_It went beautifully_, Heidel told her. _A matter of minutes. Things seem to be somehow accelerated_.
_It was because you were personally present. You are becoming a focal point. Soon you will be the still center of a cyclone. One day in the near future, there will be nothing able to stand against you. You will need but point your finger and will it and they will die_.
_Lady-- I know now that you are real and not merely a dream born of fever. I know this because after I have awakened you keep the promises made in this place_ ...
_As do you. Which is why I reward you so_.
_You are not as you were before_ ...
_No. I am stronger_.
_That is not what I meant. Though this, too, is true, what I meant is that something has changed. What has happened? I find that I do not always think too clearly_.
_It is as I told you. You are becoming like unto a god_.
_Yet a part of me, somewhere, seems to be screaming_.
_This, too, will pass. It is but a phase_.
... _And you are not a dream. You are real. Who are you-- really? And where am I, right now?_
_I am the goddess to whom you have sworn allegiance, and we dwell in my private heaven_.
_Where is that?_
_My kingdom is within you_.
_You do not truly answer me, Lady_.
_I give you the only true answers_.
_Where did we meet?_
_We have always known one another_.
_It was Deiba, wasn't it?_
_That was where we made formal contact, yes_.
_I cannot recall the introduction_.
_You were ill. We saved you_.
_"We"?_
_I. I saved you for this time, that we might benefit one another_.
_Why did you wait so long?_
_The time was not propitious--until recently_.
He turned and regarded her. Quickly then, he bowed, as there was nothing but blue ice and blue flame before him.
_What has happened?_ he muttered.
_You have brought more here than is welcome, and less, _Dra_ von Hymack. The minor memories of a minor life have no part in our doings now. Bid them depart. You are no longer he whom you were on Deiba, or even on Cleech. Worship me now. I will sanctify you. I will grant you grace_.
_I worship thee and adore thee_.
_When you awaken, you will walk until you come to a city. There, you will not speak a word. You will but point your finger at the first living thing you see_ ...
... _I will point my finger at the first living thing that I see_.
_You will feel the power open within you like a flower, rise like a serpent_ ...
... _I will feel the power_.
_Then you will go away from that place and seek another_ ...
... _I will seek another_.
_You are beautiful before me and I love you, _Dra_ von Hymack_.
He felt her cold lips touch his eyes, like coins for Charon. After a time, from somewhere, he heard her singing. The moon was blue. Blood dripped from her fingertips onto his palm. The song was a piece of forever.
He had given her a tranquilizer and sent her to her berth. It was either that or shut off the screens which were the apparent cause of her vertigo. He could have done without the screens, but she had been rubbing his nerve ends raw since their departure.
It is not just that she is a lovely girl who idolizes you and is afraid to let you touch her, he thought. It is not her incessant talk of The Cause either, or the fact that she wants you to reminisce aloud. What the hell is it then? Just being cooped up with another human being for two weeks in subspace? No, that is not it. Maybe it is the sudden weight of time. She brings to my attention a matter of years, the contrast between what I was and what I am now. Did I really hate with such fire in the old days that I would have burned the city to kill the rats? When did I start going soft, moving from pure revenge to these half-assed plans for League status? It was such a graduated thing, and with lapses, that I never caught myself until recently. I wanted whips, and now I am not so certain it is the right way. I wonder about Sandow. Could he really have helped the DYNAB? Would he have, if I had asked him? He had sounded reasonable. But all that crap about the Strantrian goddess ... It had to be that, even if Sandow believed it himself. --This girl either brings out the worst in me or shuts me down completely. Not true. I did it myself. Still ... I will try to sleep when she awakens. If Sandow's people ever tie me in with this, there is going to be trouble. They do not care about political boundaries. Well, another bridge, another day. It is going to be rough when I unieash von Hymack. Somebody is certain to try for me after that, once the connection is made. Stupid thing, sending that globe. I should have kept it, not shipped it. Am I diminished thereby? Debit me, one memento mori? Hard to tell. How many of those bastards in the CL High Command have I outlived? They did not pass out S-S the way we did. --Earth, of all places! Bifrost, I should have let it go at that. I should have dropped her on Bifrost. That's DYNAB. --So she gets to see the volcano, learn about tracing the routes of contagion ... But why am I in such a hurry? Is it that I want done with this as quickly as possible? Probably. --God, don't give me a conscience now. I am not ready for one today. I have gone this long. I can go a little longer. --It is pretty, the way her hair falls, and those frightened eyes ...
A blue star appeared at the whirlpool's center, and he watched it spiral outward, then fly like a stone from a sling, away.
"That ruined city of the Pei'ans is nothing but a quaint relic," he said, gesturing, "when you consider an entire planet in that shape."
Jackara stared at what remained of Manhattan.
"I've seen pictures," she said finally, "but ..."
He nodded.
"I'll take you over the Mississippi this afternoon. I will show you where California once was."
He activated the screens, one by one, and the recon satellites flashed pictures of the other broken places.
"They were thorough," he said.
Why the hell is he doing it? thought Morwin, from where he stood, pretending to study a crater. Wherever he found that girl, he is turning her into something like himself. The way she spoke at dinner last night ... Another year and she will be worse than he is. Maybe she is already. Is that what it takes to be a fleet commander? The power to bend other people's thinking until it is just like your own? None of my business, but she seems so young... Maybe it is me that needs bending, though. Maybe they are right. I have been getting fat since the war, while people like this have kept on fighting. What if it is not a lost cause? Supposing that somehow the Commander wins? There probably would not be much surface change. --The stuff of news items. Unreal ... Still ... Have I developed a sheep's mentality? Or played with dreamstuff too long? The girl must only barely remember the conflict, but she is with him. What does he intend for her?
"It is pretty awful," he found himself saying, shifting his eyes from the girl back to the screens. Then, after a time, "Commander, why your sudden interest in epidemics?"
Malacar studied him for half a minute; then, "It is a new hobby of mine," he said.
Morwin packed his pipe and lit it.
... Clearly out of order, he decided. What could they be planning, though? When I did that damned globe for him, it reminded me of things I had put aside years ago. What will become of the girl, I wonder? Will she get thrown to the wolves like all those others, to die praying for him and still believing he is correct? She ought to get out. She has too much life before her to waste it this way. Still, I envy that sort of dedication, whatever its object. How dangerous will his new tactic be, I wonder? Perhaps ... Somebody should watch out for the girl.
He puffed smoke. He stroked his long red beard.
Finally, "I am interested in epidemics too," he said.