“I’ll do a little shopping. She should stay with you tonight,” Laura said decisively. “I’ll make sure she’s comfortable.”
His mother walked to Nate and gave him a kiss on the cheek and then she too was gone.
At these sudden departures, Nate found he had time to think.
However, Nate didn’t want to think. He didn’t want to think of Lily alone and battling pain in his bed. He didn’t want to think of Lily suffering that way again, much less that she’d done it since she was a child. He didn’t want to think how little he knew her even though he remembered even the most infinitesimal detail of every moment he’d shared with her.
Therefore, he didn’t think.
He phoned his office and had them courier work to him but told them under no circumstances to ring the doorbell. He took off his suit jacket and his tie, loosening the buttons of his shirt at his throat. He quietly checked on Lily twice, both times, thankfully, she was sleeping. His mother arrived several hours later with enough glossy shopping bags so that Lily could stay a month, much less a night.
And through this time, Nate kept his mind on his work and he waited. And he kept absolute silence. And he kept careful, deliberate control on his fury.
Hours later, he walked away from the dining room table where he’d set up his temporary office rather than working in his study which was on the other side of the apartment and too far away from Lily. He went into the bedroom to find a change of clothes, hoping Lily would now sleep through any noise.
When he arrived, the bed was empty. Lily was gone.
He stood stock-still in the door, a strange sense of unease filling him even though he knew she couldn’t have really gone.
Then he heard a noise and his head jerked around.
She was wearing his dressing gown and standing in the doorway of the bathroom. She was leaning against the doorjamb, the balls of one foot pressing against the top of the other.
He remembered her standing exactly like that eight years ago. Nate had remembered that vision of her, their first night together, time and again over the years.
That once painful memory sliced through him. If Lily was in London to tell him “no” then he’d have this memory to add to his tortuous inventory.
With determination, he set that thought aside.
“Are you feeling better?” he asked in a quiet voice.
She nodded, pushed away from the doorjamb and walked to the bed.
He walked toward her and while he did so, he spoke. “Is the pain gone?”
“Yes. I just feel weird afterwards. Exhausted but able to function. I don’t know, it feels like I’ve been in some kind of battle.”
She stopped by the bed, leaned over and grabbed her dress. He stopped by her, reached out and gently pulled her dress from her fingers.
“You have,” he stated matter-of-factly.
She was staring at her dress in his hand and, at his words, her eyes lifted to his.
“I haven’t. It’s no big thing, it’s just a headache.” She was trying to pass it off as if it was nothing.
Nate never forgot anything but even if he had that luxury, he’d never forget the sound of her keening.
“Trust me, you have. I saw you do it.”
Clearly not wishing to argue, she changed the subject and asked quietly, “Can I have my dress please?”
He tossed it on the bed deliberately out of her immediate reach. She watched it land and made no comment. It was then Nate noted that she looked slightly dazed.
“Laura bought you a nightgown, or, if the bags in the other room are any indication, twenty of them,” he told her.
A ghost of her quirky smile played about her lips and Nate registered it in his mind as his body instantly reacted to the sweet, familiar sight of it.
“Laura does like to shop, doesn’t she?” Lily whispered as if to herself and her words sounded almost fond.
She didn’t expect an answer to her question and Nate, unable to control himself any longer, pulled her cautiously toward him and slid his arms around her.
Her head tilted back but, surprisingly, she didn’t resist his embrace. Instead, she lifted her hands to rest on his biceps.
“Are you all right?” she asked, her eyes peering closely at him through the darkness of the room.
“No, I’m not all right.” He surprised himself by answering honestly.
She sucked in her breath sharply then enquired, “What’s the matter? Is it Tash? Fazire?”
He interrupted her. “It’s you.”
“Me?” Her eyes widened.
At her response, he let out a low, humourless laugh which caused her to come closer to him, her face changed as worry filled it.
“Nate?”
“Why are you here?” he asked suddenly.
She wasn’t following, her worry turned to confusion. “Here?”
“In London, why did you come to see me?”
Again, her face changed, this time to a sort of sadness.
“Nate, I think you’re changing the subject.” Her voice was so soft, if she was any further away than in his arms, he wouldn’t have heard her.
He didn’t answer.
“You said you aren’t all right,” she reminded him. “Why aren’t you all right?”
He still didn’t answer. Something stopped him. He didn’t know what it was but whatever it was always stopped him. It stopped him from speaking, stopped him from letting anyone close, stopped him from trusting anyone with his thoughts, his feelings, anything about him.
Even Lily.
She waited. Her patience thinned and he watched it in silence.
Then she exploded, “Damn it, Nate, talk to me! What’s the matter?”
At her outburst, the sudden loudness of her voice after he’d placed such a high price on silence because of her pain, not to mention the fact that he felt, after the episode of hours before, as if she could shatter into a million pieces and be lost to him again but this time forever, he admitted tersely, “You scared the hell out of me.”
Her face changed again, this time to understanding. And she didn’t pull away from him. He thought she would at his admission but she didn’t. Her fingers tightened on his arms reassuringly.
“Oh Nate, it’s just a headache,” Lily whispered.
“Stop saying that, Lily, it isn’t just a headache. I’ve never seen anything like that in my life.”
She, to his complete astonishment, tried to tease. “Then you must have lived a very sheltered life.”
“No, Lily, I haven’t,” Nate returned instantly, each word clipped and she immediately realised her mistake but he didn’t allow her to dwell on it or remonstrate herself for it. Instead he informed her, “You have an appointment with a neurologist tomorrow.”
“I do?” This time, her expressive face filled with surprise.
And it was then, unusually belatedly, that it dawned on him that her face was expressive again. Her guard was down, she was standing in his arms lightly pressed against his body and not trying to pull away.
She was talking to him and hadn’t once mentioned the name “Alistair”.
His arms tightened, bringing her deeper into his body.
“Yes, you do,” he said softly, feeling it rather than knowing it. The reason why she was there.
“Why? There’s nothing they can do. I’ve been to doctors,” she told him.
“Humour me,” he returned.
“Nate –”
“Do it for Tash,” he muttered, bringing his hand up to tuck a heavy sheaf of her extraordinary hair behind her ear.
“I don’t have to, Nate. I’ve had the headaches since I was a little girl, just a few then. They came more often when I started my period. Every other month before my cycle and any time I got over-stressed.”
“Lily?”
“Yes?”
“This discussion is over,” he stated flatly.