Dunlop assumed Colin would ease the force at which he rode once they reached the river’s rocky banks, but Colin just turned east and continued hard beside the water’s strong current. Dunlop had begun to wonder if Colin was planning to ride all the way to the North Sea before he finally reduced his speed.
Slowing to a stop, Colin slid off the animal’s wet back and stared into the setting sun. The ride had done nothing to end the war raging in his head. Two incompatible options loomed before him, both with unacceptable consequences.
Instinct said to return to the land that spiraled into the sky with frigid cold lochs and men and customs he understood.
Pride required he stay and complete what he had started. Honor was forcing him into doing the unthinkable.
He needed to keep the promise he had made to his lovely wife, Deirdre.
She had been so weak for most of their marriage, but in her last hour, she had suddenly become strong in her desire to have him understand what he needed to do. “My dearest Colin, you have taken such good care of me. I fell in love with you when I first saw you. I will never regret one moment of the time we have shared.”
Her voice had been soft, but unusually firm. It scared him. “Don’t speak, my bean si. Just conserve your strength and get better,” he whispered, clasping her pale, cool fingers as he knelt by her bedside. Fear gripped him. He was going to lose her.
Her hazel eyes smiled at him. “I have been so unfair to you, my Colin, so incredibly unfair, and yet you never wavered.”
He kissed her lips lightly and smoothed back the pale gold strands of her hair, fingering their softness. “You have never been unfair to me, Deirdre. I never wanted to marry until I met you, and never once have I had a single regret.”
Deirdre reached up and caressed his cheek. “No, I have been selfish, Colin. I was never the wife you needed me to be. I was just lucky to be the one you loved.”
“I was lucky to have found you.”
She lowered her hand and smiled, shaking her head. “Ah, Colin, you deserve someone who can match your passions, stand by your side when needed, and be a true friend. Until now, I could not be that for you.”
“You have always been more than enough for me.”
“It is kind of you to say, Colin. You may even believe that, but I know the truth.” Deirdre put a finger against his lips, preventing him from arguing. “I needed you, Colin, and you were there for me, but when did you ever need me? I mean need me. I know you don’t understand, but I pray that someday you will and that you will need your wife as much as she needs you.”
Colin placed a warm, tender kiss against her palm. “Shhh. You are speaking nonsense. There will be no one else. I want only you, bean si.”
Deirdre sighed at his pet name for her. Fairy woman. “For everything that you have given me, I want to give something to you in return.” Deirdre took his strong fingers into her own and squeezed them. “Colin, I want you to marry Makenna.”
Instinctively, Colin retreated several inches. “Marry Makenna! Are you mad?”
Her eyes danced. “I thought you said I was the sanest of the Dunstan daughters, and Makenna was the crazy one,” she chided him softly.
He released her fingers and sat back, running his hand roughly through his hair. “She is! She’s wild and crazy and completely without control. She does nothing but argue and fight against everything I do. The woman…”
“Makes you come alive. Listen to you. Even now you show more life at the mention of her name than anything I have ever done.”
Colin was about to argue that he preferred her quiet nature when Deirdre began to cough. She was failing fast and the last thing he wanted to do was argue with her. He silently vowed to agree with whatever she said.
Deirdre fought to suppress her coughing attack and said firmly, “A marriage to Makenna will protect the clan, and despite what you think, she will make you a good wife. And, Colin, when you find yourself falling in love with her, I want you to know that it is a good thing, a wonderful thing, to find love twice. And when you find yourself happy—happier than you ever were with me—know that I am looking down with joy. That it’s what I wanted. That above all other things, yours and Makenna’s happiness is my last wish.”
All these months later, he could still see the look of peace on Deirdre’s face after he agreed to consider her request. Even today, he could not fathom why his lovely, gentle wife had thought he could be contented with such an irrepressible creature as her sister.
Colin had buried Deirdre on a cool foggy October morning truly believing her to be his first and last wife. Never did he imagine that nine months later he would be forced into the one thing he vowed never to do again—marry. And in truth, his oath had very little to do with Makenna.
He had been in Ayrshire fighting alongside Robert the Bruce at the Battle of Loudoun Hill when he met Deirdre, who was visiting her sister to celebrate the English’s defeat. He thought he had finally found a woman with whom he could enjoy a marriage similar to his parents’. Beautiful as she was, petite, and with a smile that could warm the coldest of nights, Colin believed he and Deirdre would eventually create the unique bond only soul mates shared. Instead, he had watched Deirdre become ill again and again, becoming weaker each time, never able to do anything about it.
“Dunlop?” Colin asked abruptly. The sudden noise startled both his guard and horse.
“Aye, Colin,” Dunlop responded after recovering.
“Do you know the laird’s cousin? Is Alexander correct in his belief that his cousin would challenge me as laird if I remained unwed to a Dunstan?”
Dunlop took a deep breath and exhaled. So that was where Colin’s mind was at…the possibilities of continuing his work here without having to marry. “I wish it were not so, but the man would undoubtedly oppose your being laird. Robert Dunstan swore an oath, as did Alexander, that only descendents of their blood would inherit Lochlen. He respects you and the McTiernays, but only if you were to marry and have children with a Dunstan would he support your claim.”
Colin recognized the truth of his words. “Who would Robert name?”
Dunlop played with the hair on his chin, the one place it grew in abundance. “I assume you mean who besides Cedric would Robert name as laird,” he stated, receiving affirmation by Colin’s nod. “Aye, that is the struggle. I doubt there is anyone else. And while Cedric is likeable, he is no leader and definitely no warrior. Another reason why Robert would not interfere if you were married to Alexander’s heir.”
Colin flexed his fists. Cedric was an agreeable lad, but young and inexperienced. Despite his good intentions, Alexander’s clan would collapse at the first sign of any battle—whether with neighboring Lowlanders or the English. Most Dunstan allies were at least a two-days’ ride away, and it took time to muster forces and move them. For Alexander’s lineage to survive, the Dunstan clan had to be capable of repelling an unexpected attack for several days, if not weeks. Even then, it was risky, as current allies were pledged to Alexander, not Cedric. Only since Colin had taken over the training and continued the fortification of the town wall was the idea of a safe and growing Dunstan clan becoming feasible.
Colin flexed his hands again. He needed more time, the one thing he did not have.
Dunlop grimaced and voiced the dreaded option of marriage. “Colin, I do not envy you or your decision. Makenna is a wild beauty and would be difficult to tame.”
Colin felt his jaw clench. “Damn near impossible. And she is no beauty. There is defiance in everything about her, from her unruly red hair to her insolent green eyes.”