`We could compare notes of our symptoms. You wouldn't like being sick, though.'
A silence fell. After a moment Helena rolled over so she could look at me. She held my face between her hands; inspecting the half-healed physical scars from my recent ordeal at the brothel. Though she said nothing, her expression was concerned. She understood that beneath the facade of merriment my real mood was dark. Always the first to sense depression in me, she also knew what was wrong: we had cleansed Rome of plenty of dross, but the task remained unfinished. We had swept up shoals of criminal life, and purged corruption in at least one cohort of the vigiles; I myself had even received a hefty fee for doing it. I ought to have been feeling pleased with myself.
How could I, though? Balbinus had escaped. He was dangerous. He was still out there plotting. Given time, he would revive his empire. He would go for Petronius, and maybe for me. Nothing would have changed.
The death of Lalage had had a disturbing effect on me too.
When Helena had read my thought to her own satisfaction, she kissed me gently, then settled down again. We lay close, both awake. The familiar sound of her quiet breathing calmed me. Her contentment became infectious. Her steady enjoyment of my presence worked its magic, filling me with amazement that she had chosen to be mine.
`I'm sorry, my love. I have not been with you enough lately.' `You're here now.'
'Tomorrow I'm going to start painting the new apartment.' `We need to clean it first.'
`Trust me. It's to be done tonight. I've struck a bargain with some of the vigiles.'
.'But it's the wedding! Had you forgotten?'
`Sole reason for choosing today! I can see two advantages, Helena my darling. If I hate the wedding,' which seemed highly likely, `I can run off to assist the floor-washers. Or if the wedding seems too good to miss, I can stay with the celebrations and avoid getting my feet wet.'
`You're incorrigible,' said Helena, with a warm mixture of admiration and mockery.
We lay still again. Up here near the sky I could feel quite cut off from the noise and press in the streets. I would miss that. `Are we giving Lenia a wedding present?'
`A nice set of snail picks,' said Helena. For some reason I found that hilarious.
`I hope you didn't buy them from Pa?'
`No, from that second-hand gift shop down the street. It's got a lot of well-made horrors in terrible taste – just right to embarrass a bride.'
I refrained from mentioning that I had nearly bought her own birthday present there.
A few minutes later our soothing interlude was disturbed by visitors. I went out from the bedroom first, Helena following more slowly. Junia and Gaius Baebius glared at us as if they assumed we had been indulging in dalliance. There was no point protesting that we had merely been talking. `What do you two want?' I saw no reason to pretend to be delighted that my sister had deigned to climb the stairs.
`Gaius has brought you his priestly veil.'
`Oh yes, thanks, Gaius.'
Without being invited, Junia and Gaius plonked themselves on the best seats. Helena and I found space on a bench, deliberately snuggling up like lovers to embarrass them.
`I hear you're pregnant!' Junia announced with her customary verve.
`That is correct.'
`Was it an accident?'
`A happy one,'. Helena said stiffly.
I glanced at her. She refused to meet my eye. Helena Justina had accepted the situation but was not allowing anyone to gloat. I turned back to my sister with a shameless grin.
`What about the other little one?' asked Junia. She coloured slightly. `You can't be wanting him as well?'
I felt Helena's hand grip mine abruptly. Gaius Baebius rose and walked to the basket where the skip baby lay dribbling. He lifted out the child. I noticed that Gaius held the baby with the care of a man who was unused to children, yet his grip was firm and although he was a stranger the babe accepted him. He walked back to Junia, who was not quite ready to approach us with whatever she had come to say.
`You two ought to be getting married now,' she instructed us instead.
`What for?' I asked. My intention to marry Helena had immediately sprouted rose-pink wings and flown off the balcony.
`Oh it's a decent institution,' Helena protested teasingly. `A husband must maintain his wife.'
I handed her an apple from the fruit bowl. `A husband is permitted to chastise his wife if she shows him too little reverence.'
Helena biffed me on the chin. `Each party has the right to the society of the other,' she chortled. `I haven't seen much of that lately!'
Junia's face was set. Her voice was tense. `Gaius and I have been talking about this baby, Marcus.' She had a knack of sounding as if she was informing me she knew I had been pinching pastries behind our mother's back. Gaius continued to stare at the deaf babe (who dribbled back at him thoughtfully). Becoming more confident, Gaius wiped dry the dribble. My sister carried on talking: `He needs a home. In view of his difficulty, he needs a rather special one. Obviously he cannot remain with you and Helena. Of course you are kind-hearted, but your home life is chaotic and when your own child is born there will be too much competition for your love. He needs people who can look after him more devotedly.'
She was monstrous. She was arrogant and rude – but she was right.
`Gaius and I are prepared to adopt him.'
This time Helena and I could not look at each other. We had had him for two weeks now. We did not want to let him go.
`What about Ajax?' I quavered weakly.
`Oh don't be ridiculous, brother! Ajax is just a dog.' Poor old Ajax. Yesterday this would have been blasphemy. `Besides, Ajax loves children.'
`For lunch,' I muttered, while Helena pretended not to hear.
Junia and Gaius were assuming that once their sensible suggestion had been voiced we must have gratefully agreed to it. Of course we had. The child would be given every possible advantage. Apart from the comfortable home that my brother-in-law's customs salary ensured, whatever I thought of my sister I knew that she and Gaius would dote on the babe. Both would make every effort to help him communicate.
`Is his parentage known?' Gaius found his voice now.
I opened my mouth to supply the glorious details. `No,' said Helena at once. `We tried, but it has been impossible to find out.' I took her hand. She was right. She and I could always break the news if necessary. Otherwise, better for him and everyone if there was no chance of recrimination, no danger of false hope.
`I expect you've grown very fond of him,' said Junia in a kindly tone. This strange softening upset me more than anything. `You'll be very welcome to see him again, any time you like.'
Helena managed to disguise the hysterical giggle in her voice. `Thank you very much. Have you decided on a name for him?'
`Oh yes.' For some reason Junia had gone red again. `It seems only right in view of who found him – we're going to call him Marcus.'
`Marcus Baebius Junillus,' confirmed my brother-in-law, gazing proudly at his new son.
LXVI
IN CASE THE sight of me veiled as a priest failed to cause a sufficient sensation, I had decided to attend Lenia's wedding in my Palmyrene suit. Frankly, there were not many other occasions in Rome where a decent man could appear in purple and gold silk trousers, a tunic embroidered all over with ribbons and florets, cloth slippers appliqued with tulips, and a flat-topped braided hat. To complete the picture, Helena had even found me a filigree scabbard containing a ceremonial sword, a curiosity we had bought from a travelling caravan in Arabia.