He kicked the door to the family room shut behind them and threw her on couch, following her down. He pulled off her clothes, tore off his own, his actions not gentle, nor were his mouth and his hands on her naked body and it finally slid into her consciousness that he was not the same. This wasn’t violent, stormy passion. This was selfish and devouring.
“Nate –” she whispered, trying to slow him, trying to reach him.
“Shut up, Lily,” he growled against her mouth and on those ugly words, he changed.
Instead of taking, he was giving but not in his usual way. It was like he was driven to force a response from her, to bend her body to his will and, damn it all, she loved him too much to deny him. She gave then she gave more then even more.
And he took it, all of it, everything.
Until she was there, waiting, needing him to come inside, her heart pounding, her breath coming in gasps, her body on fire for him.
“Nate –” she whispered again urgently, using her hands at his hips to try to bring him to her but he pulled away.
Her eyes opened and looked into his and she felt her heart rip apart at what she saw.
His were blank but his hand between her legs moved enticingly and her hips, of their own volition, pressed against him.
“Beg,” he demanded, his voice rough and sharp.
Lily stared then blinked, thinking for a moment she hadn’t heard him correctly.
“Wh… what?”
“You want me, Lily?” he asked, then his head descended and his mouth moved along her cheek to her ear.
As he did this, she nodded.
“You want me then beg,” he said into her ear.
She felt her chest seize as emotion filled it even as he manipulated her with his hand and her body betrayed her.
“Nate –”
“I want to hear you say it. Say, ‘Please, Nate, fuck me’.”
At his shocking demand, a demand so not Nate it was frightening, the tears crawled up her throat and his mouth moved from her ear to her breast, sucking in her nipple sharply, sending waves of pleasure through her. Then he rolled his tongue around it as his thumb simultaneously rolled at the core of her, knowing, from what was now months of experience, she loved this, responded to it, it made her soar.
This time, she fought it.
“Please don’t do this,” she pleaded and he came back over her.
“You want to know my secrets?” he asked and her head jerked. She wasn’t keeping up with his lightning-quick changes of mood, his shifting of topics, his shocking behaviour.
His hand was still working at her and she was close to climax, could feel it coming. She closed her eyes, arched her neck, wanting it to come so this would all be over and, hopefully, they could talk. Then his hand went away.
Her eyes snapped open and her chin jerked down to look at him.
“Do you want to know my secrets?” he repeated.
“No!” she cried, louder than she should in a house harbouring sleeping people, one of them their daughter.
His mouth silenced her and she struggled but his hand came back, tormenting her and her body swiftly descended into need even as she continued to fight it.
With supreme effort, she tore her mouth free. “Stop Nate.”
His thumb swirled and she couldn’t help herself, it felt so good, she moaned low in her throat.
“You don’t want me to stop,” he taunted cruelly at her moan. “As ever, you’re gagging for it.”
She bit her lip and knew he was right and she hated herself for it. She couldn’t stop her hips from pressing against his hand, her hands from roaming his back even as her eyes caught his in the darkness. She could see them burning into her, not with love or with passion but with ruthless determination to have exactly what he wanted.
“These are my secrets, Lily. This is who I am.”
She shook her head fiercely. She wouldn’t believe it, couldn’t.
“I know who you are. I wished for –”
“Beg,” Nate interrupted her words with his demand.
She shook her head again.
Then he smiled, a terrible smile that captivated her even as it repulsed her. Then he made her beg. With brute strength and merciless skill, he brought her to the edge of climax and took her away, time and again, until she could bear it no more and she felt, if she didn’t have release, her body would shatter.
Holding him tight, wrapping her arms around his back, her legs around his hips and bringing her lips to his, she whispered, humiliation warring with desire and losing, “Please, Nate, please fuck me.”
And he did.
It was hard, it was fast, it was rough and there was no love in it and she climaxed so magnificently, she felt for a moment she had shattered, gloriously. And after she didn’t hate herself for it, she detested herself, her weakness and part of that was because she felt, disloyally, like she detested him. Nate. Her wish. Her dream man. Her everything.
Immediately after he was done, he knifed away from her without regard for her sensitive body, put on his clothes and, looking down at her, he said, “I’m going to London. I’ll be back Friday.”
Then he was gone.
And Lily lay naked and exposed, staring into the darkness, into the space where he’d been, trying to still her mind then trying to catch a thought and failing at both. Finally, she wrapped a blanket around her body, curled up into a little ball and she cried.
Then she slept. Then she waited. And she tried to hope.
On Wednesday, she called his mobile. She knew he was talking to Tash, still shielding their daughter from whatever-it-was that was falling apart between them. But he didn’t contact Lily. She phoned his mobile in the morning not wishing to go through another humiliating episode with Jennifer. He did not answer. Then she rang him mid-morning, then the afternoon.
Still no answer and she felt hope quickly dying as he missed call after call that he promised he’d never miss.
Then she left the shop early and made certain she was home when Tash got home from school so she could latch onto the phone when Tash was done speaking to her father.
“Mummy wants to talk to you,” Tash said on a giggle as she watched Lily pacing in the kitchen, Fazire’s assessing eyes on her, regarding her from his seat at the table.
Lily nearly snatched the phone out of her daughter’s hand when Tash offered it to her.
Lily had been thinking about it, trying to find a reason for his abrupt change to such hostile behaviour and she’d convinced herself that she’d pushed too hard, got too close, made a mess of things by trying to break through and she was ready for retreat. Even having Nate removed was better than this.
“Nate, I –”
“Lily, I don’t have time for this now,” he interrupted her before she got started, “call me later.”
Then, without another word or waiting for her to respond, he hung up.
She stared at the phone finding it difficult to breathe, her heart stuttering so much she felt like it would come to a halt. Then she looked at Tash who had been grinning at her but her grin faded as Lily put the phone on the receiver.
“Didn’t Daddy –” Tash started.
“Daddy’s really busy, doll baby. Getting ready for our honeymoon,” Lily explained quietly, not believing a word she said but hoping that Tash would.
Luckily, her daughter bought her lie, her grin came back with a vengeance and she skipped out of the room.
“Lily-child,” Fazire spoke and started to float and Lily knew what that meant and she was having none of it.