“Damn! Naruto must have, what, a hundred times more chakra than a jounin? Good god, I didn’t even know that was possible. If he had a good area-effect jutsu he’d be unstoppable. Wait, why doesn’t he have something like that?”
The answer was obvious once I thought about it. Kakashi had never taught him any jutsu either, and he certainly didn’t have a clan to train him.
“Damn it, what does Kakashi think he’s doing? Is he trying to get us killed?”
But my bedroom ceiling had no answers for me, and mother was calling me down to breakfast.
“Hey Naruto, would you show me how that perverted jutsu of yours works?” Maybe I was developing a bit of respect for the little clown. After my failure with the Shadow Clone, I wanted to know what other surprises he had in his arsenal.
“Umm, why would you want me to do that?” He answered nervously. “You’re already a girl.”
“Idiot.” I rolled my eyes. “Of course that’s not what I want it for. I was just thinking about it, and I realized that it was a lot more convincing than a regular Henge. I’m working on getting better at illusions, so I wanted to see how you do it.”
He hung his head an muttered something indecipherable.
“I can’t hear you, Naruto. Spit it out already.”
“It’s not an illusion.” He said, looking at his feet. “When I change, I’m really a girl.”
“What? But that’s…well, I guess not impossible, but at least A-rank, and the chakra requirements would be…oh. Yeah, that’s nothing compared to your Shadow Clone armies. Damn, I had no idea.”
Then a rather perverted thought struck me. “Wait, if it’s a real transformation, that means you could…” I blushed, unable to finish the sentence. I could just see the little pervert drawing the shades and calling up a couple of girl-clones for a little fun.
Hey, wouldn’t they be virgins? I’m pretty sure you can’t pop a virgin clone without dispelling her. Maybe he uses guy clones and goes girl himself…
Fortunately Naruto’s cringing protestations of innocence distracted me from my inner pervert’s speculations before they went any further. “No! It’s not like that! It really was supposed to be just a distraction technique, but my girl-self is crazy. That’s why I never use it for more than a few seconds.”
Ok, this sounded interesting. “Fine. Teach me the technique, and I won’t beat you for being perverted enough to invent something like that.”
“But I don’t know what it would do to a girl!” He whined.
Sexy Technique was at least as complex as Shadow Clone, which made me wonder how Naruto had stumbled on it. It also took a lot more chakra than a normal Henge. I could only hold it for a minute or so before I ran low.
But oh, what a glorious minute! I’ve joked to myself about ‘Inner Sakura’ before, and those shrinks at the hospital had made me worry that my internal monologue might be a little too close to a dialog for my health. But when I did Naruto’s Sexy Technique, I became ‘Inner Sakura’. A sleek, sexy kunoichi ass-kicking machine, utterly fearless and achingly gorgeous. I felt like I could do anything.
To be honest I was a little scared of what I might do in that state, but I still wanted more. The sheer freedom was too much to pass up. Besides, ‘Sexy’ Sakura was closer to 16 than 13, and she had boobs! Not to mention incredible hair, legs to die for, and enough slinky curves to give half the men in the village heart attacks.
Must have more!
“Sakura, why are you walking on the ceiling?”
I looked down at my teammates from the ceiling of the testing center, conscious of the odd looks I was drawing.
“Building up my chakra. I’m sick of not having enough to do any kind of real technique.”
Somehow I’d figure out how to control myself, or modify the technique to minimize the mental effect. The ability to turn into the kunoichi I dreamed of being on demand wasn’t something I was going to pass up.
Meanwhile, I was slowly solving the Forest of Death. It wasn’t easy, but dying a painful death every few days was a hell of a motivator. So I learned which teams we could fight, and which ones to avoid. I learned how to spot traps and imposters. Through painful trial and error I figured out that Naruto was the only one who could get Sasuke to go all-out against the snake ninja, and what to say and do to ensure he did the job.
One loop I was close enough to hear our attacker introduce himself to Sasuke as Orochimaru, a name that was easy enough to find in the library. My blood ran cold as I realized we were up against the most dangerous of the Sanin, an S-rank ninja who was considered a credible threat to an entire hidden village.
But he wasn’t here to kill us. I didn’t know what that seal he always put on Sasuke was for, but I’d have plenty of time to find out later. Once I figured out the pattern we could usually get past him, and there was a spot nearby where the Sound ninja who always came after us the next day would usually be driven off by other teams from Konoha. After that the only serious threat was that genjutsu trap, which I now had the means to break. By my thirtieth reset we usually made it through with a few hours to spare, which gave us a chance to rest up a little before the pre-finals.
The first few times I drew bad opponents and got my butt kicked, but once we started making it through consistently it didn’t take long for me to get Ino as my opponent again. This time I skipped the grandstanding speeches and concentrated on winning.
The first time I’d fought Ino in the forest arena we were evenly matched, but this time I knew all her tricks and had a couple of months more practice on my side. It was still a close fight, but I won. I was walking on air as I returned to the spectator’s balcony to watch Naruto eke out a victory against Kiba with a lucky fart. God, only Naruto.
I had a bad moment when I woke up in my own bed the next day, but then I checked my clock and cheered. It was June 9th! My plan was working!
Now I had a month to train for the finals, if only Kakashi would bother to make the effort. I spent half the morning trying to figure out how to prod him into giving me some real training, but I needn’t have bothered. When Kakashi finally turned up, only two hours late for our team meeting, he had another older ninja with him.
“I’m very proud of all of you for making it to the finals. Congratulations. The last time this happened in Konoha was when the Sanin took the exam.”
“That’s great, Kakashi-sensei!” Naruto enthused. “So what kind of training are we going to do for the finals? Are you going to teach us some cool jutsu? Huh? Huh?”
“I’m afraid I won’t be training you this time, Naruto. Sasuke is up against a very serious opponent in Gaara, and his training is going to require my full attention. But Ebisu here is one of Konoha’s most elite instructors, and he’s agreed to train you and Sakura.”
Apparently Naruto knew Ebisu from somewhere, and wasn’t impressed. He bitched and moaned and whined until I just couldn’t take it anymore.
“Naruto!” I shouted while smacking him upside the head. “Shut up! You know Kakashi never teaches us anything, what made you think that would change now? Besides, I’d think you’d be happy about training with me.”
That shut him up. Not that I actually liked him, you understand, but it’s hard to keep thinking of a guy as an annoying pest after he dies for you five or six times. Besides, he’d never call me a useless weakling.
Then I noticed the sudden silence, and realized what I’d just said. Kakashi didn’t look happy.