Apparently Emperor Jean Bédel Bokassa wept and wept at the death of General de Gaulle, who ran France before Georges Pompidou. De Gaulle was as tall as two men from round here, or as five and a half pygmies from Gabon. Papa Roger says people liked him in the Congo, because when the Germans decided to go and occupy France by force, General de Gaulle came to Brazzaville to announce that France was no longer in France, that the capital of France was no longer Paris, with the Eiffel Tower — Brazzaville was now the capital of free France. So the French all became Congolese like us. Besides, at that time, it was better to be Congolese than a Frenchman collaborating with the Germans, led by Adolf Hitler and his scary moustache. So we let the French all come over here, no problem. We said to ourselves: ‘Things must be pretty bad over there in Europe if the Whites are running to hide here in Brazzaville, the Germans and their leader Adolf Hitler must be giving them a hard time.’
Papa Roger also remembers that the year the great de Gaulle died, people in our country acted as if their own president had died. We had a long history with de Gaulle, because when he came here and then took the plane back to Europe, our prophet, André Grenard Matsoua disappeared too. And to this day lots of people in the Kongo tribe think the prophet isn’t dead, that he’ll turn up at Brazzaville airport again one day with General de Gaulle. That’s why there’s always a crowd at Maya-Maya airport, waiting for General de Gaulle and our prophet to return. As far as we’re concerned, General de Gaulle’s not dead. The French are lying to us. Our prophet, Matsoua, isn’t dead, the French are hiding him somewhere with General de Gaulle. Some day, sooner or later, the two of them will come back to the Congo.
But then Papa Roger really confuses us by telling us that General de Gaulle really is dead and that he’s buried in a part of France known as Colombey-les-Deux-Eglises, a village with two churches.
As soon as Maman Pauline, who had just picked up her glass, heard this weird-sounding name, Colombey-les-Deux-Eglises, she leapt from her chair and her beer almost came snorting out of her nostrils.
‘How can they bury someone that important in a church? And how did they bury him in two churches?’
Apparently the day General de Gaulle died, the dictator Jean Bédel Bokassa wept as though his own Papa Roger had died. He made out like it was his own father who’d just gone up to heaven and left him alone on earth. And he wept so much for his father de Gaulle that even the Africans began to wonder: What if it’s true? Now, it couldn’t possibly be, because Bokassa the First was as black as the bottom of a cooking pot. And a famous White like de Gaulle couldn’t have a black child. It’s impossible, even in a nightmare. But the Emperor Bokassa I didn’t care what people said, so he went to the General’s funeral and there he happened to meet the French minister for finance, Valéry Giscard d’Estaing who, it just so happened, had family in the Central African Republic. His family loved to go hunting animals in our forests for fun, even though the animals are the spirits of our ancestors, and have never harmed anyone. Our animals are lovely, they make sweet little babies so that the bush will always be full of living creatures, and so that each generation of little Africans can see with its own eyes what a lion looks like, what an elephant looks like, what a zebra looks like, what a squirrel looks like. The Whites in Giscard’s family played at hunting with these animals and killed them just for a bit of fun, and to take some photos. Then they stuck the heads of the animals on the wall so they could boast: ‘I hunted in Africa, I killed that lion, I killed that leopard and I killed that elephant.’
Every time the minister for finance, Giscard d’Estaing, went to visit his family in the Central African Republic, he popped in to say hello to dictator Bokassa I, now they’d met each other at General de Gaulle’s funeral.
Papa Roger reminds us too that Giscard d’Estaing came to visit Bokassa I, who showed him round his lovely palace and gave him lots of nice presents, including a present with all these diamonds on it. Bokassa I was always very nice to his guests and he gave Giscard some more diamonds the day he came to see him in the château he owned in France. And then it turns out there were other presents too, which is why my father says it’s a complicated business, and we don’t know whether Bokassa I is exaggerating, telling lies, making stuff up, because he’s angry with France now he’s in exile. Or if Valéry Giscard d’Estaing is trying to hide some other diamonds, and prove to everyone that he hadn’t been given real diamonds, just bling.
So now it’s like world war between Giscard d’Estaing and Bokassa I. Bokassa must be sitting there in his country of exile thinking: Giscard, I gave you those presents, those diamonds, why did you go and attack my regime and put my cousin David Dacko back in power, when I’d already overthrown him in a coup d’état?
Yeah, Bokassa I must be really annoyed at being driven out of the Central African Republic, and having to go and live with the Ivoirians. He thinks France has betrayed him, he wants revenge, he wants to topple President Giscard d’Estaing. And now that all you ever hear about on the radio and all you read about in the papers is this business with the diamonds, Papa Roger can’t see how the French can vote for Giscard d’Estaing. He’s going to get pensioned off, even if he is still a bit young. Bokassa I down on the Ivory Coast’s going to be happy about that.
Just as Roger Guy Folly finishes speaking and Papa Roger turns off the radio, it occurs to me that Bokassa I won’t ever die of cancer. No, he didn’t love his country like the Shah did. Cancer’s for people who love their country or adventurers like Arthur. Also, Bokassa I could have chosen Egypt for his exile, instead of the Ivory Coast. When you’re in exile, or adventuring, if you don’t stop off in Egypt it means you’re not a good guy, you’re not very important. And I really don’t like Bokassa I. So I really do want the French to vote for Giscard d’Estaing again. Then at least Bokassa I will get lost.
I go into my bedroom and put up the mosquito net. I can’t stop thinking about Valéry Giscard d’Estaing. I fall asleep over the last few words I say to My Sister Star and My Sister No-name: