"Water," Cirocco fretted. "That could be a big problem." "Well, like you said, the angels live up there." Gaby was helping with the packing on the fifth day of preparations. "They must drink something."
"That doesn't mean waterholes will be easy to find."
"if you're going to be all the time worrying, we might as well not go."
They took waterskins good for about nine or ten days, and then filled out the mass limit with as much dried food as would fit. They planned to cat what the angels ate, if that was possible.
On the sixth day everything was ready, and she still had to face Bill. She was glum about the possibility of having to use her authority to end the argument, but knew she would do so if it came to it.
"You're all crazy," Bill said, hitting his palm on the bed. "You have no idea what you'll find up there. Do you seriously think you can climb up a chimney 400 kilometers high?
"We're going to see if it's possible."
"You're gonna get yourselves killed. You ought to be doing a thousand klicks when you hit."
"I figure terminal velocity in this air couldn't be much over 200. Bill, if you're trying to cheer me up, you're doing a lousy job." She had never seen him like this, and she hated it.
"We should all stick together, and you know it. You're still overcompensating because you lost Ringmaster, trying to act the hero."
If there hadn't been a grain of truth in what he said, it couldn't have hurt so much. She had thought about it for long hours while trying to sleep.
"Air! What if there's no air up there?"
"We're not going to commit suicide. If it's impossible, we'll accept it. You're manufacturing arguments."
His eyes pleaded with her. "I'm asking you, Rocky. Wait for me. I have never asked anything before, but I'm asking for this now."
She sighed, and gestured for Gaby and Gene to leave the room. When they were gone she sat on the edge of his bed and reached for his hand. He moved it away. She stood up quickly, furious at herself for trying to reach him that way, and at him for rejecting her.
"I don't seem to know you, Bill," she said, quietly. "I thought I did. You've been a comfort to me when I was lonely, and I thought I might love you in time. I don't fall in love easily. Maybe I'm too suspicious; I don't know. Sooner or later everybody demands that I he what they want me to be, and now you're doing it."
Hle said nothing, did not even look at her.
"What you're doing is so unfair I could scream."
"I wish you would."
"Why? So I'd fit your picture of what a woman's supposed to do? Damn it, I was a Captain when you met me; I didn't think that was so important to you."
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"I'm talking about the fact that if I leave here now, it's all over between us. Because I won't wait for you to come along to keep me safe."
"'I don't know what you're-"
She did scream then, and it felt good. She could even manage a bitter laugh when it was over. It had startled Bill. Gaby stuck her head in the door, then vanished when Cirocco did not acknowledge her presence.
"Okay, okay," she said. "I'm over-reacting. It's because I lost my ship and have to make up for it by covering myself with glory. I'm frustrated because I haven't been able to put this crew back together and get it functioning, even to the extent of having the one man I thought I could depend on respect my decisions, shut up, and do what he's told. I am one odd critter; I know that. Maybe I'm too aware of things that would be dffierent if I was a man. You get sensitive when you see it happen over and over on your way up, and you have to be twice as good to get the job.
"You disagree with my decision to go up. You have stated your objections. You said you loved me. I don't think you do any more, and I'm very sorry things turned out this way. But I order you to wait here until I return, and say no more t 'o me about it."
His mouth was set in an uncompromising line.
"It's because I love you that I don't want you to go."
"My God, Bill, I don't want that kind of love. "I love you, so hold stil 'while I tie you down.'What hurts is that it's you doing it. if you can't have me as my own woman, able to make my own decisions and take care of myself, you can't have me at all."
"What kind of love is that?"
She felt like crying, but know she didn't care. "I wish I knew. Maybe there's no such thing. Maybe one has to be taken care of by the other, which means I'd better start looking for a man whorl be dependent on me because I won't have it the other way. Can't we just care for each other? I mean, when you're weak I help out, and when I'm weak you support me."
"It looks like you're never weak. You just said you can take care of yourself."
"Any human being should. But if you think I'm not weak, you don't know me. I'm like a little baby right now, wondering if you're going to let me leave here without a kiss, without even wishing me good luck."
Damn it, there went a tear. She wiped at it quickly, not wanting him to accuse her of using tears as a weapon. How do I get in these no-win situations? she wondered. Strong or weak, she would always be on the defensive about it.
He relented enough for a kiss. There seemed little to say when they moved apart. Cirocco could not tell what his reaction was to her dry eyes. She knew he was hurt, but did that hurt him more?
"You come back as soon as you can." "I will. Don't worry too much about me. I'm too mean to kill."
"Don't I know it."
"Two hours, Gaby. Tops."
"I know, I know. Don't talk about it, okay?"
Whistlestop looked even larger than before, sitting on the flat plain to the cast of Titantown. Ordinarily the blimp never came lower than treetop level. It had been necessary for all the fires in town to be extinguished to persuade him to come to ground.
Cirocco looked back at Bill, standing on his crutches beside the pallet the Titanides had used to carry him out. He waved, and she waved back.
"I take it back, Rocky," Gaby said, teeth chattering. "Talk to me. "
"Easy, girl, easy. Open your eyes, will you? Watch where you're going. Oops!"
A dozen animals had queued up inside the blimp's stomach, like subway passengers impatient to get home. They tumbled over each other getting out. Gaby was knocked down.
"Help me Rocky She said it desperately, risking only one quick glance up at Cirocco.
"Sure." She tossed her pack to Calvin, who was already inside with Gene, and lifted the other woman. Gaby was so tiny, and so cold.
"Two hours."
"Two hours," Gaby repeated, dully.
There was a quick pounding of hooves, and Hornpipe appeared at the open sphincter. She grabbed Gaby's arm.
"Here, small one," she sang. "This will help you through your troubles." She pressed a wineskin into Gaby's hand.
"How did you know ... " Cirocco began.
"I saw the fear in her eye and remembered the service she did me. Did I do right?"
"You did maryelously, my child. I thank you for her." She didn't tell Hornpipe about the wineskin in her own pack, brought along for just that purpose.
"I will not kiss you again, since you say you will return. Good fortune to you, and may Gaea spin you back to us."
"Good fortune." The opening closed silently. "What did she say?"
"She wants you to get blasted."
"I already had a drink or ten. But now that you mention it ... "
Cirocco stayed with her as she succumbed to a screaming fit, feeding her wine until she was on the verge of unconsciousness. When she was sure Gaby would be all right, she joined the men at the front of the gondola.
They were already in the air. Water ballast was still spilling from a hole near Whistlestop's nose.