“Why?”
“I…” she snapped, “I don’t know why, it just does. Have you ever had one?”
“I never wanted one,” he replied.
“Well, you’re getting one this year,” she declared on a huff. “I cannot believe you’ve never had a birthday party. What’s your favourite kind of cake?” she fired off her question, eyes narrowed.
“Lily, I need to tell you the rest.”
“Nate, I don’t care about the rest. What kind of cake is your favourite?”
Nate stopped talking and stared at his bride-to-be.
He was telling her things of grave importance, things she needed to know before she legally bound herself to him. He was telling her things he’d never told anyone, not even Laura though he knew that Victor knew and guessed he’d told Laura, it was likely that Victor told Laura everything.
But Nate was telling Lily things he’d hidden from everyone, all his hideous secrets, and Lily was talking about cake.
“I don’t have a favourite cake,” Nate responded.
“Everyone has a favourite cake, Nate,” Lily informed him.
“Cake is cake,” Nate shot back, impatient to get back to the subject.
“Cake is not cake. There’s angel food cake and Victoria sponge. There’s coffee cake. There’s streusel cake. There’s cheesecake. Don’t even get me started on chocolate cake. There has to be hundreds of different kinds of chocolate cake.” She hesitated and Nate, thinking she was finished with her bizarre litany of cakes, opened his mouth to speak but then she went on. “German chocolate, devil’s food, chocolate sheet cake, chocolate mocha cake –”
Finally, he lost his patience and he interrupted her on a quiet explosion, “Lily, for Christ’s sake!”
That was when her hands came up to either side of his face and she stared him in the eyes. He realised she wasn’t looking at him with a wary, guarded expression nor were her shields up. She also wasn’t staring at him horrified and repulsed that he’d slept in dirty sheets, had a mother who was a drunken drug-addict and committed crimes before he was in his teens.
Instead, she was planning his birthday party.
And she was looking at him the way she used to look at him, with a look of awe, wonder, as if he was conqueror of nations, creator of worlds.
This hit him with the weight of a dozen anvils, he felt that weight and a clutch in his chest even as he felt warmth spread through his gut and his voice was rough when he murmured, “Lily.”
“I’m going to make you a cake,” she promised softly, “every week until your birthday so you can pick which one you like best.”
At her soft words, he felt the clutch in his chest release, completely and finally, leaving him free for the first time in his life to just breathe.
He pulled her tight into his arms, burying his face in the side of her neck and rolled to his back, taking her with him so she was on top.
“And we’re going to have a big party,” she continued speaking softly in his ear. “And we’re going to have a big Christmas. But, before that, we’re going to have a Fourth of July party and Thanksgiving –”
“I love you, Lily,” he whispered into her neck.
“And we’re going… what?”
He tilted his head back into the pillows and looked in her beautiful blue eyes. “I love you, Lily, more than anything on this earth.”
For a moment she just stared at him, her eyes wide and filling with wonder. Then he watched, fascinated, as they brightened with tears.
“Really?” she breathed.
Keeping their eyes locked, Nate lifted his head and brushed his lips against hers. “Really,” he said there.
“You love… me?” she asked, as if that was impossible to believe.
Because of Fazire’s story, he now understood her disbelief that he could love her even if it still stunned him and Nate knew he had to make her believe. His hand came up and tucked a sheaf of her heavy hair behind her ear.
“Yes, I love you,” he said, his voice hoarse with feeling.
“But –” she began and he kept going, resting his palm against her jaw and running his thumb along her tear-stained cheek.
“I loved you the minute I saw you, elegant, untouchable, beautiful and not for the likes of me,” he told her with complete honesty.
“Beautiful?” she whispered.
“When I first saw you, you were the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen and I remember everything Lily, every woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. You were extraordinary, magnificent, so much so I couldn’t even move.” Nate watched as her tears came faster and his other hand came up to frame her face and wipe away the wetness with his thumb. Then he whispered, “You still are, darling.”
Her face clouded and she pulled slightly away. “I have to tell you…” she whispered hesitantly and went on cautiously, “it’s all a wish. You don’t really see me. You see what Fazire –”
“I know about Fazire,” Nate cut her off. “I know what he is. I know about your wish and it wouldn’t matter.” He watched her eyes grow round and he continued. “If there was no wish, no magic and no genies, I’d think the same thing. I see you Lily, your natural elegance, your beautiful eyes, your fantastic smile, your lush body –”
“Stop,” she cut in and rubbed her fingers across her cheeks, trying to brush away the tears as she pushed his hands away but he held fast.
“You are beautiful, but I don’t love you because you’re beautiful.”
She became still again in order to stare at him.
“Why do you love me?” she whispered and he answered immediately.
“Because you have the courage to jump on a purse snatcher’s back. Because you have an unnatural abhorrence to litter. Because you act like a ride on a motorcycle is like being given the keys to a kingdom of dreams. Because you have the ability to make all the people around you love you even when they barely know you. Because you inspire loyalty. Because you made our daughter happy even when you were not. Because you created a comfortable, loving home for her even though you had no money.”
“Nate, don’t –” she interrupted, squeezing her eyes shut as if it would blot out his words but he didn’t listen.
“Because you taste good and feel even better. Because you look at me like no one else has ever done.”
“Stop,” she broke in forcefully, her eyes flying open, “I want to tell you why I love you.”
He felt his body get tense.
“Do you?” he asked quietly.
“Do I what?” she asked in return.
“Do you still love me?”
He watched her brows snap together. “Why wouldn’t I?”
He smiled at her and he knew it was a smile filled with regret. “I don’t know, darling,” he answered softly, “maybe because I let you go, broke my promises, didn’t take care of you, made you beg for –”
She lifted her hand between them and waved at the air while saying, “Oh that. I’m over that.”
At this breezy announcement and her acting as if his constant betrayals of trust were akin to forgetting to take out the rubbish, Nate couldn’t have stopped it if he’d tried, which he didn’t and his body started shaking with laughter.
He decided instantly that he loved that about her too, her ability to forgive though, in the same instant, he vowed he’d never do anything that she’d have to forgive, not ever again.
His laughter was short-lived when he heard Lily gasp.
“What’s happened to your hand?” she cried, rearing back, she grabbed his wrist and stared at the bloody handkerchief tied around his hand.