“Told you,” I said.
“You were right,” said Blue.
“Care to tell us about it, Lord—uh, I don’t know what name you gave yourself.”
Omlo became himself again. “Chypan, m’lord. It went as you said it would.”
“So he has the tiassa.”
“And the case.”
I nodded. “And by now, the Phoenix Guards have Feorae, and are wondering what to do with him.”
Blue nodded. “Hard to arrest for tagged coins the man in charge of carrying out arrests for possession of tagged coins.”
Omlo said, “Is there any chance—”
“No,” I said. “You’re safe. Though I’d run off and change clothes pretty fast. You wouldn’t want to be recognized by any of our fine law enforcement officers.”
“Yes, m’lord. I’ll be right back.”
“And so,” Foxy said when he’d left, “now we just wait for the results? They get so embarrassed that they stop tagging coins?”
“Something like that,” I said.
“You’re being evasive, Lord Taltos,” said Ibronka.
The Blue Fox frowned at her, then looked at me.
“Pretty,” I said, “and smart, too. You’re a lucky guy.”
His eyes narrowed. “What haven’t you told us?”
“What haven’t you told me?”
“No, you answer our question,” said Ibronka.
“Why?”
“Because if you don’t I’ll eviscerate you.”
“All right. I just wanted to be sure you had a good reason.”
She leaned forward and started to say something, but Bluey put a hand on her shoulder, and she sat back, still looking at me. I decided I would really prefer it if she didn’t decide to kill me.
“Right. It’s pretty simple. The whole thing you came to me with was nonsense to begin with.”
“What do you mean?” asked the guy with the funny name.
“The idea of the Empire trying to stop robbery by sorcerously marking coins is reasonable, but you being worried about it isn’t. In a year or two there will be so many tagged coins floating around that they’d go nuts trying to separate the innocent from the guilty.”
“Then why did they do it?”
“They don’t worry about there being a bit of robbery on the highways, they just have to make it look like they’re worried about robbery on the highways, so the merchant Houses don’t raise too much of a fuss. They’re always coming up with ways to try to make the roads safe. Remember when they had teleporting squads of Phoenix Guards? How long did that last? A year? And before that, they tried using ravens to watch the roads. And Phoenix Guards dressed up as merchants. All sorts of crazy things. So I asked myself, why would you even be worrying about it when it will go away by itself?”
Ibronka was staring hard. I ignored her. “So, I wondered what you were really after. I thought it over, and did a little checking. I was wrong about you. I thought you’d made up the part about being a highwayman; but it turns out that you actually were one, a few hundred years ago. I was surprised.”
“So you know who I am,” he said.
“I knew who you were when we met. You’re the Viscount of Adrilankha. That’s why I agreed to do the job in the first place: I thought it would be useful to have your mother owe me a favor. Your father, too, for that matter.”
“I see.” He didn’t look very happy. “Well, I wouldn’t think anyone would owe you a favor if that escapade we just pulled off didn’t do anything. And you’ve just explained why there was no need to convince the Empire to stop tagging coins. So—just what is it that we did?”
I shook my head. “That part’s easy. What bothered me was: Why?”
All expression was gone from his face. He said, “Did you find out?”
“Nothing more than theories.”
“And you think I’m going to tell you.”
“Probably.”
“Careful, Boss. She looks like she’s ready to move.”
“I’ve noticed. Think she’s a sorcerer, too, Loiosh?”
“Don’t know. She’s a Dzur, so probably.”
I felt the weight of Spellbreaker around my left wrist, but left it there.
“The first time we met,” I said, “you were trying to make me attack you.”
“Yeah? Why didn’t you?”
“Because I figured out you wanted me to. I’m just contrary that way.”
“So what does your contrariness want now?”
“There’s an ancient Eastern sport called fox hunting. The best hunters, I’m told, used to have a remarkable collection of tails.”
“Perhaps,” he said, “now isn’t the best time to turn my bait.”
“Yeah, all right.”
“You were saying something about why you think we did whatever you think we did.”
“I know,” I said, choosing my words carefully so that it wouldn’t sound like I was choosing my words carefully, “that people do stupid things. I’ve done stupid things. It happens.”
“What’s your point, Jhereg?”
“Nothing is more stupid than falling in love with a tag.”
His hand jerked toward his blade, but stopped and he sat back. He glared. It was a good glare; I was impressed. I took another chance: “I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to call your lover stupid. These things happen.”
He remained motionless, still glaring.
“Tags don’t fall in love,” I said.
He snorted. “Right. Their profession means they aren’t human.”
I ignored the potential confusion over what “human” meant and said, “My mistake. Tags do fall in love. But they don’t fall in love with nums.”
“Nums?”
“Numbers. Clients. It doesn’t happen. That means it’s all one-way.”
“If you’re giving me advice on—”
“Foxy, shut up before you say something stupid. You went out for some fun, and you or your lover or both of you fell for the tag. It happens. But it doesn’t go the other way. Maybe she likes you two, but that’s as far as it goes. That’s as far as it can go. If you don’t figure that out, you’ll both end up more miserable than you already are.”
Ibronka stood up; her hand was shaking. She really wanted to kill me. “Stop it,” I told her. “You’re only upset because you know I’m right. I don’t like you any more than you like me, but I’m telling you the truth. Tags don’t fall for nums. You know that.”
Fox-boy, still glaring, one hand on Ibronka’s arm, said, “If I already know it, why are you saying it?”
“I’m trying to figure out why you’re coming after me.”
“Because you had her beaten, and cursed.”
“Actually, H’noc did, as you know.”
“He works for you.”
“True enough.” I shrugged. “She worked for me, too. And she stole from nums. That’s what happens when you do that. And there are healers, you know. By now—”
“Not the point,” he said.
“No,” I said. “I suppose it isn’t.” I sighed. “You understand, I hope, that you’re an idiot.”
Oddly, that did nothing to reduce the glare he was still sending at me. Fortunately, I’m used to being glared at, and it no longer gives me the night sweats.
I leaned back. “You went through all that work because a tag who stole from a num got slapped around a little. What was my man supposed to do, give her a bonus? So you arrange to have me beaten—nice move, by the way, two for one, and then—what—you wanted to get me arrested? You know what happens if I go down for possession of tagged coins? A fine, a few lashes, maybe a little time. Then I’m right back here. What’s your point, anyway?”