“A pool?” Llona stared at him uncomprehendingly.
“An office lottery. They drew lots to see who went first, second, and so on, and then each of them had a crack at seducing her. And they arranged it so she’d have to wear some sort of special underwear, and the one who brought back the underwear to prove he made it, he gets all the money in the pool. Hah!” Mortimer chortled. “And all the time her poor jerk of a husband doesn’t know his wife’s the prize in the office sex lottery. That’s what broke Archer and me up. The thought of the silly slob probably thinking his wife’s working to help him out when all the time she’s up for grabs. Isn’t that a pistol?”
“A bistol!” Llona agreed through clenched teeth.
“See? There are tears in your eyes too.”
“Yes. I know.” What Llona didn’t tell him was that they were tears of furious anger.
“But you’re not laughing.”
“Inside I ab,” Llona assured “Inside I’b laughigg like crazy.” And there was some truth to it. Mad as she was, Llona could still find a chuckle of satisfaction in the thought that she’d frustrated them one and all. Office pool indeed! Well, at least none of them had been able to collect!
But it wasn’t solace enough. Llona was mad and she had stayed mad. Every time she thought about it during the next few days as she waited out her cold, she became furious all over again. Actually, she stayed out of the office longer than was necessary. Knowing that Raunch Rammer himself was in on it, she told herself she was entitled to collect money for just sitting at home, even if she was no longer sick. That was the least she had coming to her by way of revenge.
Revenge was what she wanted all right. She thought of and discarded a dozen means of getting it. Then, over the weekend, it fell right into her lap with the ringing of the doorbell.
Llona opened the door to find Cal Lowe standing there, a large bouquet of flowers in one hand, a box of candy in the other. “I knew y-you were sick, so I th-thought I’d stop b-by and try to cheer y-you up,” Cal stammered, blushing.
Llona stared at him with all her pent-up rage coming to a boil. Even the office boy! Not just the staff! Even this mewling kid was in on it! The colossal gall!
“W-why are you 1-1-looking at me like that?” Cal shrank back at the expression on her face. “I g-guess maybe I shouldn’t have c-come, huh?”
“Why not?” Llona asked sweetly, rage having cleared her sinuses altogether by now. “Do come in.” Spider webbing closed off the foyer as he buzzed along behind her into the living room. “Sit down.” She indicated the couch. It wasn’t covered with flypaper stickum, but it should have been. He sat down. She stood over him, hands on hips, staring him down.
“Is your c-cold any b-better?” Cal asked. It was a warm day; why did he feel chilled?
“Oh, yes, it’s much better.” Llona thought for a moment. Then she nodded. She’d reached a decision. She sat down on the couch, very close to Cal.
“I h-hope the c-candy is the kind you l-like,” Cal said helplessly.
“Oh, yes,” Llona purred. “And so sweet of you to bring it. Awfully sweet, really. I think you deserve a reward.” She grabbed his head firmly in her two hands and kissed him. It was a long, deep, expert kiss.
“Hey! P-Please!” Cal broke away. “I can’t hold a k-k-kiss for such a long time. I have a d-deviated septum and it makes it hard to b-breathe.”
“Oh, you poor boy.” Llona oozed solicitude. “Then I guess I’ll just have to find other places to kiss to show my gratitude.” She kissed his ear, and then his neck. “That doesn’t bother your breathing, does it?” she asked throatily.
“N-no.” Cal felt dizzy. Things were moving too fast for him. “B-But why?”
“You’re a very attractive man,” Llona told him. She stroked his thigh. “Even irresistible, I might say. But surely you know that.” She bit his earlobe. “Lots of girls must have told you that. Be truthful now. Isn’t that so?” She slid her hand inside his shirt and caressed his chest.
“N-No.” Cal was truthful. “To be honest, with m-most girls--well, I s-sort of t-turn them off.”
“Well, you don’t turn me off.” Llona slid her hand further down, under the waistband of his trousers. He jumped. “What’s the matter?” she asked.
“That t-tickles.” Cal giggled nervously.
“Don’t I appeal to you?”
“Oh, g-gosh yes! You sure d-do!”
“Wouldn’t you like to make love to me?” Llona cooed.
“W-Well, yes. Yes, I sure would. Only --”
“On1y?”
“Uhh-- Isn’t it the man who usually-—? You know.”
“Now, Cal, we’re going to be honest with each other. When you came up here today, weren’t you really hoping to make love to me? Didn’t you have it in the back of your mind to—-oh! it’s such a trite word—seduce me?”
“Eh-- Yeah. The idea crossed my mind. But I didn’t think--”
“Then let it happen, lover. Just let it happen.” Llona stood up and slipped out of her dressing gown. She stood naked in front of him and stretched sensually. “You’ve got too many clothes on,” she purred. “Let me help you.” She removed his jacket and started unbuttoning his shirt. “Why, you’re trembling,” she noticed.
“J-Just a little chilled, I guess.” Cal gulped. He was naked now and he had to fight the impulse to fold his hands over his groin figleaf fashion.
“Don’t I excite you?” Llona asked, eyeing him pointedly.
“Well, sure. It’s just so f-fast.”
“We'll fix that.” Llona was confident. She knelt beside him and worked her wiles. “There. That’s better.” She stood up and pulled him to his feet. “Much better.” She stroked him intimately. “Much, much better.”
“Yeah.” Cal was pleased. He squared his shoulders. He hadn’t known he could grow so large. He’d never felt so manly.
Llona lay down on the couch, her thighs apart. She held out her arms invitingly. “Take me, lover!” she crooned.
Cal sprawled over her. He scrambled to his knees and reared back. Greedily, he squeezed L1ona’s lush breasts and plunged forward.
WHAM! Llona swung from the shoulder with all her might. The blow caught Cal smack on the side of the head and dislodged him from his perch before he pierced target. He toppled to the floor like a felled tree. Even as; he sprawled there, dazed, Llona was on him. She kicked for the groin, but—fortunately for Cal -- her rage threw her off and she caught him in the stomach.
“OOF!” Holding his gut, doubled over, Cal scrambled away from her. He took refuge behind an armchair across the room. He didn’t have the wind to speak, but his eyes were brimming over with unasked questions.
Llona supplied some of the answers. “Office lottery!” she screamed, hurling an ashtray at him. “Fun and games for the whole office and the victim is the last to know!" She followed up the ashtray with the vase. It shattered against the wall behind Cal and the flowers he’d brought cascaded over him, clinging soggily to his head and shoulders. “You teen-age lecher!” The box of candy followed. and Cal was spattered with syrupy chocolates.
“J-Just a m-mi-minute!” he pleaded, scraping a maraschino cherry from his right ear with a flower stem. “Ouch!” the stem had thorns.
“Go ahead! Deny it!” Llona flung a stack of magazines. She looked around wildly, frustrated; there was nothing else to throw. “Go on, you pipsqueak Romeo. Just try to deny it!”
“All I’m t-trying to d-do is g-get my clothes and g-get out of here,” Cal told her desperately.
“First I want to hear you admit the truth.” Llona sat down; firmly on his clothes, took a firm grip on the end-table lamp and brandished it at him threateningly. “Go on! Admit it!”
“Admit wha--wha--what?”
“Admit there was an office pool to see who could seduce me first.”