“Another thing you can’t have is extra time,” Zurek said firmly, making it clear that he had no intention of relinquishing his superior bargaining position.
“There’s no point in your asking for immortality, or even to live to be a hundred. Even if I were to make you a younger man again—say, in your forties—you would only go on for your allotted four more years and then something would happen to end your time on earth. Four years is the time remaining to you—and nothing can alter that.”
Hillowen nodded. “I’m not as naive as you seem to think. Four years may be a brief span of time, but if I am allowed to live them as I want to, those four years will contain enough ecstasy to make them equivalent to four centuries. I have had a good life, by the material standards which satisfy most people—an excellent house in Royal Tunbridge, respected position in the community, success in my profession, but the one thing denied to me, the one thing I craved above all others, was…was…”
“Political success is also out of the question,” Zurek said quickly. “When I think of how we were taken in by that woman and what she has done …”
“No, no, no! I don’t care about politics. All I want from what remains of my life is … is to be …”
“Say it, Mr Hillowen.” Zurek picked the black cat up and cradled it against his chest. “Marge and I can be very understanding.”
Hillowen took a deep breath and expelled it in a rush of words. “I want to be irresistible to women.”
“Is that all?” Zurek said, unceremoniously dumping the cat on the floor. “Why didn’t you say so at the start and save us a lot of time?”
“You mean…?” Hillowen had to take a deep breath to ease the pounding in his chest. “You mean you’ll do it?”
“Yes.”
“But I mean really irresistible to women. I want them to go weak at the knees at the sight of me. I want them to be unable to keep their hands off me.”
“I understand perfectly,” Zurek said in matter-of-fact tones. “You are now totally irresistible to women—or you will be as soon as you sign the necessary contracts.” He gave a doleful smile. “Nothing but forms these days, isn’t it?”
Hillowen was taken aback and made suspicious—everything was now going almost too smoothly. “I must say you agreed to that very quickly.”
“I’ll let you into a little secret,” Zurek said gently as he produced a sheaf of documents from under the counter. “You’re the third irresistible-to-women I’ve had today.”
Hillowen blushed and tried to look nonchalant. “Is it a perennial favourite?”
“Only among our male clients. Now, if you would like to read through these forms …”
“No, no,” Hillowen said, still embarrassed. “I’m sure everything is fine. Mr Lorrimer tells me he is very happy with his contract. He says you are observing it to the letter.”
“It’s nice to know we’re appreciated. In that case, if I could just have your signature here, please …”
“It doesn’t have to be in blood, does it?” Hillowen peered uneasily at the proffered forms. “I’ve always been a bit squeamish…”
“Ballpoint will be fine,” chuckled Zurek, taking a silver pen from his pocket. “Here, use mine. Now, if you will just sign here…that is … and once again here…and once more on the pink copy…and just once more for the computer centre…Fine!”
Ballpoint and contract vanished together, and Zurek shook Hillowen’s hand with a smile of warmth and great sincerity. The cat leapt up on to the counter beside him and began to purr.
“Mr Hillowen,” Zurek announced genially, “we have a deal!”
“Splendid,” Hillowen said, his heart beginning to pound again. “So that’s it, then, is it? I don’t feel any different. What do I…?”
“All you have to do, Mr Hillowen, is count to three.”
“And as soon as I’ve done that I’ll be …”
“Completely,” said Zurek, maintaining his smile.
“Well,” Hillowen said, deciding not to waste a second more of his four years, “in that case—one…”
“Goodbye, Mr Hillowen.”
“Goodbye,” murmured Hillowen, and suddenly he was seeing everything through a kaleidoscope. Far from causing him alarm, the experience was quite amusing. Zurek’s teeth, for example, had become a hinged circle of white; and the cat’s head was a black billiard ball with sixteen ears.
“Two,” Hillowen said, chuckling.
The kaleidoscope began to spin, and he gave himself up to a mild, delightful dizziness. The universe purred softly all around him. Why is all this necessary? he thought, but for some reason he was becoming very drowsy.
“Three,” he whispered, and immediately was engulfed in a cosy darkness.
He awoke abruptly to sharp, random noises and found he was lying on his back, unable to see anything but meaningless patches of colour. The sounds were annoyingly loud, the colours intensely bright, and he had a vague impression of being in the open air.
Suddenly, from directly overhead, a blurred pink ovoid began to descend. He blinked at it uncertainly as it came into focus—and then, with a twinge of astonishment, he recognised it as a face. The face had melting blue eyes, a powdery nose, and a huge lipsticked mouth which was curving into a tender smile.
“Oooza booful boy, den?” it crooned. “Ooza booful, wooful ickle diddums?”
Wrinkling his tiny features, kicking with his tiny feet in rage and frustration, Hillowen threw his bright green rattle out of the pram. Then he began to howl.