Lily shook her head and when she heard Tash cooing to Mrs. Gunderson somewhere in the house, she said one word to Fazire, knowing he’d know what she meant, “Tash.”
Then she ran, ran out the front door, ran down the street, ran passed the pier, along the seafront path, straight to the bandstand and stopped. She stopped her feet, her heart and her thoughts and she started walking, fast, breathing heavily, making her body work hard so her mind wouldn’t. She walked until she felt she would drop then she turned toward home.
Later that night, when Fazire and Tash were both asleep, she tried Nate again.
He answered his mobile and in the background she heard what sounded like a busy club or restaurant.
“What is it Lily?” he asked instead of greeting her, obviously seeing her name displayed before answering his phone.
“I just wanted to say –” she began tentatively, not sure what she wanted to say but needing to say it all the same.
Then she heard, in a purring, female voice that was very close to the phone, “Nate, our table’s ready.”
Nate didn’t even try to cover the mouthpiece when he responded, “In a minute, Georgia.”
Lily’s legs buckled from under her and powerless to stop herself, she dropped and sat on the bed. It felt like it took a year for her to turn her head and look at the clock on the bedside table.
It was passed ten at night and Nate was out with Georgia, his old girlfriend, a woman Jeffrey had thought he was ready to marry. He was away from Lily the week before their wedding, in London, out on the town with another woman.
“Lily.” She heard her name sound in her ear as if from far away but she had herself together enough to note that Nate’s voice sounded impatient.
“It –” she cleared her throat, her body numb, her mind blank and she had no idea her voice betrayed exactly how broken she felt, “it’s nothing, Nate. Enjoy yourself.”
Then she’d pressed the button to hang up even as she heard him start to say her name again.
Her mobile rang in her hand almost immediately but she opened and closed it, disconnecting Nate without a word. Then she turned it off. The house phone rang and she picked it up out of its bed, hit the button for on then hit the button for off and then on again, listening to the insistent ring tone until it grew urgent and even longer and then it was silenced. Then she rolled on her side in the bed, pulled the pillow over her head and again, keeping her thoughts at bay with an extreme effort of will, she cried herself to sleep which was, she was realising, the only way she could get to sleep.
The following morning at the store, Maxie cornered her.
“What on earth is going on?”
It took effort but Lily lifted her eyes to Maxine’s. “Nothing,” she lied through her teeth. “Why do you ask?”
“Why do I… why…?” Maxie spluttered. “You’re marrying your dream man in two days and you look like hell. I’m sorry to say it but you do. You look pale, your eyes are all puffy. You should know, Fazire called me –”
“Don’t listen to Fazire. He doesn’t know what’s going on,” Lily broke in.
“Do you know what’s going on?” Maxie flashed back.
Lily responded automatically, “Nate’s an important man, a lot of people depend on him. He hasn’t had a holiday…” Lily stopped.
She had no idea when he’d last had a holiday. She had no idea about a lot of things about Nate.
What she did know was that he was guarded. What she did know was that he had secrets. What she did know was that, eight years ago he demanded that she move in and then promised her the world. Two weeks later, when she needed him the most, he broke all his promises and let her go. Now, eight years later, the same thing happened with slight differences. And, two months later…
What?
He’d warned her, she knew. He’d kept himself removed. He’d kept his distance. He’d planned for a time when she wouldn’t be in his life, nearly told her there would be a time but, besotted fool that she was, believing in genies and dreams and wishes, she hadn’t listened.
For the first time in years, she felt her confidence lying about her in tatters. She felt that she hadn’t lived up to whatever promise Nate had seen in her when he got her back. That this brilliant, rich, sophisticated, impossibly handsome man could never find what he needed in her.
Never.
“Just, please, Maxie. Let’s not talk about this. I’m getting a headache,” Lily finished on another lie something she was doing with alarming frequency these days.
Maxine bustled up close and looked Lily in the eyes. “Don’t give me that headache business, I know something’s not right and –”
Before she could finish, Lily’s mobile rang. It was sitting, face-up on the counter and both Maxie and Lily’s eyes swung to it.
The display said, “Nate Calling.”
Both Lily and Maxie reached for it. Luckily Lily got to it first for she knew Maxie, in her current mood, would probably make hideous matters far, far worse.
Lily hopped off her stool and swiftly rounded the counter, flipping open her phone and putting it to her ear.
“Nate?” she answered.
“Don’t you ever fucking hang up on me again and turn off the phones.”
Lily halted dead in her getaway from Maxie as Nate’s furious words hit her ear, his rage vibrating through her body like a lethal current.
He was the one who was out with an ex-girlfriend. He was the one who humiliated her on her own family room couch or, more to the point his, he’d bought it, but still, it was in her house and she hadn’t had the old one carted away. He was the one who was sneaking cigarettes in the garden at midnight. He was the one who wasn’t speaking to her. He was the one who was tearing her heart to shreds.
Lily could take it no more, she snapped.
“How dare you!” she shouted into the phone.
“You have my daughter in that house and if something happened, I couldn’t get through. You kept her from me for seven years, Lily. Don’t you ever play that fucking game again.”
Lily’s body went rock solid and she fired back, “I cannot believe you just said that to me.”
He ignored her. “I’ll be home tonight.”
“Don’t bother,” Lily retorted acidly.
“I’ll be home tonight,” he repeated then he hung up on her.
Lily stood with the phone to her ear, anger, humiliation and pain coursing through her so strongly, it took long moments before she realised Maxine was standing right in front of her.
When Lily’s eyes focussed on her, Maxine looked no longer angry and determined to get to the heart of the matter, Maxine looked scared.
“What just happened, sweetling?” she asked, her voice soft, gentle, coaxing.
At her friend’s tone, the fight slid out of Lily and her vision dissolved as tears flooded her eyes. Maxine’s arms went around her, holding her tight.
“I don’t know,” she whispered. “I don’t know.” Then she repeated it again, then again.
“Hush, sweetling. Hush,” Maxine murmured and stroked her hair.
When Lily pulled herself together, Maxine gave her a lilac, lace-edged handkerchief to dry her eyes and let the matter drop but the frightened look never left her face.
By the time Lily got home, terrified that Nate would already be there, her lie about the headache had come true. It wasn’t a migraine but it was close.