Yarborough still wouldn't convince."This is… You're quitting?"
"I'm not quitting. I'm just not going on the street anymore. Taking a promotion, getting a desk."
Vin asked: "What brought this on?"
"The years brought it on. I can't keep doing this."
"Hunting freaks?" Soledad wanted to know.
"Beating the odds. I've been lucky a long time—"
"You've been good," Yar added in.
Bo gave a modest shrug."Maybe I've been a little of both. Maybe. I used to be. But I've lost it. Simple as that. I've lost it and…" Bo hesitated, started again."I shouldn't say this, I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm scared."
Yarborough laughed a little: the idea of Bo being afraid of anything. But then he saw Bo wasn't making fun. He was serious. He was scared.
Bo: "Better off to leave upright than stretched out. And I'm sure as heck better off moving on before I get one of you killed."
Vin asked: "And there's no talking you out of it?"
"You could, but I'd still end up dead. Only difference is it's Kathy who'd do the killing."
Bo laughed, and they all knew it was okay to laugh with him, so they did.
"Never seen her so happy," Bo went on."Not since we had our second. Not since before I went MTac. Good time to step aside anyway. Soledad's back. She can more than take up the slack."
Soledad tried to stay stern-faced, serious and professional, but Bo's vote of confidence put a little light in her.
"It's time for the new. It's over for me." A pause."And I'm glad for it."
There was a moment where everyone worked at accepting the facts.
Vin asked: "Now what?"
Bo answered: "Now we reorganize a little." Turning to Yarbor-ough."I've talked to Rysher. I've given you the recommend for SLO. It's yours if you want it."
SLO. Did he want it? Paperwork. That was a consideration. Lead officers had to do all the write-ups and reports from each call. They had to track bulletins from every other MTac both in and out of state. And if a call went bad, if people got killed, the blame got tossed squarely on the SLO's shoulders. Fingers very clearly got pointed their way. Yar knew, and would admit, he wasn't the highest-velocity bullet in the clip. The paperwork, the responsibility: Yar could go the rest of his life happy without being touching distance to any of that. But…
Having the chance to be the first guy through the door when it came time to drop a mutie…? And didn't chicks dig top cops? Sure they did.
"Yeah," Yar said."I want SLO."
And that was that.
Soledad and Vin gave Yarborough some goodwill and backslaps. Bo was proud father in his look. Yar was swimming with smiles.
And then all the good-naturedness went away. Everybody went quiet. The guard was changing. Change is scary.
Yar asked: "What about the fourth slot?"
"TOL. Out of the academy."
Soledad didn't like what she was hearing."Out of the academy?"
Bo said: "You were academy once."
"And I spent time in SPU before I went MTac."
"We're shorthanded. We just lost four cops." Sheepishly, almost like a guy sneaking off a sinking ship: "Five counting me. Most of the blues, even SWAT, have no desire to step up to MTac, especially knowing there's a telepath out there. We got to take 'em like they come. Her marks are high." Sly smile from Bo."Higher than yours."
Soledad handed the smile right back. Hers said: Don't think so.
"Guess I ought to get things started." Bo got up, headed for the door.
Yarborough was moving right with him."Bo…"
He turned.
"I'm sorry you're leaving the element. I've got nothing but respect for you. Nothing but. It's… it's an honor you should let me take your slot."
Bo got a laugh out of that."An honor? You have a good sleep last night?"
"Last night…?"
"Let me tell you how your nights're going to be from here on. Every one of them's going to be spent sweating over the day: Did you make the right choice? Could you have done something different? If you had another chance, would things turn out some other way? Would one of your operators still be alive instead of a body on a slab? Bodies will end up on slabs, Yar. And all the should'ves and could'ves in the world doesn't change the hurt you'll feel. Know that. Believe that. Ask yourself if you can make up a duty roster knowing writing a name is no different than pointing at a man and saying: You get to come home in a bag today. And even when you think you don't care anymore, when you think you could send your mother on a call and still whistle Dixie, along comes the night. In the night you're alone. You remember names, you see faces. You care. If you're only one-quarter part human being, you care, and the distress and regret and pain is a big white light that won't let you have one moment's rest. So tell me, how'd you sleep last night, Yar?"
"Okay."
"Sorry it wasn't better."
"Anything else?"
"Yeah," Bo said."Congrats."
Aubrey was scared. The quiet made him scared. Quiet was hard to come by in the city. Normally. But where he and Vaughn were now, out of downtown, hidden away, there was a good amount of quiet to be had. Enough, at least, to give Aubrey scares.
Really it was the sometimes sounds, standing out in the silence, that ate away at him. Every rustle was police people closing in. Every creak of wood was an MTac cop taking aim with his gun.
Vaughn needed the quiet to let his mind seep around where he and Aubrey hid. He really needed it now that police people and the others were looking for them. But why, Aubrey thought, did it have to be so quiet? And was hiding alone together better than being in the middle of downtown, getting lost in and around all the people of the city?
Only, Aubrey knew the crowds and chatter wouldn't change anything. He'd be scared all the noise'd just make it hard to hear the police people coming. Under the sounds of the city they could kill Aubrey without him knowing they'd done the job. The thought of sudden, silent death made Aubrey all the more scared.
Aubrey knew. No matter what, he was scared.
But why should he be? Over there was Vaughn. Sitting. Thinking. Vaughn wasn't scared. Vaughn'd know if the police people were coming. He'd known the others were coming. He'd known, and when they showed up, Vaughn… Vaughn killed… Wrapping his arms around himself: "Unnnnnn. Vaughn…?"
Yeah?
Vaughn's voice in Aubrey's head. Aubrey didn't like it when Vaughn made words go in his head.
"We're in trouble, huh?"
No trouble.
"'Cause, 'cause, what you did to the others, and the police people… we're in trouble, huh? The rest are gonna be mad. They're gonna be mad 'cause of what you did. They… they're gonna think you made things worse, Vaughn. And, and they're gonna—"
They're not gonna do shit but keep on hiding. They're scared of the cops, and they're sure as hell scared of me.
Aubrey stared at Vaughn. Vaughn just sat listening for thoughts sailing on the otherwise empty air. He didn't look at Aubrey, didn't acknowledge him.
Vaughn's nonreaction, his counterpoint calm, jacked up Aubrey's fear."They won't help us. They won't help us if the police come."
When. When they come.
"Unnnnnnn…"
And they're gonna come for us.
"Stop putting words in my head! Vaughn…" Aubrey went to him, gripped his arm tight and hard."Let's, let's go! Let's go now! We could go… we could go to that other city!"
Europe's not a city.
"We could go there!"
Vaughn looked at Aubrey. Aubrey was crying. The last time Aubrey cried Vaughn took him in his arms, held him, comforted him. That little bit of nothing had used up all the compassion Vaughn had. He couldn't find any to hold and comfort again.