Yelling like that made Youqing tremble, and I slapped him again. Scared completely senseless, Youqing drew his body back. Then the teacher rushed over.
“Who the hell are you?” she demanded. “This is a school, not your home in the countryside.”
“I’m his father!” I answered.
I was so mad that my voice was especially loud. The teacher also started to lose her temper.
“What kind of father are you?” she said sharply. “Get out! You’re more like a fascist or even the Nationalists!”
I didn’t know what a fascist was, but the Nationalists I knew. She was insulting me. No wonder Youqing didn’t study hard — he had a teacher who insulted people.
“You’re like the Nationalists, not me,” I said. “I’ve seen them before and you’re just like them!”
The teacher opened her mouth, but instead of yelling back she began to cry. The teachers from the classrooms nearby came over and pulled me out. Once I was outside, the teachers surrounded me and started babbling at me. I couldn’t understand a single word out of their mouths. Then another woman teacher came over, whom I had heard them address as the principal. She asked me why I had hit Youqing, so I systematically went through the whole story. I explained how I had given Fengxia away and how even now with Jiazhen ill I still hadn’t allowed Youqing to drop out. After listening to me, the female principal said to the other teachers, “Let him go home.”
As I picked up my pole to leave, I saw the classroom windows filled with little heads checking out the excitement. This time I had really hurt my son. Youqing wasn’t upset because I had hit him, but because I had made a scene in front of so many of his teachers and classmates. By the time I got home, I still hadn’t calmed down. I told Jiazhen what had happened, and after listening to me she said it was all my fault.
“Look at you,” she said. “How do you expect Youqing to face anyone at school with you barging into his classroom and making a scene like that?”
After hearing her out, I thought about it and realized that I really had gone a bit too far. I had made my son lose face, not to mention having lost my own. That afternoon when Youqing got home from school I called him over, but he flat out ignored me. He simply put down his book bag and headed outside. When Jiazhen called him though, he stopped in his tracks. Youqing walked over to his mom, his shoulders shuddering as he cried in sadness.
For over a month after that, Youqing wouldn’t pay any attention to me. If I told him to do something he’d do it right away, but he wouldn’t say a word to me. The thing was, the kid didn’t do anything wrong, so even if I had wanted to lose my temper, I didn’t really have a reason to.
Thinking about it now, I really did go too far — my son was crushed by what I’d done. It was a good thing that Youqing was still little. After a while, he seemed to warm up to me. He still wouldn’t answer me when I talked to him, but from the look on his face I could tell he wasn’t holding a grudge. Sometimes he’d even steal a glance at me when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I knew that after not speaking to me for so long he was embarrassed to suddenly start talking to me again. As for me, I was in no rush. Sooner or later my son would reach out to me again.
After the dining hall closed, no one in the village had any real resources. Just getting by was becoming more and more difficult. I decided to use the last of our savings to buy a lamb. Lambs are the best animals for people — they fertilize the land and in the spring you can sell their coats for extra money. But more than anything, the lamb was for Youqing. If I brought a lamb home for him, heaven knew how happy he would be.
I talked it over with Jiazhen, and she was also excited about the idea. She told me to hurry up and go buy it. That afternoon, with the money tucked under my shirt, I went into town. I bought a lamb in the western part of town near the Guangfu Bridge. On the way back I went by Youqing’s school. At first I wanted to go in and surprise him, but on second thought I decided it was best not to. The last time I’d gone in I’d ended up causing a scene, and I didn’t want to upset Youqing again.
After I led the lamb out of town and got within sight of home, I heard the sound of someone running up behind me. Before I could turn around to see who it was, Youqing called out from behind, “Dad! Dad!”
I stopped and saw Youqing running over, his face bright red. As soon as this kid saw me leading a lamb, he forgot that he wasn’t talking to me. Trying to catch his breath, he asked, “Dad, did you buy him for me?”
I smiled and, nodding my head, handed the leash over to him.
“Take him,” I said.
Youqing, taking hold of the leash, picked up the lamb and walked a couple of steps with it in his arms. He then put the lamb back down and, holding on to its hind leg, squatted down to have a look. When he finished he said, “Dad, it’s a female.”
I laughed out loud and reached out my hand to squeeze his shoulder. Youqing’s shoulder was skinny and slight, and I don’t know why, but the moment I touched him a sadness came over me. As we walked home together, I told him, “Youqing, you’re slowly growing up. Dad won’t hit you anymore, and even if I do happen to hit you, I’ll make sure it isn’t in front of other people.”
Having said that, I looked down at Youqing. He looked away. What I said had actually embarrassed him.
Now that we had a lamb again, Youqing had to get back into the routine of running to school every day. Besides cutting grass for the lamb, he still had to do the work in our private plot. I never imagined that with all that running back and forth, Youqing would actually run himself into a bit of an achievement. The day Youqing’s school held an athletic meet I went into town to sell some vegetables. After selling them, I was getting ready to head home when I saw a crowd of people standing beside the street. I asked what was going on and found out that the kids were running a ten-lap race around town.
That year Youqing was in the fourth grade. It was the first time a town-wide athletic meet was held, and the kids from elementary school and junior middle school ran together. I put my pole and empty baskets down beside the road and went to see whether Youqing was running with them. After a while I saw a group of kids about the same height as Youqing run by. There was one kid whose head bobbed up and down as he ran, then there were two others who staggered along with their heads hanging low. It really looked like they weren’t going to make it. Only after they passed did I catch sight of Youqing. Holding his shoes in his hands, he went barefoot, huffing and puffing as he ran. He was running all alone. Seeing him dragging behind I thought, this one’s really hopeless, he’s probably going to end up embarrassing me. But everyone was rooting for him. I was really confused. I watched dumbfounded as a couple more junior middle school students ran by, leaving me even more confused. I wondered what kind of a race they were running here. I asked someone beside me, “How come the older kids can’t seem to catch up with the younger ones?”