She had always been fond of my mother, and now I had become almost a war heroine in her eyes, so I was on especially good terms with her.
I began by asking her for the key to my father’s study as there were some papers he wanted me to look out for him.
“Oh, that key,” she said. “It worries me a bit. Your father says I am never to let it out of my sight.”
“And you don’t, do you? It is just because he doesn’t want his papers moved about, you know.”
“I never touch papers. Besides, I thought they were all locked away.”
“Oh, yes, they are, I believe. But let me have the key.”
“I’ll get it for you.”
“Where do you keep it?”
“In the dresser drawer…right at the back of the cloths and things. It’s well hidden away there.”
She went to the drawer and produced the key, which I took from her.
“Mrs. Cherry, shall I keep the key?”
“Well, there’s times when I have to go in to clean.”
“You could ask me for it then, and I’d come and help you with the room.”
“You, Miss Lucinda!”
“I used to do all sorts of things at Marchlands. The hospital, you know. There’s not much for me to do here. I’d enjoy it. We could have a little chat while we worked.”
“Well, miss, I don’t right know what to say. Your father did tell me…”
“I’ll explain everything to him. I’ll keep the key and when you want it…just let me know.”
“Well, if that’s all right with you…”
“I think it will be. Let’s try it, shall we? I don’t like having too little to do.”
I put the key in my pocket. I thought, I shall always keep it with me. I went to my room telling myself I had managed that rather cleverly.
Alone in my room, I took out the key and looked at it. Things could fall out of pockets. I found a strong gold chain and hung it around my neck, tucking it down the bodice of my dress. There it would be safe.
When I told my father what I had done, he was clearly pleased.
“I shall feel much happier now,” he said. “And if anything else happens, we shall have to consider whether someone has a key to the room besides ourselves.”
“How could anyone come by that?”
“If they had stolen it from Mrs. Cherry, they might have had another made.”
“Wouldn’t they have to keep it some time to do that?”
“Not very long, I suppose.”
“She would have missed it. She was certainly worried about having it and was glad to pass it over to me. I shall see that no one goes into that room without my knowing.”
“It’s a comfort to have you here, Lucinda.”
I was susceptible to every sound in the house. I was sleeping lightly. Often a creaking floorboard would awaken me. I would imagine I heard someone creeping down the stairs…the sound of a key in a lock. Then I would feel for the key which I kept around my neck, even in bed. I realized that I was oversensitive. But there was a night when I thought I heard noises. I put on my dressing gown and went down to the study. I turned the door handle. The door was locked. I stood there listening.
Then someone called. “Oh…it’s you, Lucinda.”
I looked up. Andrée was leaning over the banisters.
“Is everything all right?” she asked.
“Yes. I thought I heard someone down here.”
“False alarm?” said Andrée.
“I’m sorry I disturbed you.”
“I’m a light sleeper…particularly since I’ve been looking after Edward. The least sound and I’m awake….”
“I must be the same. It’s chilly here. We mustn’t get chilled. Good night.”
I went into my room and shut the door. How foolish I was! Yet, on the other hand, if someone had been there, I should have caught him…or her. I had to be on the alert.
Spring would soon be with us. There was a certain hope in the air. We were forcing the enemy back with some success. The battle for the Somme had started and the fighting was fierce. Robert was constantly in my thoughts and I was tortured by speculations of what was happening out there. There was not much news, but the German successes which had occurred in the beginning were definitely halted. People were saying that we were winning the war of the U-boats and it would not be long before we were triumphant on land.
Frequently I saw Annabelinda. I had been to look at two houses with her. I told her I did not know why she wanted my opinion, because she never took any notice of it. She retorted that she knew exactly what she was looking for. It had to be something more splendid and grand than anything anyone else could have. I told her she would never find perfection, but she believed she would. However, I did find looking at houses a fascinating experience. I liked to explore the rooms, imagining all the people who had lived in them, while she was calculating how impressive those rooms could be made to look.
One day at the beginning of April she came to the house and I could see that she was not her usual exuberant self.
At last we were alone in my room and she burst out, “Lucinda, I’m worried.”
“I thought something was wrong.”
“Is it so obvious?”
“To me…yes. But then I know you so well.”
“I’ve had a note,” she said.
“A note? From whom?”
“From Carl.”
“You mean, Carl?…Carl Zimmerman?”
She nodded.
“And it has upset you, of course.”
“He wants to see me.”
“You won’t see him, will you?”
“It’s difficult.”
“Why? And what is he doing in England?”
“He was attached to the Swiss Embassy.”
“But I thought he’d gone from there and that was why he was able to work as a gardener at La Pinière.”
“He must have sorted that out. Anyway, he’s in England.”
“How did he get here?”
“I expect he is back in the embassy.”
“What does he want?”
“To see me.”
“Does he know…about Edward?”
“How could he?”
“He is his father. Perhaps it is about Edward that he wants to see you.”
I felt alarmed. What if he wanted to take Edward away?
“He wants to see me,” she said. “I don’t know what to do.”
“Why don’t you tell Marcus?”
“Tell Marcus!”
“Why don’t you tell him everything?”
“How could I?”
“Just tell him…that’s all.”
“How ridiculous! Of course I couldn’t tell him.”
“Then what are you going to do?”
“I don’t want to see Carl. I don’t want ever to see him again.”
“Well, don’t answer the note.”
“But he knows the address. Though how he got it, I can’t imagine. He’ll write again.”
“Then write and tell him you can’t see him.”
“Well…”
“Well what?”
“That note he wrote…it doesn’t sound as though he will take no for an answer.”
“As long as he doesn’t know he has a son…”
“You would bring that up!”
“It’s rather a salient point, isn’t it? It’s the only thing you need worry about. If he doesn’t know about Edward, all you have to say is, I don’t want to see you again. I’m a happily married woman, no longer a romantic schoolgirl. Good-bye.’ ”
“You make it sound so simple.”
“Other people’s problems always seem simpler than one’s own. But it does seem a clear case to me. All you have to do is tell him you don’t want to see him.”