"No, I will not hear this!"
"Yes, you will." Amelia was fully aware of the consequences of her decision. Ensuring Jane's survival meant that Hugh would never be born. She knew that, and just as surely as she loved him, she knew what she had to do. John's words echoed in her mind.
He left the entire estate and all its holdings to several distant cousins. That's where my side of the family comes in…
That side of the family had been close to starvation when they'd inherited Lindsey House. Now, if she succeeded, they wouldn't. Hugh's branch of the family wouldn't survive. She'd never see him again, whether she managed to make it back to her own time or not.
Amelia hesitated for one agonizing moment, but once she started, her voice never faltered.
'' 'My dearest Poppet-' ''
That stopped Jane cold.
"How do you know-"
'' 'My dearest Poppet, I find that I cannot go on without you.' " The words rushed out of her mouth, words she'd committed to memory over countless readings of that particular letter. Words she had wondered at, wondered how any one mortal could feel so deeply, could be willing to sacrifice their life because of another.
Now she knew.
"Stop it! I won't tolerate this!"
" '-I'm tired and I want to come home. To you. I'd thought I would come home to you each evening-' '' The pain in her chest was tremendous. This had to be what a heart felt like when it was breaking.
"Don't! You have no right!" But life was back in those green eyes, that vivid presence that had struck Amelia at the inn, by the fire. Jane was angry. Jane was back.
They were screaming at each other like fishwives, and Amelia almost laughed out loud. Whoever couldn't hear them had to be deaf-and Jonathan Lindsey was many things, but hard of hearing wasn't one of them.
" 'You are everywhere, my darling, yet nowhere-' "
"Damn you!"
Oh, Hugh, forgive me. I love you.
" 'God will forgive me for what I am about to do-' "
"No!"
" 'It is said that He never sends us more than we can bear, but I find that I have reached my limit.' " She took a deep, steadying breath. "I see him writing the words, Jane! You cannot cause him such pain!"
"Emma, stop this!"
She could. So easily. If she stopped right now, before Jonathan reached them, if she let Jane sink into the despair that made such an act possible, she might see Hugh again, and John, and her old life-
Impossible. Amelia knew she could never live with herself if she made such a decision.
We're constantly creating and molding the future all the time.
She saw Hugh in her mind's eye. That first meeting, in the garden over breakfast. Somehow, in the strangest way, Hugh had known the truth all along.
"Oh, Jane!" Something of the despair in her heart colored her tone. Their gazes locked, and Amelia knew this was her last chance to get through to her.
"Jane, to love someone like that! I used to think it was beyond me, until I let it go! I doubted it could exist and I lost it! Don't you understand-you have a chance to have something most people never get to experience! Please don't make the mistake I did!"
Jane faltered, and Amelia knew she almost had her.
"I can't. He-he won't want me when-"
"Damn you-you're so much more than your virginity! You're more than the physical body I see before me! And if you cannot believe that, then why were you praying?"
She had her. Almost.
"He loves you, Jane. Really, really loves you. And if you're selfish enough to take your life because of the shame in a foolish mistake, then I-'' A sharp pain squeezed her heart, and she grabbed her right arm. It felt decidedly odd.
She struggled on.
"If you're selfish enough to lose what most people only dream about-damn it, I want you to stop thinking about yourself and think about him!"
"How do you know all this? It's not just that vision, is it?"
Right the first time out, Jane. Smart girl, got it in one.
"No. I'm… not from here." The pain in her chest was excruciating. Like being in the grip of a giant, grinding jaw. She was starting to sweat; she felt the sick dampness along her temple.
"Where?" The green eyes were lit with a feverish glow. "Where are you from?"
Her eyes rolled up, her head lolled back as the pain claimed her. Crushed her. Pain like she'd never felt before. She steeled herself against it. From a great distance away, she heard booted feet on the tower stairs.
Help. Jonathan. Help me.
"From… a long way… far away…" Her vision started to cloud over. Dear God, her heart wasn't breaking, it was failing. She was suffering a heart attack.
"Emma!" And Jane, impetuous as ever, forgot the rope and stepped down to help her.
It seemed to happen in slow motion. Amelia fought for one last surge of strength. It propelled her beneath Jane's slight body, just long enough to prevent the rope from snapping her slender neck. Her short, stubby arms grasped the slender, flailing legs, and as Jane felt her support, her struggles ceased.
"Emma, no, put me down! The noose is off, it's off I tell you! Please, please put me down, I don't want you to-''
She didn't hear the rest of the words. Her vision dimmed, then faded to black.
Hugh. Oh, Hugh. I love…
The last sound she heard was that of a woman crying.
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
– James M. Barrie
She woke slowly, to the sound of birds chattering and singing. To the softness of the English country air. The light was diffused as it entered the tower room, and for a moment as Amelia blinked and tried to orient herself, she didn't quite know where she was.
Or who.
Hands. Her hands. Slender and pale, not a freckle in sight. She pulled at her hair as she sat up, and saw strands of the lightest blonde, not Emma's brown-
Everything stilled within her.
"What an extraordinary dream," she whispered, then touched the floor of the tower room. Carpeted. Just like before. John had been so very proud when he'd described how he'd brought the little room back from its rather dilapidated state. It was his sanctuary, his hideaway, his place of peace where he came to be renewed.
Such a powerful dream… almost real…
She sat very still in the comfortable learner chair, so happy to be back. Now, through what she'd experienced during that one wild night of her imagination, she realized she'd lost all her fears concerning her upcoming marriage. She would marry Hugh; they would have children; they would contribute to the Lindsey line and make their lives matter. She would teach their children to live each day to the fullest, to love one another, and to never, ever take anything-or anyone-for granted.
She glanced out the window. Still early in the morning. Still time. She closed her eyes and a powerful peace washed through her.
Thank you. For letting me see so much through that dream. For giving me that realization, that awakening. Thank you for letting me see how much I have, how blessed I am, and how Hugh was right. We do constantly create our own futures, through our thoughts and actions…
She finished the short prayer, then thought of her father and how much she would miss him on this day. She'd asked John if he would walk her down the aisle, and the older man had been delighted. But, still, secretly, she would miss her father's presence on this day.