" 'You are everywhere, my darling, yet nowhere-' "
"Damn you!"
Oh, Hugh, forgive me. I love you.
" 'God will forgive me for what I am about to do-' "
"No!"
" 'It is said that He never sends us more than we can bear, but I find that I have reached my limit.' " She took a deep, steadying breath. "I see him writing the words, Jane! You cannot cause him such pain!"
"Emma, stop this!"
She could. So easily. If she stopped right now, before Jonathan reached them, if she let Jane sink into the despair that made such an act possible, she might see Hugh again, and John, and her old life-
Impossible. Amelia knew she could never live with herself if she made such a decision.
We're constantly creating and molding the future all the time.
She saw Hugh in her mind's eye. That first meeting, in the garden over breakfast. Somehow, in the strangest way, Hugh had known the truth all along.
"Oh, Jane!" Something of the despair in her heart colored her tone. Their gazes locked, and Amelia knew this was her last chance to get through to her.
"Jane, to love someone like that! I used to think it was beyond me, until I let it go! I doubted it could exist and I lost it! Don't you understand-you have a chance to have something most people never get to experience! Please don't make the mistake I did!"
Jane faltered, and Amelia knew she almost had her.
"I can't. He-he won't want me when-"
"Damn you-you're so much more than your virginity! You're more than the physical body I see before me! And if you cannot believe that, then why were you praying?"
She had her. Almost.
"He loves you, Jane. Really, really loves you. And if you're selfish enough to take your life because of the shame in a foolish mistake, then I-'' A sharp pain squeezed her heart, and she grabbed her right arm. It felt decidedly odd.
She struggled on.
"If you're selfish enough to lose what most people only dream about-damn it, I want you to stop thinking about yourself and think about him!"
"How do you know all this? It's not just that vision, is it?"
Right the first time out, Jane. Smart girl, got it in one.
"No. I'm… not from here." The pain in her chest was excruciating. Like being in the grip of a giant, grinding jaw. She was starting to sweat; she felt the sick dampness along her temple.
"Where?" The green eyes were lit with a feverish glow. "Where are you from?"
Her eyes rolled up, her head lolled back as the pain claimed her. Crushed her. Pain like she'd never felt before. She steeled herself against it. From a great distance away, she heard booted feet on the tower stairs.
Help. Jonathan. Help me.
"From… a long way… far away…" Her vision started to cloud over. Dear God, her heart wasn't breaking, it was failing. She was suffering a heart attack.
"Emma!" And Jane, impetuous as ever, forgot the rope and stepped down to help her.
It seemed to happen in slow motion. Amelia fought for one last surge of strength. It propelled her beneath Jane's slight body, just long enough to prevent the rope from snapping her slender neck. Her short, stubby arms grasped the slender, flailing legs, and as Jane felt her support, her struggles ceased.
"Emma, no, put me down! The noose is off, it's off I tell you! Please, please put me down, I don't want you to-''
She didn't hear the rest of the words. Her vision dimmed, then faded to black.
Hugh. Oh, Hugh. I love…
The last sound she heard was that of a woman crying.
Those who bring sunshine to the lives of others cannot keep it from themselves.
– James M. Barrie
She woke slowly, to the sound of birds chattering and singing. To the softness of the English country air. The light was diffused as it entered the tower room, and for a moment as Amelia blinked and tried to orient herself, she didn't quite know where she was.
Or who.
Hands. Her hands. Slender and pale, not a freckle in sight. She pulled at her hair as she sat up, and saw strands of the lightest blonde, not Emma's brown-
Everything stilled within her.
"What an extraordinary dream," she whispered, then touched the floor of the tower room. Carpeted. Just like before. John had been so very proud when he'd described how he'd brought the little room back from its rather dilapidated state. It was his sanctuary, his hideaway, his place of peace where he came to be renewed.
Such a powerful dream… almost real…
She sat very still in the comfortable learner chair, so happy to be back. Now, through what she'd experienced during that one wild night of her imagination, she realized she'd lost all her fears concerning her upcoming marriage. She would marry Hugh; they would have children; they would contribute to the Lindsey line and make their lives matter. She would teach their children to live each day to the fullest, to love one another, and to never, ever take anything-or anyone-for granted.
She glanced out the window. Still early in the morning. Still time. She closed her eyes and a powerful peace washed through her.
Thank you. For letting me see so much through that dream. For giving me that realization, that awakening. Thank you for letting me see how much I have, how blessed I am, and how Hugh was right. We do constantly create our own futures, through our thoughts and actions…
She finished the short prayer, then thought of her father and how much she would miss him on this day. She'd asked John if he would walk her down the aisle, and the older man had been delighted. But, still, secretly, she would miss her father's presence on this day.
A sound at the door made her turn her head.
"Miss?" Annie's voice was cautious as she studied her. ' 'Whatever are you doing, sleeping up here?''
"I had-I had the most extraordinary dream, Annie." She found that she had to tell someone. "Do you believe the soul exists apart from the body?"
"I do."
"Well." She laughed then, still delighted to find herself back in her present life. That dream had been so vivid, for a moment upon waking she'd actually thought she'd traveled through time. "I dreamed-I was with some of the older souls of Lindsey House." Somehow, she knew Annie wouldn't make fun of her.
"Really." A pause. "Lady Jane?"
A prickle of unease worked its way up Amelia's spine. How had the girl been so quick to guess?
"Yes. And Jonathan."
Annie nodded her head. Her face was expressionless, but her eyes, those gray eyes, were decidedly animated. Filled with delight.
Strange.
"Probably because we were talking about the tragedy in the tower last night. I remembered it, came up to the tower room, and was thinking about it before I fell asleep."
Annie remained silent.
Something wasn't quite right, and Amelia didn't know what.
"I'm sure that's it, Annie."
"Of course. Now, you must come with me. We have a lot to do, getting you ready for your wedding day." Annie approached her, held out her hand.
How strange. The young maid had seemed so standoffish the night before, while serving tea. Now it was almost as if she were truly welcoming her into this great house.