“Nate?” she mumbled against his throat.
“Mm?” He was in his own place again, his own thoughts, far, far away from her. She was beginning to recognise when he was with her and when he was gone.
Quietly, in a voice so small she was surprised he heard it, she whispered scant words that held deep meaning, “I need you here, with me.”
His hand stopped stroking and his arms tightened around her, taking her breath.
“You have me.”
She shook her head against his neck, mutely denying his words.
“You have me, Lily. I promise.”
She knew she didn’t.
But Lily experienced a colossal change of mind. A life changing one.
Even an earth shattering one.
Instead of putting all her energies into guarding her heart against him (which clearly wasn’t working, it was Nate), she was going to try to open his heart to her. She was going to use everything that was in her power, such as it was, maybe even go so far as to use her last wish to open his heart.
She had no idea if she would succeed but, Lily determined in that instant, she was damn well going to try.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Nate
Nate left the office early wishing to get home.
Home.
Where Lily and Natasha were.
And, of course, Fazire.
Tash had called, telling him there was a surprise waiting for him there.
He couldn’t imagine what kind of surprise it could be, in the month since Lily’s dramatic tirade, complete with tossing clothes out of the wardrobe, his life had been full of surprises.
Pleasant surprises. Extraordinary surprises.
The kind of surprises and the possible intent behind them being something he’d very much like to believe, but found, through years of experience with disappointment, he could not.
It had started the next morning after Lily’s scene.
She had woken early, very early. She slid quietly out of bed obviously making an effort not to disturb Nate. This effort was for naught as she knocked into the bed twice, cursed under her breath and nearly fell over as she dressed. Knowing she was being careful for his sake, Nate kept his eyes closed when what he wanted to do was drag her warm body back into bed.
When time passed and she didn’t return, Nate got up, pulled on a pair of jeans and went in search of her.
He found her in the kitchen wearing a pair of very short, thin, cotton drawstring shorts patterned in stripes of soft pink and purple that showed off her long, shapely legs. With this, she wore a pink camisole and an old grey cardigan which had seen better days and which he immediately decided to replace with something else, something new, something made of cashmere.
She was standing in the middle of the kitchen with her hands on her hips staring at the countertop with what appeared to be confusion.
Wondering at her mood after of their row the day before, Nate approached her from behind silently on bare feet and cautiously slid his arms around her waist.
The afternoon before she’d promised not to leave him, said she would never leave, but Nate didn’t trust that. He’d learned early not to trust and nothing had happened in his life to alter that lesson.
He knew she wanted more from him, she wanted it all and he couldn’t give it to her. He felt, as he did eight years before, like he was living on borrowed time, like once she found out who he really was she’d not only want to stay far away but now keep Tash from him as well.
And Nate wouldn’t allow that. And to stop it from happening, he’d do whatever he had to do, including keeping his past from the both of them.
Not that Lily was giving her all to him. The open-hearted Lily who let her excitement at life bubble out of her at the slightest provocation was gone. The laughing Lily who told stories about her beloved family had faded. No matter what he did to rectify his past mistakes, to erase the last eight years of her making do and scraping by, she was still different.
Wary, watchful and closed.
She jumped when he touched her and whirled, nearly knocking his chin with her head and her soft, fragrant hair whipped across his face.
“Nate!” she cried, her expression clearly showing disappointment at seeing him and he felt something lurch painfully in his gut. She looked over her shoulder at the countertop then back at him and announced on an exaggerated pout, “You’ve spoiled my surprise.”
Then she stunned him by sliding her hands around his waist and tilting her head to the side, the disappointment fading as she gave him one of her quirky smiles. At the sight of it, he sucked in his breath and he felt every muscle in his body tense.
Her smile was exactly as he remembered. Not wary, not watchful, not closed in any way. Open, happy and one of the sweetest sights he’d seen in his life.
She leaned slightly into him, her breasts brushing his bare chest, her chin forced to tilt back further so she could look into his eyes.
“I was making you breakfast in bed,” she informed him cheerfully.
He glanced over her shoulder at the evidence that, indeed, he had interrupted her in the middle of preparing food.
With the knowledge of her intentions and understanding that her earlier disappointment was not directed at him, Nate didn’t know what to do. Nate was not the kind of man who didn’t know what to do and he didn’t like it.
No woman had made him breakfast in bed, no woman had even made him breakfast. Not a single one of his lovers had done anything for him, given him a present, brought over a bottle of wine or prepared dinner for him. They were happy for him to buy dinner, presents, even holidays but the women in his life were used to being taken care of, being spoiled. Nate had played the game mainly because if he didn’t, they’d turn whiny and demanding. He’d learned it made life far more peaceful and furthermore, he could afford it.
This was an entirely new experience.
Lily seemed not to notice his surprise.
“Once I got started, though, I didn’t know what to do. You never remark on your food, say what you like. You just… eat.” Her smile hadn’t faltered, in fact, her voice sounded almost teasing. She gently pulled away from him and threw her arm out towards the food on the counter. “I decided bacon, eggs and toast was my best bet. Everyone likes bacon, eggs and toast. Then I realised I don’t even know how you like your eggs!”
She laughed softly, finding this amusing and came back to him, casually putting her arms around his waist again and resting her entire torso heavily against his tightened chest.
“You know, I feel like I’ve known you for years but I’ve really only known you a few weeks. Isn’t that funny?” She drooped her shoulders and tipped her head back to stare up at him with her extraordinary eyes, the blue so clear, so deep, so open, Nate felt lost in them.
Lost in her eyes, lost in her mood, lost in Lily, so lost, he didn’t answer.
“So,” she whispered, “how do you like your eggs?”
Her question took him away from his silent contemplation of her. She sounded as if his answer meant everything in the world to her.
He looked warily down on her, his body tight, not knowing whether to give into the relief he felt at her new attitude or worry at what she was hiding behind it.
“I’ll like them any way you cook them,” he answered, noncommittal.
Something he could not read flashed in her eyes, something that looked strangely like determination and her arms tightened about his waist.
“Scrambled?” she asked.
“That’ll be fine,” Nate replied.
Her smile came back. “How about fried, do you like that better than scrambled?”