My demon aspect laughed. “Are you blind, Sasuke? I belong to my light side, not the other way around. If they try to grab me she can pull me out, Heaven will back her, and we end up being forced to join the Bright Kami instead of staying independent. My existence is the only silver lining they’ve got in this shit-storm, and they’re not going to throw that away. You, on the other hand, will make the perfect scapegoat for all those middle managers who don’t want to be blamed for missing their chance to claim the world.”
She laughed. “You wronged a kami, little man, and for what you’ve done to me I claim your soul. I’m going to sell you off to the highest bidder, and make sure you get exactly what you deserve.”
“Wait,” I said.
She frowned.
Hinata gave me an astonished look. “Sakura? Surely you’re not suggesting we spare him?”
I sighed. “No, but… I don’t want to do it like this. Besides, if you take him to Hell now he’ll still be erased when we reset. Lock him up in your mindscape, demon girl. We’ll deal with him after we go back, when he won’t conveniently get to avoid his fate.”
“Oh. Good point,” my demon self agreed. “Alright, then. I’ll need some rest before I can come out again, so I’ll see you all later.”
She vanished with her prisoner.
“Oh dear,” Astoria fretted. “Isn’t that a bit harsh, Sakura?”
I shook my head. “I’m not going to hand him over to the demons, Astoria. After we reset he can go to be judged just like any other mortal.”
“Good plan,” Naruto agreed. “He can get whatever the gods think he deserves, with no magic get out of jail free card.”
Hinata smiled beatifically. “He’s going to fry forever, isn’t he? That’s perfect, Sakura. I wonder if they’d let me watch?”
Naruto chuckled, and mussed her hair. “Don’t be a psycho, Hinata-chan. I want you to end up with us when it’s our turn to go, not in whatever hell they use for cute sadists.”
“Don’t be silly, Naruto,” she responded. “With Sakura to patch us up we could live for centuries, and I’m sure she’ll have a better angle by then. Will you care for my soul in death if I worship you in life, Sakura-sama?”
I rolled my eyes.
Astoria frowned, apparently taking her seriously. “That’s been against the rules for centuries—” she began.
“One more reason for me not to join you,” I pointed out. “But we can worry about that kind of thing later. Much, much later, after I’ve slept for about a decade. Maybe even after I know what the heck I’m doing with this kami magic.”
“Sure, Sakura-sama,” Naruto joked. “Whatever you say, oh mighty goddess of kunoichi.”
I slugged his shoulder. He laughed, and drew me in for a kiss that lasted an eternity.
“I think we’re done here,” he said when we finally came up for air. “So we’d better get going before Deidara comes back and blows us all up or something. I’m sure not in any shape for another fight, and neither are you two. Sakura, any other loose ends?”
I shook my head. “No, I think we’re done.”
“Don’t forget to reset your password,” Astoria reminded me.
“I did that while you weren’t looking,” I replied. “No offense, but I’m pretty sure you’d know what it was if you’d seen me type it. So, I think this loop is done.”
Naruto nodded. “Yeah. That six-month time skip screwed up too many things back home, and there’s no way we can fix them now. All three of us need to go back to the beginning of the chuunin exam, together, on the same world, so we can fix things.”
For the final time, Naruto’s wish-born power seized our souls and threw us into the past.
31. Completion
For the last time ever, I woke in my old bed on the first day of the chuunin exam.
I was still terribly weak from my ordeal, but for me that just meant I’d have to sweat a little to kick your average jounin’s ass. I swept out of bed with a song in my heart, and had my body tuned up to something bearable before I’d taken two steps. Oh, this was going to be fun!
I could feel from here that Naruto’s adjustment to the wish parameters had worked perfectly. His chakra stood out like a beacon to my senses, telling me that this Konoha was the one he’d looped in for so long. When I met him at the testing center twenty minutes later Hinata was already with them, holding his hand and whispering in his ear.
I greeted them both with hugs and kisses, ignoring Sasuke’s quizzical look and the puzzled frowns of Hinata’s team.
“Ready to blow away the competition?” I asked cheerfully.
“You bet, Sakura-chan!” Naruto boasted. “After we ace this exam, want to go on a date with me?”
“Of course I will, goof,” I replied. “hey, Ino!”
My old friend turned at my call. “Sakura? What is it?”
“I’m tired of beating my head against a wall chasing Sasuke,” I informed her. “He’s all yours if you can catch him.”
Sasuke’s pained look was lost on the squealing fangirl, but the various jounin-sensei observing us all in secret got a chuckle out of it.
The written exam was trivial, of course. Hinata and I filled out the answers out of long habit, while Naruto just took a nap. Not for the first time I wondered what Ibiki was thinking, when he made up an exam you don’t have to do anything at all to pass.
“What are we going to tell people?” I asked Naruto curiously as we made our way out of the testing center. “You know how hard it is to convince anyone of the truth.”
“Who says we have to explain anything?” He replied. “We’ll just do what we need to do, and let them draw their own conclusions. As long as we don’t get too carried away they’ll think of something they can believe.”
I chuckled. “Oh, I like that. Sounds like a plan.”
Sasuke frowned. “What exactly are you two talking about?”
I casually touched the side of his head with one finger, and gave him the memories I’d copied from him the last time he’d found out about the loops.
He stopped dead in his tracks. “Oh.”
“This is our last loop,” Naruto said. “So make sure you don’t turn into an evil asshat this time around, or I’ll let Sakura’s demon have you.”
“I’ll keep that in mind,” Sasuke replied wryly.
Hinata met us on the steps outside, and the three of us retired to a more secluded location to coordinate our plans. Of course, the first thing Naruto did was put us both on chakra feeds so we could start refilling our depleted reserves. After that we had a nice, long talk comparing the various patterns we’d found over the years and picking a good combination.
This was going to be our last time through the exam, so we were all determined to make the most of it. For Hinata the events of the next five weeks were the key to winning her independence without having to kill half her clan in the process. For Naruto, it was our last chance to actually get him promoted and put him on the path to becoming Hokage in a few years when Sarutobi finally retired. Oddly enough my own goals were the least ambitions, since I just wanted to pass the damned test and get it over with.
But then, I had bigger concerns on my mind.
My overself’s domain was a considerably different place on my second visit. There was a pleasant little meadow surrounded by a blurry suggestion of woods, and a cozy little house next to a burbling brook. As I approached the front door opened.
“Back already?” My overself said with a smile. “Come on in. Nice job with Sasuke, by the way.”
“Thanks. I see the chakra feed is doing you some good, too.”
“It’s a start. Now if I can just convince the celestial powers to stop trying to recruit me I’ll be all set. You did a smart thing staying out of that with the Bright Kami. I know they mean well, but just the rules they’ve let me see so far run to thousands of pages. We’d never get anything done if we had to worry about all that crap.”