The coconut did not appear to share the same sentiments. As she fell to her rear, Kataria realised she didn’t either.
‘We had fun, didn’t we?’ she asked the nut. ‘I mean, I had fun at least. After a year around you, I’m not infected.’ She sighed, rubbing her eyes. ‘That’s not true. I am infected. That’s why I had to do what I did. . sorry, why I have to do what I’m going to do.’
She didn’t bother explaining the rest to the coconut. How could he understand? she asked herself. Humans didn’t understand the Howling, couldn’t hear it, couldn’t comprehend what it was like to hear it again after a year of silence.
But Kataria did.
She had heard it, in fleeting echoes, during her battle with Xhai. And in those few moments, she had felt it, everything that it meant to be a shict. She could hear all the voices of her people, her ancestors, her tribesmen.
‘My father,’ she whispered.
Quietly, she reached up and ran her finger down the notches in her long earlobes, counting them off. One, two, three, she switched her hand to the other ear, four, five, six. The sixth tribe. Sil’is Ish. The Wolves. The Tribe that Hears.
And what good was it to be a part of the sixth tribe if she was deaf to the Howling? What would her people say if they knew such a thing? To know that she only used her ears to be a glorified hunting hound for a pack of inept, reeking, diseased monkeys?
What would her father say?
A brown shape caught her eye and she spied another coconut, this one apparently having landed on a rock when descending from its leafy home. Its face looked sunken, frowning, disapproving.
Much like him.
‘Naturally, I’m disappointed,’ she imagined the coconut saying, ‘you are a shict, after all.’
‘What does that even mean, though?’ she asked.
‘If you’ve forgotten already, then the answer as to what you should do is quite clear.’
‘But I don’t want to do it,’ she replied.
‘If we could all do what we wanted to, what would that make us?’
‘Human.’ She sighed, rubbing her eyes.
‘Or?’
‘Tulwar,’ she recited with rehearsed precision, ‘or Vulgore, or Couthi, or any number of monkeys that claim to be a people.’ She looked to the coconut with a pleading expression. ‘But it’s not like we have to kill them all.’
‘Just the ones that make us forget what it is to be a shict.’
‘It’s not like that-’
‘Was it not you who just said such a thing?’
‘It’s complicated.’
‘It is not.’
‘He’s complicated.’
‘He’s human.’
‘I have no reason to kill him. I don’t hate him.’
‘It’s not a matter of hate.’ She could hear the deep, resonant tone of a voice used to speaking to a people, for a people. ‘Any monkey can hate, no matter what race he claims to be. Shicts are as beyond hate as the human disease is beyond redemption. We do not hate the disease, we cure it. We do not kill, we purify. This is simply what must be done and no other race has the conviction to do it. After all. . we were here first.’
‘Right …’
Her father had always been hard to deny, for both herself and her tribe. He had shed little blood himself in years past, but had kept their home free of filth and degenerates. It was his leadership that turned back three individual human armies seeking to cross their domain. It was his confidence that led the three tribes to unite under him.
It was his plans, the houses that burned, the wells that were poisoned, the lack of mercy for anything with a round ear, regardless of age or sex, that kept humans far away from their borders.
No one could say what might happen if a human did contaminate a shict. Her father had made certain there would never be an opportunity. Now that Kataria herself felt it, felt the distance, felt the need to ask what it meant to be a shict, his speeches and sermons made much more sense than they ever had when she was small.
And yet, she wasn’t quite ready to pick up arrows and start firing.
It could have been something else that infected her, something else that made her forget the Howling. She had been around many humans, after all, and other races as well. Any number of them could have been the cause.
But then, she told herself, you wouldn’t have been exposed to any of them if not for him.
Kataria lay back upon the sand. Her head throbbed, ached with the weight that had been put upon it. Her father was right, she knew; humans had done too much damage to be considered anything but a threat. She was proof enough. But if he was right, why hadn’t she done what needed to be done in the first place?
Opinions contradicting her father’s were few, but there was one that could be counted on always.
At that, she folded her arms behind her head and stared up at the sky, wondering what her mother would have said.
‘Well, it’s not like it’s some great loss for a human to die,’ the crisp, sharp voice came cutting on the wind, ‘but when is it really necessary?’
‘You killed humans at K’tsche Kando,’ Kataria retorted, ‘many.’
‘Hundreds.’ There was a morbid laughter on the wind. ‘But that was different.’
‘Forgive me for not seeing how.’
‘A human encroaching on our land is no different from any other race encroaching on our land. If they stay on their own side, they can do whatever they want. It’s when they start pretending they belong somewhere else that they need to be culled.’
‘Not quite the message I’d hoped to receive.’
‘Well, you’re forgetting a very important aspect.’
‘What’s that?’
‘I didn’t go to K’tsche Kando for any shict. I went there for you.’
‘I don’t understand.’
‘If you did, you wouldn’t be hallucinating now, would you?’
‘I thought this was the Howling,’ Kataria said, frowning. ‘Am. . am I actually going mad?’
‘If you choose to. After all, no matter what your father says, it’s all down to choice. He didn’t want me to go, but I chose to, because if the humans set one foot upon our sister tribe’s land unchallenged, they’d come to our land, too, bolder and more virulent than ever.’
A brief silence hung over them. Kataria absently sighed up to the sky, hoping that whatever was looking down upon her did so with a frown that matched her own.
‘Did you choose to die there?’ she asked.
‘Can you choose that? I chose to kill there. What do you choose?’
‘I’m. . not sure.’
‘Then what do you want?’
Kataria sat up, staring at her hands as they lay in her lap, calloused and well used to the shape of the bow, feeling the breeze kick the feathers in her hair against her notched ears, hearing the distant howl upon the wind.
‘I. .’ she said reluctantly, ‘I want to feel like a shict again.’
‘Then,’ the sky and coconut answered as one, ‘you already know the answer.’
The hunting knife seemed much heavier when she picked it up. Her body felt like lead as she pulled herself up to her feet. The realisation that they were right was so thick as to choke her when she took in a deep breath.
The coconut with its eye put out now looked cold, stale. In the moments before the last of its milk had sloshed onto the sand, its face had changed. No longer did it demand explanation or look at her with disapproval. It merely seemed to stare blankly, as if to ask what it had done wrong to deserve such treatment.