He massaged the back of his neck, somewhat contrite. “Yeah. I know. Sorry. It’s been stressful, watching you suffer and not being able to help.”
Slowly I relaxed. “Has a slayer ever bitten another slayer like that?”
“Not to my knowledge. Not while both are still human.”
Why Justin? Why me? What had been different? “Did I try to bite anyone while I was...out of it?” The moment I asked, memories came flooding back to me. Cole. I’d tried to bite Cole.
“Just me,” he said without any hint of emotion.
I soaked in horror like a sponge. “I’m sorry,” I rushed out. “I know I failed. Wait. I failed, right?”
He gave one, sharp nod. “You did.”
I relaxed again, but only slightly. “I’m so sorry, Cole. I don’t know what came over me, but I do know I’m not going to do it again. I promise you.”
He shrugged—and I wasn’t sure whether he was trying to tell me he believed me...or that he didn’t.
“I mean it,” I insisted.
“You tried to bite me more than once,” he said flatly.
Oh. I didn’t remember the other times. “I’m so sorry,” I repeated. “I didn’t realize...”
“I know.”
I gulped. Was he disgusted with me now? “Do you think Anima put Justin up to hurting me? Causing this kind of reaction, thinking we’d destroy each other?”
“Maybe, but like you, I don’t think Justin knew what he was doing.”
Agreed. The red I’d seen in his eyes... “Where is he now?”
“Ankh kept him below, in the dungeon, as you like to call it, for a few days to make sure the antidote was working and he wouldn’t try to attack anyone else. Tests were run, and a strange toxin was found in his blood. Not zombie, but actually antizombie. Different than what’s in the antidote. We think it’s what made him vomit.”
Wait. Hold everything. “A few days? How long have I been out? Did you check my blood, too?”
Used to my rapid-fire questions, he easily followed. “About a week. And yes. You had—have—the same antizombie toxin, only you have a lot more of it, which makes us think you shared it with him when he bit you.”
Crap. I’d lost another week of my life. My poor Nana. Ugh, my poor grades. “How and where would I have gotten an antizombie toxin? And why is it in my blood, rather than my spirit?”
He shrugged. “Could be an ability, like the visions. And if it’s in your spirit, it’s in your blood. We have to test what we can.”
Yes. Okay. All of that made sense.
When I’d first moved in with Nana, I’d found a journal written in a strange numbered code that always seemed to unravel by itself. Through it, I’d learned some slayers were born with strange abilities no one could explain. A poisonous spirit, and thereby blood, had been on the list—which was actually a good thing. Like Justin, the zombies sickened soon after biting me.
“Just so you know, we told everyone you’d overdone it and reopened your wound,” Cole said. “Both of which are true.”
“Thank you.”
He nodded, moved to the door.
He was...leaving me? Just like that?
“Cole,” I called. “We need to talk.”
“You need to rest.”
“Cole.” My voice lashed like a whip. I wasn’t letting him get away. Not this time.
He paused, faced me. His features were blank.
“This has to stop.”
He gave a single nod, and the formality of the action worried me.
“I tried not to push you, but you have to give me something. Your silence is driving me crazy.”
He crossed his arms as if preparing for battle. “Some things aren’t meant to be discussed, Ali.”
Today, I just couldn’t accept that. I’d come this far... “At Hearts, you couldn’t spend time with me. Why?”
He ran his tongue over his teeth. “I’ve already told you all I’m willing to say on that subject.”
“You asked me to trust you, and now I’m asking you to trust me with the truth. Why?”
Silence.
Argh! I tried a different approach, saying, “You told me you wanted me to stay away from Gavin, and yet you have been the one to stay away from me. Why?”
Again silence.
Dang him! I was giving, but he wasn’t giving anything back. “What we just saw in the vision—”
“Will happen.” Fury blazed in his eyes, making me miss the expressionless mask. “You know it will. It always does.”
I’d denied it to myself, but I couldn’t deny it to him. He’d call my bluff. “Maybe it doesn’t mean what we think it means.”
His head tilted to the side, and he studied me intently. Hopefully? “What do you think it means?”
“I...don’t know.” I wasn’t at my best just then. But I knew that just because I’d stood with Gavin, and Cole had stood with Veronica, and just because I’d had my hands on Gavin and Cole had been smiling so peacefully at Veronica, didn’t mean we belonged with Gavin and Veronica. “What do you think it means?”
Please tell me what I want to hear.
He would. He had to. Not many people were as layered as Cole. A hard outer shell covered razor blades, and razor blades covered steel. But for those willing to dig—and endure the injuries and bleeding—a soft, gooey center could be found. I’d dug. I’d found it. He wouldn’t let me go, wouldn’t turn to Veronica.
“I think it means...we’re over,” he said, and closed his eyes.
He would. He really would.
He might as well have slapped me. “No,” I said, shaking my head. “No.”
“Okay, let me rephrase. I know it means we’re over. We have to be. I’ve almost lost you twice, and I’m going to lose you for good when the visions start coming true. I’m not going to hang on to a lost cause, Ali.”
Panic set in. I had to make him understand. “I’m not a lost cause. We’re not a lost cause. I don’t like Gavin.”
“But you will.”
No! “Don’t do this,” I said. “Please. You have to trust me. Please,” I said again, and I didn’t care how desperate I sounded. “There are some things you can never take back, and this is one of them.”
A terrible stillness came over him. I wasn’t sure he was even breathing. Then he was stomping to the wall, throwing a fist.
Boom! I flinched. Plaster gave, leaving a hole. Dust mushroomed through the air.
Here was the dangerous boy I’d been warned about in the beginning. The one mothers wanted to hide from their daughters. The panty melter, I’d heard a few girls at school call him. The boy others feared. The violent criminal. The hard-hearted machine.
“I’m not going to look at Gavin and suddenly start wanting him,” I whispered. I couldn’t even imagine it. “You’re the one for me. And this isn’t like you,” I added. “You never back down. You never walk away from a fight.” Fight for me.
He pressed his forehead into the damaged wall.
“Cole,” I said quietly. Must get through to him. “Do you want Veronica?”
“No,” he said, and I could have sobbed with relief. “Not even a little.”
“See!”
“Ali, I...” He straightened, turned toward me. I saw the panic a split second before a sheet of ice fell over his features, and that ice was far worse than the fury he’d displayed earlier. “Our feelings right now aren’t the problem. One day I hope you’ll forgive me. I doubt I’ll ever be able to forgive myself. But...we’re done.”
Done.
Just like that.
Over. Finished.
“Cole.”
“We’re done,” he repeated more firmly. “We’re done.”
How finite he sounded. How sure.
For the second time in my life, my heart broke into thousands of pieces. I thought I would die. But this time, I had the second heart, the new one, whatever it was, to pick up the slack, to keep me alive.