“She lost it. It was a boy,” Victor announced and Nate stared in stunned surprise as Victor’s jaw clenched. Nate had never heard this story. “She says it took her fourteen years to get him back.”
At these quiet words, Nate felt like Victor had punched him in the gut. He didn’t let on to this extreme reaction, he just nodded once to his father.
Then, the mood already turned, Victor decided to go with it.
“Laura was the best thing that happened to me. I was a thug, worse, and I had no business being with her. I knew it, Nathaniel, right to my bones. But nothing was going to stop me from having her, nothing. It wasn’t the right thing to do, fuck, wasn’t even the nice thing to do but I did it. I got her pregnant and I did it on purpose. I’d have done anything to bind her to me.”
Nate kept his silence and kept his outward calm but his father’s words were slamming into him like hammers.
“You and me, son, we’re a lot alike. I don’t know the way you process things because you’re a helluva lot smarter than me, but I know how you think.”
Nate turned his attention back to the window.
Then he told his father, “Lily was a virgin.”
“I know,” Victor replied.
Nate’s body stilled at this comment. Victor, somehow, always seemed to know everything.
Even though Nate didn’t ask, Victor went on to explain, “She confided in me you were her first date.”
Nate’s eyes turned again to his father at that bit of news. He could barely credit it.
As usual Victor seemed to know what Nate was thinking even though he hadn’t said a word. “I know, shocked me too but I swear she wasn’t lying. She was nervous as a cat.”
This made Nate smile.
Victor went on. “Lucky you had a motorcycle that broke the ice.” With that, Victor grinned at him.
Uncharacteristically, Nate decided a confidence was in order and he shared his plan.
“She hasn’t brought up the subject of birth control.”
Victor watched him closely. “I reckon you haven’t been seeing to it.”
Nate shook his head, this he also did once.
Victor beamed. “We think alike, you and me, always have.”
As Victor had said, it wasn’t the right thing to do and it certainly wasn’t a nice thing to do but Nate didn’t care. If he thought she was likely to leave him, he would have chained her to the bed. Making her pregnant would bind her to him for life. He knew that and he wanted it and he was going to do it.
If she was pregnant, she wouldn’t leave him. Family meant more to her than anything in the world. She made that perfectly clear, not only in the way she spoke of her own but in the way she treated his.
When she found out about him, whether he told her or Jeff told her or Victor or Laura let something slip, she wouldn’t be able to leave. She could move out now, divorce him if they were married, but she’d never break up a family. He, like his father, knew this to his very bones.
The phone rang again in the outer office.
“You gonna get that?” Victor asked, getting up from his chair.
“I’ve work to do, I want to be home early tonight.”
“Don’t blame you,” Victor muttered, lifted his hand casually in farewell and left.
Nate went to work.
He had no idea his life, for the second time in as many weeks, was about to be rocked to its very foundations.
Nate did get home early. He’d been meaning to tell Lily they were moving and had never gotten around to it. They always had much better things to do.
The movers would be there the next day to start packing and would be moving them the day after that. He wanted to talk to Lily about having them move whatever she needed from her house in Somerset.
However, he arrived home to an empty flat.
He hadn’t called her to tell her he was coming home early and expected she’d gone out somewhere. She was nearly obsessed with the idea of finding a job. Or she could be with Laura.
He picked up the phone and dialled his mother.
“Nathaniel, my dearest, I’m so glad you called. Would you and Lily like to come over for dinner next week?”
Nate was walking into the bedroom to change clothes and he stopped.
Then he froze.
“Nathaniel?” Laura called when he didn’t respond.
“Sorry, Laura, I’ll ring you back,” Nate murmured.
He pressed the button without listening to her good-bye and stared around the room.
Lily’s cosmetics were not messily piled on the bureau. He could smell her perfume but the bottle was gone.
He walked to the bathroom.
Her toothbrush and all the other bottles and jars (and Nate had noted there were a great number of them, the sight of this, he found to his surprise, made him feel an unusual sense of contentment), were gone.
He went back to the bedroom and pulled out one of the drawers she’d moved into.
It was empty.
He pulled out another one.
It, too, was empty.
He walked back into the living room and saw some mail on a table. She’d had another mess of post forwarded from her friend Maxine. It was all still there opened but left.
Nate noticed her mortgage was overdue as were two credit cards. Nate found this surprising and wondered, vaguely, why she hadn’t given them to him. He’d told her he’d take care of it, take care of everything. There was absolutely no reason her bills should be overdue.
There was also a letter written in a neat slightly creative handwriting. Her mother, telling Lily of the “latest antics” of Fazire and her excitement at their imminent holiday to Hawaii.
He got himself a drink and sat on the couch and waited.
After darkness had fallen, he smoked and drank more, a good deal more. He hadn’t had a cigarette since that night outside the front door of his parent’s home. Hadn’t even wanted one but he wanted one then.
She didn’t come home. She didn’t call.
Not that night, not the next.
The movers moved him and, on that day, he went to the address on her mortgage bill.
The town where she lived was smart and he could tell it was expensive by the number of BMWs, Mercedes and Jaguars parked in the drives.
Her house was right on the seafront, he could see from its position that there was a view of the Victorian pier from the back windows. He noted with detachment that it was a very fine piece of real estate, an excellent location. It was a terraced house, three stories at street level but likely another one set in the cliff. It was a lot of house for just Lily. It was also rather stately even if it looked from the outside a bit run down. She’d planted two enormous terracotta planters with a wealth of flowers and they sat on either side of the front door.
He knocked, looking to his left into a sun room that sat at the front of the house. It had mosaic tiled floors and wicker furniture in it with gaily printed cushions inviting you to sit. He was not in the mood to notice the furniture was not new and rather battered. He was not in the mood because no one answered. The house looked deserted.
Then he heard, “Are you looking for Lily?”
A neighbour had come out to walk her dog and Nate turned to the old lady. “Yes, is she here?”
“Nope, moved, moved back home I heard. Just up and left, gone back to America. Surprised me, she seemed a solid sort of girl. But there you go. You never know people.”
She kept walking her little dog and Nate watched her move down the small street Lily’s house was on. He watched her hit the wider pavement that edged the larger road that was the turn off to Lily’s street. He watched her as she disappeared down the steep hill toward the pier.
Then he got in his car and drove back to London.