She didn’t retreat but when his arms went around her, she kept her hands between them and pressed them against his chest. She tilted her head back and looked at him, her eyes were tormented. At the sight, he felt fury blaze through him but, as he’d promised her, he kept it firmly under control.
She went on quietly. “I thought they knew about my parents dying, I thought they knew and they didn’t care about me enough to –”
His arms tightened but her hands pushed against him to keep some distance.
“Lily, I don’t want to hear –” he started.
She shook her head again. “You have to know that’s what I thought, even though it sounds awful. I thought they might be like Jeff and Danielle, I know it wasn’t right but part of me –”
He saw the tears spring to her eyes and he decided it was a good thing he’d likely never see his sister and brother again for he would not be responsible for what he did.
“I need to explain to them, I need to apologise,” Lily went on.
His arms went from around her and he wrapped his fingers around her wrists, pulling her hands from between their bodies, he gently manoeuvred her against the length of him. When he released her, she slid her arms around his waist and leaned into him and he framed her face with his hands.
“Let it be,” he said softly.
“I can’t,” she replied. “They have to be wondering. Nate, it was seven years I had their granddaughter and I haven’t even told you about my wish yet. When I do, you’ll understand, it’s all my fault –”
At the torment in her eyes, Nate wanted to throw something across the room. He wanted to do someone (and he knew exactly who) bodily harm. Instead, he kept careful control of these reactions and he hushed Lily by touching his lips to hers.
When he’d moved an inch away, he looked deep into her eyes and repeated, “Let it be, Lily.”
She was, he noted, not ready to let it be.
“I can show them the letters. I still have them, every single one. And I have to tell you about Fazire, what I wished, how this all comes down to me.”
One lone tear slid down her cheek. Nate brushed it away with his thumb and decided their conversation was finished. He wasn’t going to allow Lily to blame herself for their loss and he was definitely not going to stand there and watch her cry.
“It’s over, everyone is moving on,” Nate explained quietly. “There’s no reason to go back. Just let it be.”
Her eyes changed in a way that he could swear barely masked fear. She leaned into him further, her arms tightening around him.
“Will you?” she asked.
“Will I what?” he returned.
“Will you let it be? Will you stop working yourself to death to prove to everyone you’re sorry for something you didn’t do? Will you stop taking care of everyone and realise we’re all in this together? That we’re all supposed to take care of each other? That we’re a family, you and me and Tash. And your parents. And Fazire. Do you know it’s over and we’re moving on? Will you let it be?”
Unusually for Nate, he hadn’t seen it coming, he hadn’t realised she was negotiating him to this pass. He hadn’t noticed her bringing his guard down, battering his shields and going in for her soft, tender kill.
“Lily –” His voice sounded rough to his own ears and he felt his chest begin to expand and relax. He’d never had a family, a functional unit where people took care of each other. He had Laura and Victor, but he owed both of them his life and everything he was. Jeff and Danielle had never been family.
But, or course, he couldn’t tell Lily any of this.
“Please don’t transfer the money for your cycle into my account, Nate,” she whispered, cutting into his thoughts. “Please let me do something nice for you.”
Instead of speaking his answer, he tightened his hands on her face and she showed she understood his non-verbal assent by tightening her arms around his waist.
She came up on tiptoe and, her mouth against his, in a voice so soft he could barely hear her, she murmured, “For a lot of reasons, because there are a lot of reasons, I love you, Nate.”
He felt and did everything at once.
A surge of joy flew through him so strong he thought it had to have burned a path through his gut straight to his heart.
Before it could bring him to his knees, he bent and slid an arm under hers. Lifting her, he carried her to the bed, his mouth taking hers in a hot, demanding kiss.
At the same time, of their own accord, his battered shields slammed up and locked into place.
Her arms went around his neck and she kissed him back as he planted her in their bed, coming down on top of her.
When his mouth moved to her jaw, ear, neck, she repeated, “I love you, Nate.”
The words tore through him and he silenced her with his mouth, yanking at her clothes, pushing them down, pulling them up, throwing them aside.
When he was done, she pressed her gloriously naked body into him, running her hands over his fevered skin, wrapping a leg around his hip, sliding her lips across his jaw, nipping his shoulder with her teeth.
“I love you,” she said against his neck.
“Quiet, Lily,” he growled, taking her mouth in another hard kiss, working her with his hands and fingers, bruising her lips with his own, forcing her silence. When she was squirming underneath him, her fingernails on one hand scraping the skin of his back, her other hand moving between them to wrap around him, it was then he thought it was safe to take his mouth from hers and he used his lips, teeth and tongue in ways he knew would send her soaring.
“Nate, I love –” His mouth came back to hers to stop her words. To assure her silence, he spread her legs, positioned himself and slammed into her wet softness. She gasped against his tongue at the sudden, savage invasion but her body instantly began to move with his. She dug her heels into the bed to lift her hips, inviting and absorbing his violent thrusts.
He knew it was happening, felt it building in him as it built in her, he felt her tighten around him, her breath coming in short, quick pants, her arms holding him close. He experienced another kind of joy as he heard her cry out his name when she climaxed. Only then did he let go the control he had on his body, grinding into her sweet softness until he found his own release.
He allowed her to take his weight for brief moments, staying connected to her intimately, carefully filing away the feel of her under him, wrapped around him, before he rolled away.
Nate heard her soft mew of protest as he pulled out, something she did every time as if the loss of him tore an important part of her away. He catalogued the sound amongst his many memories as he gently arranged them in the bed, yanking the covers over them and holding her close to his side.
She didn’t speak, so he did.
“I won’t transfer the money,” he allowed, giving her that one thing as he’d be taking away everything else.
He felt her smile against his shoulder and she snuggled closer. He knew she thought she was closing in on sweet victory of the war she’d been waging for the last month.
“Thank you,” she whispered and, by the tone of her voice, Nate understood it meant the world to her.
He also realised that he’d made a colossal mistake.
Nate had been selfish. He’d wanted it all even when he knew he couldn’t have it, shouldn’t have it, but he took it anyway. He knew it the minute he’d watched her walk down Laura’s stairs to talk to the police after the man had tried to snatch her purse. He knew she was not for the likes of him.