“Then you will leave your daughter in my care?”
“I shall be happy to do that,” replied my father.
Thus I found myself seated opposite Marcus in a smart restaurant overlooking the river.
The place was full of people clearly bent on rejoicing. There was laughter and chatter and people calling to each other from the tables. The orchestra was playing patriotic tunes.
When we appeared a waiter rushed forward and shook Marcus’s hand. Several people clapped. All men in uniform were greeted rapturously, and Marcus, of high rank and looking extremely handsome in his uniform, stood out among them.
I noticed envious glances directed toward me. Marcus smiled and, with that nonchalance which was essentially his own, lifted his hand in greeting and acknowledgement of the acclaim.
When we had ordered dinner, Marcus smiled at me and said, “This is a happy occasion. Thank God the war is over. How long it seems since I came to La Pinière and we first met. From the first moment I saw you—a schoolgirl, so fresh and innocent—I loved you.”
“It is four years ago. It seems much longer.”
“So much has happened. For some time I have been wanting to talk to you and have wondered whether I could…whether it was too soon. This dreadful thing has happened. Poor Annabelinda! What a terrible fate to be caught up in as she was.”
“You know? They have told you?” I paused, embarrassed. I was afraid that I might have said too much. I knew that Annabelinda’s murder was to be a well-guarded secret. Would that mean excluding her husband?
“For two reasons they would tell me,” he explained. “I was involved in the case. I was on the hunt with your father for those saboteurs. The other reason is that I was her husband.”
“Then you must know…everything?”
He looked at me very solemnly and said, “I had to know, Lucinda.”
“It must have been a great shock.”
“Remember the police first suspected me, until I could prove conclusively that I had been nowhere near the house. It was one shock after another. First her death and the suspicion against me…and then to learn the truth. I was a fool, Lucinda. I might have known, I might have guessed. But it all fitted so neatly. After all, you were the one who would not give up the child. You were the one who was most concerned for his welfare.”
He was looking at me with an expression I had never seen on his face before. It was contrition, humility…and most unusual, he gave the impression that he did not know how to express what was on his mind.
“I was deeply upset,” he went on. “I could not believe it. And yet it seemed so plausible.”
“What do you mean, Marcus?”
“I am talking about the child. What…Annabelinda told me.”
I was puzzled.
“You haven’t realized, Lucinda, you were the one. It was you whom I loved. And when she told me…I could not believe it…and then it seemed obvious. If it had just been myself…well, I was shocked, but I would have got over that. I loved you. You were different from any girl I had met. I knew that we would have been good together…but for that. They could have found out…my parents, I mean. They would have cut me off. I know how their minds work. They would have considered you a loose woman. You have no idea how rigorous their ideals are! They had been harassing me for a long time. I should have married. The all-important duty was to produce more Merrivales for the family. I know it is hard to understand, but they are quite feudal…medieval in their ideas. We have been brought up to believe that the family comes first.”
“Marcus, why are you telling me all this now?”
“Because I want us to wipe out the past I want us to start afresh from now on…from this first night of peace. I want us to start and build up from there.”
“Oh, no, Marcus.”
“Listen to me. I have been foolish. I should have known. It was the scandal I was afraid of…if it became known. We should live in fear of it. Scandals have a habit of coming to light at awkward moments…I just could not face it. And all the time…the child was hers. She is dead now. Poor Annabelinda! She knew that it was you I cared for…and she cared so much for me that she lied to me…she could slander her best friend. But it is over now. We have to forget. We have to go on from here.”
“What are you saying, Marcus?”
“Annabelinda knew I was about to ask you to marry me and…she told me that when you were at school you had a love affair, that the result was Edward. She said you had had the child put out with foster-parents, and when they had been killed your conscience smote you so deeply that you had the idea of bringing the child home to your parents. It was a way of keeping him with you.”
“Annabelinda told you that!”
“I know now that the child was hers. It all came out when she was killed…when the German spies tried to snare her into working for them. I see it all clearly now, Lucinda. But we’ve got to forget poor Annabelinda. What a terrible price she paid! We have to build up from there. We’ll let a reasonable time elapse and then…”
“I think I ought to tell you this, Marcus. I am engaged to marry Robert Denver.”
“Oh, but you decided to marry him because I was married to Annabelinda. He’ll understand.”
“It is you who have to understand, Marcus.”
“I do understand how you feel. I should never have done what I did. I should have realized…”
“You realized that it would never have done for you to marry a girl who had committed a social misdemeanor…if that is what your family calls it. And having committed the further error of acquiring a child in the process, she had put herself quite beyond acceptance. You acted in accordance with the rules. You did the only thing possible for you. It was unfortunate that in trying to avoid the inconvenience, you stepped right into it.”
“You are understandably bitter.”
“No, I do not think I am. I think it has all worked out for the best.”
“I love you, Lucinda. I want to start afresh.”
“Life rarely gives us that opportunity. Who would not like to start again when things have gone wrong? And you did not love me deeply, Marcus. It was probably as well. It suits you to be as you are. You will marry. Your family will wish you to remember your duty. You will find a charming wife who will be all that they desire; you will have model children who will be a credit to you and your family. But love? You have never loved deeply, Marcus, and it is better that you should not. You were fond of me. I was quite suitable and you would have asked me to marry you. But that misdemeanor—as you thought—stood in the way. If you had truly loved me, you would not have allowed it to. You were fond of Janet, but there was no question of marriage there. You are fond of the children you had together, but you cannot acknowledge them openly. You see what I mean? You will have a happy life, I am sure of that. People like you. See how they cheered you tonight.”
“That was the uniform. All over London, soldiers are the heroes tonight. Tomorrow they will be forgotten.”
“And you looked so gallant. There were special cheers for you. You deserve them. You have fought for your country. But for men like you, there would not be the rejoicing there is tonight. You deserve it, as I say. You deserve a good life. But you don’t deserve the kind of love I want in my life…simply because you could never give it.”
“Try me, Lucinda.”
“I have told you, I am already engaged to be married.”
“It is not too late.”
“It is not a matter of lateness. It is a matter of what is real to me…of understanding—rather belatedly—what I want in my life and with whom I want to share it.”