Her pale face, if it could be credited, drained of colour. Her mouth dropped open and she, too, froze.
Moments later, Laura watched, her astonishment deepening, as Lily’s stupor cleared and her face melted into a look of such abandoned happiness, such love that it turned Laura’s stomach.
And Laura looked at Lily with every shred of hatred she had for the woman, turned on her heel and ran.
“My God, Fazire, my God. Did you see the way she looked at me?”
Fazire was levitating. He did this in agitation now, she knew, not just when he was practising or when he wanted to make a point.
He didn’t respond. He couldn’t have, Lily kept talking.
“She saw Tash. She knows. I told you I should have gone to them ages ago. Now it’s too late. Now…”
She stopped talking and started pacing, or more to the point started pacing more frantically.
Lily had been wanting to go to the Roberts’s home for years. Natasha was their grandchild they would want to know she existed. Even if it would be painful after Nate’s death (this, she decided in her fevered imaginings, happened on his motorcycle or in his Maserati, but she didn’t know, never wanted to know).
Something always got in the way. The store, the house, Tash getting sick, Lily having a migraine (they came far more frequently now, stress, the doctor told her), not enough money for the train tickets (there was never enough money), the phones got cut off, laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, the car needing fixed (the car always needed fixed).
She should have written but how do you say that in a letter? It was something you had to do in person.
And Lily was so sick at first, the pregnancy had not gone well and by the time she and Fazire decided to cast their lot in Clevedon, she was practically bedridden. By the end of the pregnancy, she was forcefully bedridden. Then the birth had not been good. It took her a year to recuperate. By that time the debts had mounted, the bills were all overdue and she’d nearly asked her last wish of Fazire. But Maxine had saved the day. Maxine and Grammy Sarah’s beautiful limestone house with its Italian marble window sills and its ten acres.
While Lily was ill, she had time to think. She started wondering why Laura and Victor didn’t contact her. Why they let it be Danielle who told her that Nate had died. Why, when Lily knew that they knew she also lost her parents at the same time, had they not come to her knowing the enormity of her loss? Even not knowing about Tash, Lily was absolutely certain that they knew she loved Nate and she’d need to grieve with them when her vital, handsome dream man was swept away. She didn’t understand and thought, maybe, she had misjudged them. In her darkest moments (of which there were many), she realised they had raised Jeffrey and Danielle, perhaps they were just like their two children by blood.
Then time just flew, as time does, and it became too late.
This was the first time Lily had been to London in eight years. Eight years. They had a dingy hotel room in a not-so-good part of town. It was all they could afford.
It didn’t matter; they only had to sleep in it. The rest of the time Lily was supposed to be showing them all her favourite places in London and that included where she and Nate had taken their walk in Hyde Park.
Lily’s daughter knew all about her father.
Every detail Lily could remember, and that was most of them, were told to Tash in the grandest stories Lily had ever created. And as the years slid by, Lily even made up details just to keep Nate alive in some way for their darling daughter.
“I have to go to her,” Lily fretted.
Fazire looked down his nose at her and crossed his arms. He, personally, did not think much of these Roberts people. Every time they looked at his Lily-child, they did it with hate which was precisely why he consistently tried to talk her out of telling them about Tash and would distract her when she got down to the business of writing or phoning them.
If they knew about Tash, he couldn’t imagine what they’d do.
And obviously today’s events stated he had, as usual, been absolutely correct.
“I do not think that is wise,” he declared.
“I have to, Tash is her grandchild!” Lily cried.
“What are you talking about?”
Tash had come out of the bathroom and was looking at them curiously.
Lily looked at her beautiful daughter who had not a shred of her or Becky, Will or Sarah but was absolutely all Nate.
Tash Jacobs was a bright child, fearfully bright. A genius, her teacher’s said, which was another reason Lily had no money. Anything extra she was setting aside in hopes of getting Tash into a special school for gifted children.
This, Fazire believed, came from Lily. This, Lily knew, came from Nate. Tash had exactly the same way of cutting to the meat of the matter as Nate had.
On this thought, Lily made her decision.
She smiled at her daughter. “Mummy needs to go see some friends. She’ll be back soon.”
“Lily –” Fazire said in a dire, warning tone.
Lily looked at him with determination. “I’ll be back soon.”
And then before her genie could speak another word, she was off.
“You are… fucking… kidding me.”
Laura did not like it when Victor cursed. However, if there ever was a time to curse, now was that time.
As luck would have it (or not, depending on how you looked at it), Nate had come home with Victor. So Laura thought she might as well tell them both at the same time. Nate had to know anyway and it might as well come from his mother. And by the look of things, Victor would not have imparted the information nearly as thoughtfully as Laura did.
Victor looked like he was about to hit the roof.
Nathaniel, sitting opposite Laura with one ankle resting casually atop the opposite knee, looked like he could happily commit murder.
However he would do it in a very cool, very controlled, manner.
One look at her son and Laura began to feel a creeping concern.
And it all had to do with that joyous look.
Lily had been happy to see her.
That may have been an act, of course. Moments before she’d looked horrified but Laura, well, Laura was beginning to have her doubts.
Why was Lily happy to see her? Especially considering the daughter she’d hid from them all for (Laura counted back, then couldn’t wrap her mind around it and just guessed) eight years was standing right there, the very vision of Nathaniel.
“I’m going to hunt that bitch down and I’m going to wring her white, hillbilly neck,” Victor threatened.
“Victor, calm down,” Laura soothed.
“I will not calm down! That’s my goddamned grandchild!” he shouted so loudly, the windows shook.
“What’s happening?”
Laura closed her eyes in despair, this they did not need. Danielle had taken that moment to walk into the room.
Her daughter had finally moved out, was living with a man that neither Victor nor Laura cared for but who all of them thought suited her. Nevertheless, she came home regularly and seemed to do it with an uncanny sense of when Nathaniel was there.
“Your mother has seen Lily,” Victor informed his daughter and Laura’s eyes flew open.
“Victor!” Laura didn’t think it was wise to bring Danielle into this drama. It wasn’t ever wise to bring Danielle into any drama. She created enough dramas on her own.