When all this was over, I asked the two friars to accompany me home, to see whether anything was left of my possessions. They said they couldn't because they were tired and dirty. Instead I went with them to drink wine from their cellar in honor of my christening, I drank the wine without saying a word; I didn’t want to discuss questions of faith, although they continued to challenge me. They accompanied me after all to my house, to see if anything was left; we found my books mutilated and burned, my money stolen, and only seven rolls of cloth left, some of which were pledges and others mine, and one bedspread of Mavar silk. The friar who now called himself my godfather put the rolls of cloth in a sack. As we were leaving, in front of the house we ran into a municipal official whom my recently acquired godfather knew, and who was armed and responsible for the protection of the Jews still alive. So my godfather told the guard: "This one has been baptized; he is a good Christian.” The guard nodded, and I found a way to get closer to him. "Do you want to be a good Jew?" he asked me in a whisper, I answered, "Yes." Then he said, "But do you have enough money for that?” “No,” I said, “bur, here, take this.” I gave him the sack that contained the rolls of cloth. He handed the sack over to one of his men and said to me: "Well then, you have nothing to be afraid of, and if someone asks you, say you’re a good Christian, and you'll save your head.”
Some distance from my house, my godfather and I met ten municipal officials, accompanied by numerous armed guards. One of them took me aside and asked in a whisper, "Are you a Jew?” and softly, so the friar couldn't hear me, I told him that I was. This official told the friar to let me go, and handed me over to a soldier who had the rank of sergeant, ordering him to guard me as he would himself, in the name of the municipal administration and municipal authorities, The sergeant took me by the arm, When we were in the vicinity of the town hall, I told everyone who asked that I was a Jew; but when we passed through notorious narrow streets and people asked the sergeant if I wasn't perhaps a Jew who had refused baptism, he told them as I advised him: that I had been baptized and was a good Christian.
The killing and looting of the Jews lasted well into the night; the town was lit by dames, the dogs were howling on all sides. In the evening, when the streets looked deserted again, I told the sergeant that my conscience was troubling me and that I would like to go to the Vicar of Toulouse to ask him whether or not baptism accepted under the threat of death was licit. When we arrived at the Vicar's he was earing dinner, and the sergeant said in my name: "Here I’ve brought you a Jew who wants you personally to baptize him." The Vicar answered, “We are dining now. Sit down at the table and join us." Since I didn't want to eat, I looked around the table, and among the many guests spotted my old friend Pierre de Savardun. I signaled to him and we stepped aside. I told him I didn't intend to undergo baptism, and asked him to tell the Vicar cot to force me, since such a baptism would not be licit. He did this for me, and whispered my words into the Vicar’s ear. Then he told the sergeant to go, for now he himself would guard me. He handed me over to another sergeant, one of his trusted men, with whom I was to go to the castle of Narbonne, to see if any of my sons were among the slaughtered Jews whose bodies were kept in the castle's yard. When we came back to the table, the Vicar asked me: “Do you want to be baptized now or would you rather wait until tomorrow?” Then Pierre de Savardun took him aside and discussed something with him in a confidential tone. I don’t know exactly what he told him, but the Vicar replied: "Naturally I don't wish to baptize anyone by force, whether he be a Jew or anyone else.” From that I concluded that the baptism to which I had been subjected by force could be considered invalid.
When this was resolved, I asked Pierre de Savardun for advice: should I stay on in the castle of Narbonne or leave? Since Pierre told me that all Jews who took shelter in the castle would be either baptized or killed, we decided that I should leave for Toulouse. Pierre gave me three shillings and accompanied me to the crossroads, from where the main road leads to Montgiscard. He told me to walk as fast as possible, and to speak only German if I met anyone.
So I hurried to reach Montgiscard as soon as possible. When I finally arrived and was crossing the town square, suddenly a mob of people armed with whips and knives poured out of nowhere, seized me, and asked me whether I was a Jew or a Christian. I asked them to tell me who they were themselves, and they said, '"We are the devout Pastoureaux, in the service of Christ’s Faith,” They also said to me, “In the name of the paradise of both heaven and earth, we shall exterminate all those who do not follow His road, both Jews and non-Jews." I told them that I was not a Jew and said to them: "Can the paradise of heaven and earth be reached by blood and flames?" And they replied: "Even a single unbelieving soul is enough to deprive us all of hope and paradise, as one mangy sheep is enough to infect the entire flock." They also said, “Isn't it better to slaughter one mangy sheep than to allow the whole flock to become tainted?" And they shouted, "Arrest him! His words reek of doubt and disbelief!” So they bound my wrists and took me away. I also asked them, “Is your power over people such that you can dispose of their freedom?” And they said, “We are Christ's soldiers, and have final authority to separate the diseased from the healthy, the infidel from the faithful.”
Then I told them that faith was born of doubt and I told them that doubt was my faith, and that I was a Jew, because I hoped they wouldn’t kill me with my hands bound. The mob now dispersed, not caring for learned discussion and dialectic, and instead went toward a certain dark street where they had caught another victim. They took me to a large house and lowered me into the cavernous cellars, where there were some ten Jews, including the learned Bernardo Lupo and his daughter, called "La Bonne" because of her goodness. We spent the night and the next day in prayer, and decided that we wouldn’t let them baptize us, but would persist in our own faith. Our prayer was interrupted only by rats, which, heavy and well fed, were squeaking in the corners and running around the cellar all night long. The next day they brought us out and sent us under guard to Mazeres and from there to Pamiers.[12]
"Did you revert to the Jewish faith in Pamiers or anywhere else, and according to the Law of Moses?"
"No, Under Talmudic doctrine, only when someone is converted willingly and by Christian rules, and then wants to revert to his old faith again, must he submit to the procedure I have already described-the cutting of nails and hair, and washing of the entire body-since he is considered unclean. But when he is not converted willingly and according to all the Christian rules, but by force, then this procedure doesn't apply, and such a conversion is considered invalid."
"Did you tell one or more persons who were baptized under the threat of death that their conversion was invalid, so that they could, unpunished and in peace, revert to Judaism?”
12
By the decree of Arnaud Dejean, the Inquisitor of Pamiers, in the diocese of Pamiers, the Jews had the light to live in freedom. This decree, of March 2, 1298, which forbade the inhabitants and the civil authority to treat the Jews "too sternly and cruelly," shows the degree to which the personal attitude and courage of the inhabitants could in hard times change that fate which cowards believe to be inevitable and pronounce to be fate and historical necessity.