“Not might,” I replied. “I absolutely, one-hundred percent, still have feelings for you. And, they are just as strong as the day I left.” I pulled her hands up to my chest and took a step toward her. “I never stopped loving you, Nora. I can promise you that.”
“I... I...” she mumbled through her words. I wanted to be with her. To kiss away her pain. To let her know that what I was saying was true. “I need some time to think about this.”
“I can do time,” I answered. “I can give you all the time you need, but I need you to know that there is no way that I’m making the same mistake twice. I’m not leaving you again.” Her eyes went wide when I leaned in, her lips parting slightly like she was anticipating my lips on hers. When I pressed them to her forehead instead, I heard her sigh a breath of relief. I let my lips linger as long as I thought I could without pushing her.
“Thank you for hearing me out,” she said. I released her hands as she started to walk away.
“Hey,” I said as she walked down the steps. She turned to look at me, the moonlight bouncing off her hair and the tears on her face. “You know I’m going to fight for you?”
“Yeah, I know.” The slightest of smiles tugged at her lips even though tears still glistened in her eyes. But there was a certain measure of relief in those beautiful eyes too. Perhaps, it was a good thing that she’d shown up tonight after all.
* * *
She needed time, I’d give her time. I let her go that night, despite wanting to ask her to stay. Even if staying meant just holding her in my arms all night and apologizing repeatedly for what she went through when I left.
The guilt of knowing what had happened to her, to our baby, was enough to drive me straight up the stairs and to my room that night. How could I have been so selfish? I couldn’t look my brother or Brett in the eyes without them knowing something was on my mind, so I just avoided them.
I had never really put much thought into being a father, but knowing that I could have been was numbing. I could have a six year old right now. Everything that I’d accomplished in life seemed meaningless in the grand scheme. I could have been a dad. I thought long and hard about what it would have been like to have had a family with Nora. It might not have been something that I’d thought about before, but I definitely wanted it now. It had suddenly become the top priority on my list. I had to make things right between us.
I had a lot of pining to do if I wanted her to see that she belonged with me. What’s the old saying? Where there’s a will, there’s a way. My phone chimed from the nightstand when I finally laid down that night after nearly pacing a hole through the wood floors in my bedroom.
Nora: Maybe we can try to be friends.
The text message from her was unexpected, considering she’d asked me to give her time just a few hours ago.
Me: I’ll take it.
I replied and went to bed that night knowing that I had the will, and she was giving me the way. If we were friends, at least she wouldn’t be avoiding me and refusing to talk. Friends talk. Friends hang out. Friends turn to lovers. I might have been getting a little bit ahead of myself, but I had a good feeling about us.
“Hey,” Reid called out when he saw me standing outside the one diner in town. “Fancy seeing you here,” he teased. It was lunchtime. I either ate at the office or I ate here, same as every other person that worked in Halstead. As soon as I saw him though, I’d really wished I packed a lunch today. I’d told him that I thought we could be friends, but I hadn’t anticipated running into him so soon. Three days ago, I was crying on his front porch.
Everything that I’d wanted and needed to say to him I did, but nothing was made clearer. I believed his reasons for leaving before. I didn’t like it, but I understood. It was the question of whether or not I was willing to end my relationship, which I knew was on decently solid ground, for one that may or may not blow up in my face.
“Still not many choices for dining out,” I replied. “What brings you into town?” See? I could totally maintain civility and hold a friendly conversation. Clearing the air had helped. Zero ounces of awkward.
I felt relieved that I’d told Reid about the pregnancy, but I could sense that he wanted a much deeper conversation than we were having at the moment. I wanted to tell him that despite how terrible everything had been, I’d made my peace with it. I wasn’t ready to raise a baby back then. Especially alone. Life has a way of working out the way it’s supposed to. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.
“Yeah, I’m picking up lunch for everyone on the crew. They’ve started the work on the house,” he clarified. “You’ll have to come out and see it. Maybe we can talk some more about—”
“I’m actually meeting Beau.” I felt the need to disclose my reasons for being there, apart from the obvious, and stop whatever conversation Reid was trying to start. The middle of town in broad daylight was not a place where I wanted to discuss our break-up or my miscarriage. Judging from the dirt on the front of his jeans, he must have been helping the crew, and the understanding in his eyes told me that he knew it wasn’t the right time or place for us to talk. I forbid myself from imagining a scenario in which this devastatingly handsome man in front of me was participating in manual labor. The dirt, the sweat, the heavy lifting...
Well, fuck.
“Of course you are,” he said, accompanied by a soft laugh.
“We eat lunch together all the time.” I wasn’t sure why I felt the need to tell him, but I did. “It’s nice that we both work here in town. We get to see each other a lot.”
“That’s nice,” he said halfheartedly, taking a step toward me. He crossed his suntanned arms over his chest and I couldn’t help but look at just how toned and muscular they were. The shirt he was wearing was just like every other shirt he had, or at least like the few that I’d seen on him since he came back to town. Tight in all the right places, and apparently made out of some sort of hell spun fabric that made even unavailable women lose their wits. The urge to trace my fingers across the tattoos and veins running across his forearms teased my thoughts.
“It’s really nice that we get to see each other all the time,” I mumbled, trying to pull my eye from his skin.
“So you said,” he replied. He had the same mischievous look in his eye that could have gotten me in trouble when we were younger. One look from him and I was sneaking out of my house after my parents had gone to bed or cutting class to make out in the janitor’s closet. We’d never actually been caught doing anything wrong, and I had to admit the thrill of the possibility, the sneaking around, had been exhilarating. He inched a little bit closer to me and I held my breath and waited for his next move.
“Having a boyfriend that lives in the same town makes life so much easier.”
“I can imagine that it makes things... convenient.”
“It does,” I breathed out as he let his tongue lick the corner of his lips.
“I kind of prefer unpredictability though. Easy has never really been my thing.”
“I... I...” I tried to form some sort of thought, but constructing a sentence was impossible with him standing so close.
“Not knowing where or when you are going to bump into someone seems like much more fun. Like this. This is fun, right?” He bit down on his bottom lip and I damn near dropped my phone on the sidewalk. “Why so nervous, Shutterbug?”
“I’m not nervous,” I scoffed. Easy has never really been my thing. Well, no shit, Sherlock. This is exactly why I’d suggested we stay away from each other before stupidly deciding we could be friends. I was a glutton for punishment. Or at least a fool who enjoyed toying with temptation.