He knew it then and he knew it now.
She thought their eight year drama had all been her fault but he knew she’d been a trusting innocent, a virgin, an Indiana girl who’d never even had a boyfriend.
It was Nate who’d taken all she was willing to give and all she was willing to give was everything. He’d forced her to sleep with him on their first date, forced her to move in with him after one night, purposefully made her pregnant to bind her to him then left her to face the consequences of his actions on her own. Then, when he found her again, he forced himself into her life, her home, her bed, her family and took even more.
Now he had it all and he wasn’t worthy of it.
He should have set up visitation with Natasha. He should have taken only what Lily was willing to give and allowed her to keep him at arm’s length. He should have worked at shielding her heart instead of letting her fall in love with a man who didn’t exist. A romantic hero, in her mind, who was, Nate knew, no romantic hero at all.
Now she thought she was in love with him but she didn’t know who he was, what he was, where he came from. When she found out, and eventually, Nate knew with certainty, she would, it would be all the more devastating to her.
Therefore, he had to commit one final act to take care of her, protect her and their daughter.
He felt Lily’s weight settle into him but Nate didn’t sleep that night. Instead he lay awake, feeling her soft, warm body pressed into his side, listening to her breathing, stroking her skin and hair and purposefully creating one last, precious memory.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lily
Lily was terrified.
It was the day before her wedding and everything this past week between her and Nate had gone wrong, terribly wrong, completely wrong, cataclysmically, heartwrenchingly wrong.
“Has Nate arranged somewhere else to sleep tonight? It’s bad luck to see the bride on the wedding day,” Maxie said, wearing another flowing, amethyst caftan, this one threaded across the front with matching beads. She was smiling, but cautiously, unaware of the content of Lily’s rampaging thoughts but knowing they were there.
“Yes,” Lily answered quietly, averting her eyes but feeling both Maxie and Laura’s on her.
“Lily?” Laura asked carefully.
Lily jumped up from the couch in the front sitting room and started pacing, having no idea her habitual practice of pacing when she was anxious was speaking more than a million words, and not that she was having the usual pre-marital jitters, but something far more dire.
“Nate’s made arrangements,” Lily announced. “I’ve insisted he take Tash with him. They’ll meet us tomorrow at the Registry Office in Bath.”
“Tash is going with Nate?” Maxie asked slowly.
“Yes, I think it’ll be good for them to have this time alone together. Though Fazire is also going with them,” she contradicted herself and then remembered Victor’s announcement upon news that Nate was staying elsewhere that he’d accompany him as well. “And, as you know, Victor is going to be with them too so, really, Tash won’t be alone with Nate, as such.” Now she was both rambling and making little sense.
Maxie and Laura looked at each other.
“Fazire. Why?” Laura asked.
Lily didn’t respond. She wasn’t going to tell Laura that she didn’t need Fazire right now. She could barely cope with Maxie and Laura’s gentle concern. Fazire was chomping at the bit to speak to her. He’d been waiting for his moment for a week, finding Lily closing him down at every turn. Lily knew his patience, what little there was of it, was running out.
But Lily had made up her mind, she was going through with this and she didn’t want Fazire to talk her out of it.
It had been over a week since she gave Nate the motorcycle. Lily had been so certain she’d made headway that day with the way he’d reacted to her saving money for Tash’s school and the violent, stormy, uncontrolled way he’d made love to her after she’d told him she loved him. Then he had given in and let her buy him the bike without paying her back.
She’d been so certain she was melting his heart.
She’d been so certain she’d torn holes in his armour.
However, the next morning, everything changed.
Drastically.
He’d kept his normal routine, waking Tash, having breakfast with them but he was removed, more removed than his usual, he was entirely removed. Lily felt it, she saw it and it sliced through her.
Before leaving, he’d picked up Tash for their daily, Tash-wrapped-around-Nate-smack-on-the-lips good-bye, giving their daughter a warm smile. Then, unusually, he’d given Lily only a peck on the cheek. Even that, Lily had the uncomfortable feeling, was done for Tash’s benefit.
Nate had come home later than was his norm (Lily had been noticing he’d been coming home earlier and earlier each night). He’d read to Tash but then went directly to his study without a word to Lily.
Lily had decided to give him space; she’d gained ground and didn’t want to push it. She went so far as to go to bed without saying goodnight. She had made it her practice to visit him in his study for a goodnight kiss if he was working late, something she knew or thought they both enjoyed.
Nate had come up much later than usual but she had been awake, lying in the dark waiting for him. He didn’t turn to her, he didn’t make love to her, he didn’t pull her back into his front and burrow his face in her hair. Instead, he turned his back to her and went to sleep, just… like… that.
Throughout the weekend, Nate worked in his study all day each day and well into the night. He even avoided Victor and Laura although he welcomed Tash sitting and watching television in his study. He didn’t make love to Lily or pull her to him when he eventually sought their bed.
Victor, Laura and Fazire were casting strange, knowing glances amongst themselves but Lily knew better than to ask. Though she had to admit she found it peculiar that Fazire was participating in this behaviour, especially with Victor. Fazire had warmed a bit to Nate but never to Victor.
When the quiet and now openly concerned Victor and Laura left Sunday afternoon, Lily gave Nate his head until he left Tash’s room after she’d read herself to sleep and he headed straight to his study.
Lily followed him, knocked on the closed door and entered at his word. He barely glanced at her when she walked in and she felt her blood run cold.
“Nate?”
“What is it, Lily?” he asked, not lifting his eyes to hers after his first brief glance, his question sounding as if he didn’t much care about her answer and her cold blood slowed as ice crystals formed.
“Is something the matter?” Her voice was timid and unsure and his head came up at the sound of it. She felt a flicker of hope at the warm look she thought she caught in his eyes but then he shuttered them.
“I’m busy, Lily. We’re getting married next Saturday and then away for two weeks on honeymoon. I’ve a tremendous amount to do.”
This seemed plausible and Lily gave him a relieved but weak smile and walked to the side of his desk and stopped, wanting to touch him but for the first time in a long time, afraid.
“Can I do something to help?” she asked softly.
At this, for some reason, he laughed without humour, the sharp bark of it was harsh and it grated against her already frayed nerves.
“You could leave me to it,” he suggested when he was done with his anti-amusement, his eyes on her and they were hard and blank, telling her clearly she was an unwelcome distraction.