He grew ill.
"My God!" he finally gasped. "What are you?"
"You have seen what you have seen, and still you do not know?"
He backed away.
"There is something unnatural here," he said finally. "The blue goddess Sandow said ..."
"How fortunate you are," she told him. "And I also. Your means are vastly superior to those of my previous acolyte, and we have common goals--"
"How did you come to invade the person of Jackara?"
"Your servant Shjnd was linked with her mind when I encountered her. She was preferable to the man I knew. I came over. It is good to have this sex again."
_Shi nd! Shind!_ he called. _Where are you? What has happened?_
"Your servants are unwell," she said. "But there is no need for them any longer. In fact, they must be left behind. Especially the man Morwin. Come! We will return to the ship."
But faintly, very faintly, like a dog scratching at a door, Shind touched his mind.
... _Right ... Sandow--was right... I have seen a mind -- beyond comprehension... Destroy--her_. .
Still shaken, Malacar fumbled at his holster ...
"Pity," she said. "It could have been pleasant. But I can go it alone now--and I fear that I must."
... And knew that he would be too late, for Jackara's gun was already in the hand of the stranger.
Rags of consciousness raised by a black tide, dropped, raised again. Streamers now, farther aloft. Then down. Up ...
Morwin's eyes fell upon the pistol.
Even before he realized who he was, his hand groped for the gun, seized it. The cold congruence of palm and curved metal butt was security, comfort.
Blinking, he saw his way back into existence, followed it, lifted his head.
_Shind? Where are you?_
But Shind did not reply, was not to be seen.
Turning, he regarded the prostrate form of the man, perhaps twenty paces distant. There was blood upon him.
He got to his feet and moved in that direction.
The man was breathing. His head was turned away from Morwin, his right arm flung grotesquely to the side, the hand twitching.
Morwin stood over him a moment, then circled, knelt and stared into his face. The eyes were open but unfocused.
"Can you hear me?" he asked.
The man exhaled sharply, winced. A light came into his eyes and they moved, met with Morwin's own. His face was pocked, creased, sallow, dotted with raw sores.
"I hear you," he said softly.
Morwin shifted his grip on the pistol.
"Are you Heidel von Hymack?" he asked him. "Are you the man called H?"
"I am Heidel von Hymack."
"But are you H?"
The man did not answer immediately. He sighed, then coughed. Morwin glanced at his wounds. He appeared to have been hit in the right shoulder and arm.
"I--I have been sick," he finally said. Then he chuckled, a series of dry croaks. "... Now I feel fine."
"You want some water?"
"Yes!"
Morwin rehoistered his gun, unstoppered his canteen, carefully raised the man's head and trickled water into his mouth. The man drank half the canteen before he gagged and drew away.
"Why didn't you say you were thirsty?"
The other glanced at the gun, smiled faintly, shrugged his good shoulder.
"Thought you might not want to waste it."
Morwin put away the canteen.
"Well? Are you H?" he said.
"What difference does an initial make? I was the plaguebearer."
"You have been aware of this fact all along?"
"Yes."
"Do you hate people that much? Or is it that you just don't give a damn?"
"Neither one," he said. "Go ahead and shoot me if you want."
"Why did you let it happen?"
"It does not matter now. She is gone. It is over. Go ahead."
He sat up, still smiling.
"You act as if you want me to kill you."
"What are you waiting for?"
Morwin chewed his lip.
"You know I'm the man who shot you--" he began.
Heidel von Hymack knit his brows and turned his head slowly, regarding his body.
"I--I did not realize I had been shot," he said. "Yes ... Yes, I can see now. And I feel it ..."
"What did you think happened to you?"
"I lost--something. Something in my mind. It is gone now, and I feel as I have not felt in many years. The shock of separation, the feeling of relief-- I was--distracted."
"How? What was it that occurred?"
"I am not certain. One moment this thing was with me, and then I felt the presence of another as well ... Then-- everything departed ... When I awakened you were here."
"What thing?"
"You would not understand. I don't myself, really."
"Does it involve a blue woman--like, a goddess?"
Heidel von Hymack looked away.
"Yes," he said. Then he clutched at his shoulder.
"I'd better do something about your wounds."
Heidel allowed him to bind his arm and shoulder. He accepted more water.
"Why did you shoot me?" he finally said.
"It was more reflex than anything else. The--thing you lost--scared the hell out of me."
"You actually saw her?"
"Yes. With the help of a telepath."
"Where is he?"
"I don't know. I am afraid she was hurt."
"Hadn't you better find out? You can leave me. I can't go far. Not that it matters now."
"I suppose I should," he said. _Shind! Damn it! Where are you? Do you need help?_
_Stay_, came a weak reply. _Stay there. I will be all right. I need only to rest... awhile_ ...
_Shind! What happened?_
Silence.
_Shind! Damn it! Answer me!_
_Malacar_, came the reply, _is dead. Wait now... Wait_.
Morwin stared at his hands.
"Aren't you going to?" Heidel asked him.
He did not reply.
_Jackara! Shind! Is Jackara all right?_
Nothing.
_Shind! How is Jackara?_
_She lives. Wait now_.
"What is wrong?" Heidel asked.
"I don't know."
"Your friend ... ?"
"... is alive. We have just been in contact. That is not the problem now."
"What, then?"
"I don't know. Not yet. I am waiting."
_I am trying to find out, John. I have to be careful. That goddess-thing is there_.
_Where?_
_With Jackara_.
_How? How did it happen?_
_I believe that I was responsible, that she traveled by means of my link with Jackara. I am not certain how_.
_How did the Commander die?_
_She shot him_.
_Then what of Jackara?_
_That is what I am trying to find out. Leave me alone, and I will let you know when I do_.
_What can I do?_
_Nothing. Wait_.
Silence.
After a time, "Do you know now?" Heidel asked.
"I know nothing. Except that I have lost something too."
"What is happening?"
"My friend is trying to find out. At least we know where your goddess went. --How do you feel?"
"I do not understand my feelings. She was with me a long while. Years. For a time, she healed through me those who had been stricken with peculiar ills. It was as if we carried both these things and their remedies within us. For I was always protected myself. Then in Italbar I was attacked for a slip of fortune, stoned. It was as if I had gone to die in Italbar. Everything was changed. Her nature, I learned then, was dual. In both aspects she functions to remove disease. In the form in which I first knew her, she sought to purify life in this fashion. In her other aspect, it is life itself that she deems the disease, and she seeks to purify matter by curing it of this ailment. Ironically--or perhaps not so--it was by means of that which she had earlier viewed as disease that she sought to do this. She is a remedy as well as a condition. I have served her as apostle in both extremes. --What did she seem like when you saw her?"