"That sounds like Kartauk. He always believes in drinking deep of every experience regardless of later regrets."
"Not every experience."
A note in Margaret's voice caused Ian to lift his gaze to her face and found to his surprise that a flush had risen to her cheeks.
"I mean, he's not as heedless as you might think," she said quickly.
"No?"
"His work—" She stopped and then rushed on. "He's very careful. . . ." She jumped to her feet. "It's time for your supper. I'll go tell Tamar."
"I'm not hungry yet."
"You will be. You must eat."
"Margaret."
She stopped at the door, her spine rigid. "Yes."
"Ask Kartauk to join us for supper."
She did not turn around. "Why?"
Fear. She was afraid. His Margaret, who feared nothing and no one, was afraid.
"I need to sharpen my chess game, and he has not supped with us for a long time. I miss his company."
He could see the muscles of her back ease. "He's been busy."
"He can spare one evening." He kept his voice carefully light. "I wish to thank him for helping you fashion my fine seal."
"I will tell him but I cannot promise he will come."
"Shall I write him a note?"
"No!" She turned to face him. "You really wish to see him?"
"One always wishes to see a good friend," he said quietly. "And it's been too long, Margaret."
"Very well, I'll see that he joins us." She turned on her heel and left the chamber.
His smile faded and he leaned back, closed his eyes, and let the pain wash over him.
God in heaven, why could you not have been merciful? Margaret did not need this additional cross to bear.
Perhaps he was wrong. Perhaps it was not true.
He would know when he saw them together.
"Tamar, will you fetch another bottle of wine?" Ian made a face before glancing down at the chess board again. "This vintage doesn't please me."
"Certainly, Samir Ian." Tamar instantly moved toward the door. "I regret I failed you in this. Perhaps whiskey instead? I know you like that better."
"You know he can't have whiskey, Tamar," Margaret said. "The doctor said he was to drink nothing stronger than wine."
"He should not have forbidden him whiskey, if that is what he likes," Tamar said with a frown. "Whiskey, Samir Ian?"
"This wine tastes fine to me," Kartauk said.
"If Samir Ian says the wine is bad, it is bad," Tamar said with a touch of belligerence.
"Just another bottle of wine, Tamar," Ian said quickly.
Kartauk chuckled as the door closed behind the servant. "Good God, I see what you mean, Margaret. Is he always this obliging, Ian?"
"Always." Ian smiled faintly. "The Cinnidans are so robust themselves, they have a horror of ill health. Tamar would have drowned himself in the sea before he would have become the crock I am. He sees no reason to deny me any pleasure just to prolong my life."
Margaret frowned. "You're not a crock and he should not have offered you—"
"He meant only to make me happy," Ian interrupted. He changed the subject. "Margaret has been raving about your workmanship on Ruel's seal, but I cannot believe it finer than mine, Kartauk." Ian moved his knight on the board. "An elephant is all very well, but it lacks a certain dignity."
"Are you saying the apprentice is more talented than the master?" Kartauk looked up from the chess board with a grin. "Blasphemy."
"I'm saying I should judge for myself. Let me see Ruel's wondrous seal."
"Now?"
Ian nodded. "I'm tormented by curiosity. I must see it."
"Then I'll go fetch it from the studio." Kartauk started to get up from his chair. "It will take only a minute."
"No, not you." Ian turned to Margaret. "Would you go and fetch it, love? I plan on checkmating this rascal within the next few moves."
"If you wish." She moved immediately toward the door. "Though you'll be disappointed. My work is a mere dabble compared to Kartauk's."
"You never disappoint me, Margaret."
The chamber was silent for a time after the door closed behind her.
"Well, you've gotten rid of both of them," Kartauk commented as he moved his queen. "Why did you want Margaret gone?"
He should have known Kartauk would realize the seal was only a ploy, Ian thought with relief. Thank God Kartauk's bluntness was equaled by his perceptiveness. "She was uneasy. It was an uncomfortable evening for her, poor lass."
"Was it?"
"You know it was." He kept his gaze on the chess board, but he could sense Kartauk's wariness. "Which is why I will not ask you to come here again."
"Why did you ask me tonight?"
"I had to know. I had to be certain."
Kartauk's sudden tension was so well masked as to have been imperceptible if Ian had not been watching for it. "Certain about what?"
Ian hesitated, searching for words. "I don't mind for myself, you know. Oh, at first there was a sting. I've loved her all my life and gotten used to thinking of her as mine. I remember walking up that hill beyond the castle with her when she was only a lass of ten and thinking, all of our life is going to be like this. All of our life we'll be together. Such happy times ..." He trailed off and then smiled with an effort. "But those times are over, aren't they? And I'd be a true dog in the manger to blame anyone but fate' and myself for their passing. Margaret didn't leave me; I've been the one leaving her these last years."
Kartauk was silent for a moment. "I suppose I should deny it."
"No lies," Ian said. "Please, no lies. We have no time for them."
"No lies." Kartauk was silent again before he said haltingly, "I did not want to love her, but I do not regret it."
"You should not," Ian said gently. "Love is rare and beautiful. It enriches life."
"Margaret has never been unfaithful to you." Kartauk shrugged. "I am not like you. I do not think any pleasure is a sin. There was a time . . . but it never happened."
"I know, and it never will." Ian raised his gaze from the board. "It's only fair you realize that truth. She may love you but she will never leave me until the day I die." He grimaced. "And I can't even promise to do that with any great dispatch. I cannot bring myself to commit a mortal sin by taking my own life, or I would have been out of the way long ago."
"No one wants you out of the way," Kartauk said gruffly.
"No one but me." Ian smiled sadly. "I pray for it every night but I'm never taken." He went on brusquely. "But that is neither here nor there. The important thing is to keep Margaret as content as possible."
"You wish me to leave Cinnidar?"
"Of course not. I would not deprive Margaret of your company. You will continue to keep her amused and busy, to protect her and love her as you are doing right now. However, I must deprive myself. She is so guilt-ridden, it's clearly a torment for her to see us in the same room." He met Kartauk's gaze. "And she must never know we've had this talk. You agree?"
"I agree." Kartauk nodded slowly. He blinked rapidly and looked down at the chess board. "You're a fine man, Ian MacClaren, and stronger than I would be in the same situation."