She stared at him, her expressive face turning rebellious and he realised then how much he missed her.
He knew he missed her. He knew it. He’d lived with it for years, most especially the last couple of weeks.
But now that she was back, now that she was truly Lily, her smile quirked, her face telling him exactly what she was thinking before she opened her mouth to speak, he felt her loss like a blow.
And her return like a blessing.
He bent his head to brush his lips against hers and she only stiffened slightly in his arms.
Progress.
“Let’s talk about why you’re in London,” he suggested in a tone that said it was anything but a suggestion.
“Can I get dressed?”
“No.”
She gasped.
Then, a moment later, she sighed.
“Can we do it in another room?” she asked huffily.
“No.”
“Nate –”
“Now you’re avoiding the subject.”
Her lips puckered and her eyes slid away from him.
Any residual fury at his ineffectiveness in the face of her pain ebbed out of him as he sensed victory.
“Before I say what I’m going to say,” her eyes came forward and her hands came between them to fidget together against their chests, “I’m going to warn you that I have certain conditions.”
His arms moved from around her, he took hold of her hands in his and he pulled them gently behind her back, pressing her soft body fully against his.
“Nate!” she exclaimed.
“Just say what you have to say Lily.”
“Let go of my hands.”
She was avoiding the subject.
“You were fidgeting,” he informed her.
“So?”
“It was distracting.”
“Trust me, you’ll listen to what I have to say.”
“It wasn’t distracting me, it was distracting you.”
Her head jerked sharply, she stared at him a moment and then the quirky smile played about her lips but didn’t come out in full force.
“You’re too perceptive for your own good,” she grumbled but didn’t mean it, there was a hint of admiration to her words and at any other moment in his life he would have allowed himself to feel pleasure at it.
Not at this moment, however. This moment was too precious to allow his mind to wander to anything but her.
“Lily.” His voice held a warning.
“What now?” she asked.
“You’ve something to say?” he prompted.
“All right, fine,” she mumbled but then didn’t say anything.
He waited. She kept her quiet.
He waited. She puckered her lips and slid her eyes away again.
He waited. She slid her eyes back and looked at him, opened her mouth then closed it again.
“Lily,” Nate repeated then he couldn’t help himself, he felt his body begin to shake with laughter.
“Are you laughing?” she groused, locking onto another subject to dodge the one she was avoiding.
He released her wrists but held her where she was with his still about her. He bent his head and buried his face in the fragrant hair at her neck.
“Just tell me you’ll marry me,” he demanded against her neck, his voice filled with amusement, his body shaking with it and something very close to the feeling he’d had when his daughter first threw her arms around him stole into his heart.
“I’ll marry you,” she whispered and his arms, already around her, tightened like steel bands.
Something powerful and innate surged through him, something enormous and profound and unbelievably pleasurable. Better than the most intense orgasm he’d had (a climax he’d had with Lily, he remembered it clearly, the fifth time they’d made love).
“But I have conditions,” she informed him.
He lifted his head and stared down at her already deciding he’d be willing to give anything.
Almost.
“We’re not moving to London,” she stated, “you’ll have to move to the house in Clevedon.”
Without hesitation, Nate replied, “Done.”
Lily seemed surprised at his quick agreement and it threw her off for a moment but then she recovered. “You have to accept Fazire, no matter what.”
This time he hesitated and she opened her mouth to speak but before she could say a word, he bit out, “Fine.”
“And he lives with us.”
Nate nodded. He’d accept her strange friend Fazire. He’d live with the entire British Army camped in his living room if it meant being with her, having her in his bed and having his daughter just down the hall.
“Say it,” she demanded.
“Fine,” he allowed.
“And if anything ever happens to me, he stays with Tash as long as Tash wants him.”
Nate watched her closely. He found this demand more than a little strange as if Fazire was a possession to pass along. Correctly reading from her face this meant a great deal to her, he agreed with another nod.
At that she relaxed against him.
“That’s it?” he enquired, finding himself relieved. She could have asked for more, much more, diamonds and pearls, jet-set holidays, mountain chalets in the Alps.
But she didn’t ask for any of that and this time she nodded.
“Now we’ll discuss my condition,” he told her.
Lily tensed again immediately. “What conditions?”
“Not conditions, condition,” Nate replied, “I only have one.”
She stared at him, her widened eyes had narrowed.
Nate carried on. “No more children. If you want another baby, we’ll adopt.”
Her eyes instantly grew wide again. “Nate, it was just a bad pregnancy. There’s no reason I can’t –”
He cut her off. “Just a bad pregnancy like your migraines are just headaches?”
Her mouth snapped shut and she pursed her lips.
Then he asked suddenly, “Are you on birth control?”
“No.”
This announcement shocked him. “Do you use another form of birth control?”
She was beginning to squirm and looking more than a little uncomfortable.
He couldn’t care less about her discomfort. “Answer me, Lily,” Nate demanded, giving her a mild shake.
“No.”
“Why the hell not?” he snapped.
She glared at him but didn’t answer.
“Answer me.” Nate was beginning to get angry.
She’d graduated from Oxford, for Christ’s sake, she wasn’t stupid. She’d nearly died during her last pregnancy, hell, she did die. She should be protecting herself.
He hated the idea of another man touching her, especially since, in the beginning she had only been his. But as much as he detested it, he understood he had to let go of that now. She was back, Natasha was theirs, his entire focus was on their future.
“Did they use it?” he asked, not exactly thrilled about talking about her lovers but he had to know.
Consideration to contraceptives wasn’t something he’d taught her in the brief time they’d had together, indeed, he’d avoided it with calculated purpose but he could imagine she’d learned a great deal in eight years.
“Who?” she queried, looking mystified.
“The men you’ve been with.”
Even in the dark room, he saw her face pale.
She kept her silence for a moment and then said, “Nate, I really don’t think it’s any of your –”
He shook her again, this was slightly-more-than-mild.
“Nate!”
“Lily, you’re going to be my wife. Considering my condition on our impending nuptials, this subject would eventually come up.”
“I didn’t agree to your condition,” she told him.
“You aren’t getting pregnant again,” he retorted.
“Really, I –”