Not that long ago you thought I was the enemy, too, Sean had said.
“How did you think we knew about the chief’s party?” asked DeWitt quietly.
I turned and skipped the steps, landing on the ground. I couldn’t be near him a second longer.
Chase followed me, one hand over his mouth.
“He’s a man,” I said, “not an animal.”
Chase’s eyes darkened. He lowered his hand. “I know that.”
“They’re holding him in a cage, Chase! That’s what they do. That’s not what we do!”
“I know,” he said.
I pulled away from him, disgusted with what I’d seen, with the marks still burning my chest. He stared into the night, fingers woven behind his neck.
“I’m sorry,” I said. I felt sick. I was a part of this now, a part of all of it. Forever. The proof was right there on my skin.
But we still had to go. However bad Three was, the MM was worse.
I told myself this again and again.
Jesse stepped into the doorway, a dark shadow against the bright lights inside. He met Chase’s accusing stare, the air between them growing heavy with challenge.
“If you want to know, just ask, Chase.” It was the first time I’d heard Jesse use his first name. His voice was soft, careful, and seemed to hold DeWitt and Billy back from intervening.
“I don’t,” said Chase.
Jesse’s head fell forward. Somewhere deep inside, I felt a slash of pity.
“I have to tell Rebecca we’re leaving,” I said. Sean may have already gone; I couldn’t leave her alone without saying good-bye.
Chase led the way.
REBECCA was not in the kitchen or the south wing. Chase checked the dorms, but she wasn’t there either. My search became frantic; if I didn’t find her soon, I wouldn’t be able to tell her we were going.
Finally, we made our way to the barn. The breezeway had recently been raked, and the stalls smelled of fresh hay. A few horses trotted close to the gates as we approached, looking for treats. They snorted and stomped their feet when I passed them by.
I spared a lingering glance up at the loft, then blushed when Chase caught me.
Outside, the slow clomp-de-clomp of hoof beats approached, and we turned toward the entry, where a girl’s soothing voice carried into the barn.
“That’s a good girl. A little closer to the fence. Good girl.”
Chase and I shared a skeptical look, then stepped outside.
Rebecca was riding a horse. Our Rebecca, who could barely walk, had somehow managed to climb aboard a creature whose back was the height of my shoulders. Gently, the dark mare edged against the fence, and for a moment I thought Rebecca’s leg was about to be crushed. Chase reached for the horse’s bridle.
“I’ve got it,” she said, waving him off. We watched as she maneuvered off the mare’s back, and slowly, steadily, climbed down the fence to her waiting crutch. As she fitted it to her arm, she blew out a slow, painful breath, then smiled. The horse waited patiently, bobbing her head as if in approval.
“That was impressive,” said Chase.
“I know.” Rebecca smirked. “Doctor DeWitt says Junebug helps with my rehab.”
I winced at DeWitt’s name. His kindness to Rebecca made what I’d seen in the shed even harder to swallow.
“Where were you?” I asked.
She glanced over her shoulder. “The orchard.”
“What?” The last time we were there we were attacked by a group of savage boys. “You went alone?”
“It’s okay,” she said. “I have Junebug. And this.” She lifted a flap on the saddle bag, revealing a black handgun. “Sean gave it to me. There’s a small stash of weapons at the front gate he wasn’t supposed to know about. Hush, hush and all that.”
I placed a tentative hand on the horse’s neck, feeling the muscles flex beneath her soft coat. She swung her head toward me, one big brown eye staring me down, and nibbled at the loose fabric of my shirt.
“He said if something happens, I’m supposed to meet him at the orchard,” she added. “He’s a worry wart.”
I looked to Chase, who shoved his hands in his pockets. When I turned back, tears had filled Rebecca’s eyes, and I hugged her, harder than I meant to.
“Are you just here to check on me?” asked Rebecca, taking a deep breath. “Because Sean’s coming back. He promised.”
“We’re leaving, too,” I said quietly. I didn’t let her go, even when her arms dropped from my shoulders. For the first time I truly considered we might not come back. If it wasn’t going to be so dangerous, I would have taken her with us.
“Everyone’s leaving,” she said when I finally backed away. She turned back to Junebug, hiding her face. “Well, go then. I’m fine.”
I waited a second, hating the hurt in her tone. Chase touched my arm. We needed to leave.
We’d made it to the end of the paddock fence before I heard her voice one last time.
“Be careful.”
I didn’t look back.
CHAPTER
15
THE day passed, but I only saw a narrow strip of it in the slash of yellow light painting the ceiling of the MM delivery truck. Hay-filled crates were packed against the rollaway door, creating the impression that the compartment was full. The back quarter was left open for Billy and me.
I wasn’t sure if he was mad at me again, or just quiet. Either way, my mind was filled with thoughts of our mission. Worry of the danger we’d be in back in the interior, but also for those who would read the new Statutes and fight against the MM.
I didn’t know if this would make a difference. I wanted it to, but at the same time, I didn’t, because I didn’t know if I was strong enough to carry the responsibility of innocent people risking their lives.
Maybe DeWitt felt this way when he sent people out. Maybe it was something you got used to. I didn’t see how.
Chase and Jesse drove. There were only two seats in the cab, and if we were stopped by a border patrol it was better to have two ex-soldiers up front rather than a fourteen-year-old in a baggy MM uniform and a Sister of Salvation. If I had to guess, they still weren’t speaking.
With each blind bump and turn we were tossed from side to side, until finally, I pushed aside some of the boxes, spread out one of the packing blankets, and laid down on the floor. My thoughts turned to Sean—to the last words we’d shared—and to Rebecca, who’d been left alone to say good-bye to him. The air, already heavy with heat and tension, grew even more oppressive, and as I lay there, I wished I could ask if she thought I was doing the right thing with the Statutes.
It would have been nice to talk to her about what had happened with Chase, too.
I hoisted the borrowed wool skirt around my knees and opened the stuffy collar. Billy held out a few minutes longer, until he finally gave up and lowered beside me. For a long time we said nothing, just watched the light move across the ceiling. Then, without looking over, he said, “Sarah doesn’t have a boyfriend.”
It took a moment to realize he meant the same Sarah we’d found in Knoxville, who was still quite pregnant.
“Oh, no?” I asked.
“She hasn’t said anything about me, has she?”
I hadn’t had the chance to check in with her since we’d arrived at Endurance. “I saw her looking at you at dinner the other night.”
I could feel him beam.
“I was thinking maybe after we get back I’d see if she wanted to hang out.” It wasn’t a question, but it sounded like one.
“You should bring her flowers. Steal some from the garden.”
He snickered. “You’re crazy for putting your name in those Statutes.”