?’
He pouts and shrugs guiltily, dropping his eyes. He doesn’t need to say. I put my hand out and his eyes lift. They are sparkling again.
‘Give,’ I nod at the stick and watch as his lip slips through his bite, and he smiles. He really really smiles. I think this smile even tops his one reserved only for me. I quickly bat away the silly pang of jealousy that stabs at me because of it. I’m being ridiculous. I jump down from the unit. ‘Some privacy please.’
He recoils, a look of disbelief on his face. ‘I’m staying.’ he says incredulously.
‘I’m not peeing on a stick in front of you!’ I shake my head. ‘No way, Ward.’
He sits down on the floor in front of me, his towel gaping open and revealing… everything. ‘Move me.’ He’s fighting a smug grin from his lush lips.
‘I’ll use another bathroom.’ I retort haughtily as I sidestep him to exit the bathroom.
I yelp as my ankle is grasped and I’m suddenly trying to pull a dead weight to escape. ‘Jesse!’ I tug my leg, but it’s completely hopeless. I turn to find him lying on his stomach, now with both palms wrapped around my one ankle. He’s looking up at me with adorable, shimmering eyes, and he’s pouting. ‘Humour me, baby. Please.’ He actually bats his long lashes at me.
I try my hardest to restrain my smile, but when he’s looking at me like this, it’s just impossible. ‘Can you at least turn around?’
‘No,’ He jumps up and whips his towel off, his beauty hitting me like a sledgehammer. ‘Does this make you feel better?’ He holds his arms to the sides, and I can’t stop my appreciative gaze dragging down his solid loveliness.
I sigh happily. ‘No, that just distracts me.’ I muse, continuing to drink him in, all of the way down before casually and slowly back up again—all of him. Every wondrous, magnificent, sickeningly perfect inch of him. I reach his face. His eyes have smoked out, and I know mine have, too. ‘You wield that physique unfairly.’
‘Of course I do. It’s one of my best assets.’ He reaches forward and yanks my towel off. ‘It comes a close second to this one.’ His eyes leisurely skate down my nakedness, and he sighs to himself. ‘Just perfect.’
‘You won’t say that when I’m fat and swollen.’ I grumble, suddenly realising that I will, in fact, get fat and swollen. ‘And if you say there will be more of me to love, then I might divorce you.’ I snatch the towel up and re-wrap myself, ignoring his obvious annoyance.
‘Don’t say the word divorce.’ he threatens, taking my hand and leading me to the toilet. ‘If it makes you feel better, I’ll eat for two, too.’ He’s looking down at me with a smirk.