Incapable of speaking, I simply nodded my head and began to softly cry.
“I can’t imagine living…” he released my back and raised his hand to his face.
After wiping the tears from his face, he inhaled a breath through his nose, and continued, “I can’t…I can’t imagine living a life without you in it.”
To think for one minute that I had touched Trent as deeply as he had touched me was more rewarding than any gift, sum of money, or object I could ever obtain.
“Now go get your stuff packed, the love of your life is waiting,” he said.
I stood, kissed him on the cheek, and wiped my eyes.
“It’s not going to get any easier, Rain. Just go,” he said as he waved his hand toward the door.
I nodded my head and turned away. Slowly, I walked away, realizing although I may not see Trent for some time, there was a possibility I’d see Ethan soon. As I opened the door I turned toward Trent.
“I love you,” I said.
He reached down and pinched the chest of his tee shirt in between his thumb and finger. As he pulled it forward, stretching it tight out in front of him, he grinned.
“You see what happens when you walk away?” he said a she held the shirt taught.
Awwe.
“I love you too. Tell Ethan he’s a dick, and I’ll see you soon, okay?”
I snorted a laugh and nodded my head.
As I released the door and stepped into the hallway, I knew although I was leaving someone as valuable to me as Trent had become, having Ethan in my life would make me the richest woman in the world.
Now all we had to do was find him.
ETHAN
I would have expected leaving Rain and Cade to be the most difficult thing in my life. After thirty days without any means of contact with them, I realized leaving wasn’t near as difficult as attempting to now live a life without them.
Although my former dream of owning my own shop had become a reality, I didn’t feel I was living the dream. Times change, feelings change, and along with it, we change. My one desire, my dream, and my only shot at a life filled with love was 1,400 miles away, and I had no way of knowing what the future for me held.
Separating myself from Rain solidified my belief of her being my true love. The separation allowed me to see, feel, and fully understand she was the only woman who could complete my life. Now feeling as if I was in a stand-off with God, I lived from day to day wondering not only if he truly existed, but if so, questioning if he would ever place the two most important people in my life in front of me again. If by some miracle they chose to try, and they succeeded, there would only be one true explanation.
I had lived for the last eight years knowing I loved Cade as if he were my brother. Now that he was gone, I realized my love for him was something even I was incapable of explaining. Having him in my life allowed me to set aside my family, forget the loss of my brother, and live from day-to-day with an odd sense of comfort in having Cade as my family. Coming home at night and not having him greet me left me feeling empty and broken.
Living from day-to-day knowing I may never see them again made my life difficult. In some respects, I looked at it as a life lesson. I now knew beyond any doubt the depth of my love for Rain and Cade both, but struggled with the concept of and my belief in God.
The only thing that kept me in a state of mind sufficient to live life was the hope that my leaving may have allowed Rain and Cade to move on with their lives, realize their love for one another, and begin a family. If the sacrifice I made in leaving and the pain I felt in their absence allowed their relationship and love for each other to blossom, I felt I could happily live the rest of my life knowing it was all for good reason.
I loved them far too much to stand in the way.
I held the surfboard tight at my side as I walked down the concrete walk. As I reached the crest of the hill, I gazed off in the distance and grinned at the sight of the beautiful beach. Ten more minutes and I’d be there, perfecting my newest means of escaping my thoughts.
The Big Sur.
Maybe today I’d be able to stay up on it for longer than 60 seconds at a time.
As I walked, I gazed out at the ocean, and focused on the horizon, where the ocean met the afternoon sky. It was a magnificent sight, something more beautiful in person than I ever would have expected. As I stared mindlessly at the gorgeous sight, slowly my eyes came into focus, and I realized just how majestic the earth truly was.
I stopped, clutched the surfboard, and stared.
If you believe in our love for one another, bring them here. If they find me, I’ll know there’s only one reason they did so. And you have my word I’ll cherish them both for a lifetime.
RAIN
Driving across the United States I didn’t feel I was leaving anything, I felt as if I was going home. As each mile clicked away on the GPS, I felt I was one mile closer to the end of my journey in life. Each mile caused me to feel a little bit safer, more distant from the monster, and closer to having my life back where I knew it belonged.
Cade didn’t hesitate to quit his job, sell some of his belongings, and pack up the remaining items into a moving van. His love for Ethan, as different as it was, was as great - if not greater - than mine.
“The turn off for Grand Canyon is coming up in a few miles. You want to see one of the wonders of the word?” Cade asked.
“There’s only one thing I want to see, and it isn’t a canyon,” I responded as I stared at the GPS.
We had 702 miles to go. At a 70 mile an hour average, we’d be there in 10 hours.
“Ten more hours,” I said cheerily as I clapped my hands together.
I kicked off my flip-flops and propped my feet on the dash. Although I was enjoying seeing the sights on the road, my mind was elsewhere. I knew there were no assurances I would be right about my belief in where Ethan was, but his letter left me no alternative but to believe this was a test on his part.
A test of our love for him.
And our devotion.
“Will you be alright if we just go ahead and drive straight through?” Cade asked.
I nodded my head as I glanced at the GPS. It was 10:00 am. With the one hour we’d gain when we crossed into the Pacific time zone, we’d be there around 7 o’clock at night.
“Yep, just keep driving. We can get a room, and then tomorrow, it’ll be Monday. In the morning we’ll start our search,” I said as I reached for the bag of dried fruit Cade had purchased for us to nibble on.
“Okay. I keep getting more and more excited the closer we get. Do you really think you’re right? It just seems weird he never mentioned anything to me at all about this. I mean not one word,” he sighed.
I poked a mango in my mouth, turned toward him, and ginned, “I’m right.”
He shook his head, brushed his hair form his face, and gazed out the side window at a forest alongside the highway, “I sure hope so.”
“I miss him, Rain. It seems like a year, but it’s only been like five weeks,” he said as he shifted his eyes to the road ahead.
I studied the piece of pineapple in my hand as I thought of the last five weeks, and how difficult it was to live life in a positive state of mind. Both of our lives were in shambles, and we stumbled though each day depressed and longing for the day we were able to finally leave. The only thing fueling us to continue was the hope we’d one day be with Ethan again.
When we finally began the trip, I think we were both relieved to be on the road not only to see Ethan, but to recovery from the hell we’d been living in for the last month.
“I know. And I lost five pounds in five weeks. I didn’t have five to lose,” I sighed as I poked the pineapple in my mouth.