There is so much pain in his voice already I don’t want to ask him to continue. Tears roll down my cheeks and my pulse is racing, but I know he wants to tell me the rest, I can see it in his eyes. So taking a deep breath, I take both his hands in mine and urge him to go on. “What happened?”
His voice hitches and he tells me something he has never openly talked about with anyone. “My mom had come home just after I left and pulled Xander off him. My dad told her what happened and she told him he had to leave, to get out. He went in the bedroom and she and Xander thought he was packing his stuff, until they heard the gunshot.”
Shivering, I hug him as tight as I can. “I’m so sorry, River. I’m so sorry.”
He straightens his shoulders and pulls away, taking my hands in his. His voice tightens in anger as he talks. “That’s not all. He left a note. It didn’t say he was sorry, or why he did it. Instead it said, ‘I love you all. Boys, take care of Mom, and, Bell, and don’t ever settle for not being at the top, because I know you can do what I couldn’t.’ Xander or Bell never sang or played again after that day. But I never stopped. I don’t know if I kept on for him or for me, but I loved it and was happy doing it until the day Xander came home from seeing my grandfather and told me he wanted to manage my career—to put me on top. I never asked why, but since then he’s been determined to make the band succeed. Dahlia, I can’t let him down.”
“You owe it to yourself to do what’s right for you now, River. Please think about that.”
“My father always told us that scars are the road maps to one’s soul. It took me forever to figure out what he meant, but I did when I met you.”
Touched by his words but heartbroken by what happened to him, and to his family, I tip his chin up so I meet his eyes when I speak. “I love you so much.”
He sags against me, touching his nose to mine. Then he buries his head in my neck and sighs. After a few minutes he brings his lips to mine and kisses me with a need I know I can fill. His kiss is deep, powerful, and unstrained. His strong frame hovers over me. The raw desperate need I feel from him makes me surrender to him and I let the conversation drop without further discussion even though I think we should talk about the upcoming tour. He wraps his arms around my back and dips my body down onto the rock.
We stay like that, devouring each other, until the sun slips through the sky. But once the sun has set on the horizon, it’s time for us to head home. We have dinner plans with River’s family and we’re going to be late. With his arm slung around me and my hand tucked in the waistband of his board shorts, he carries the bucket of shells we found along the shore and I carry my camera and our towels as we head back to the parking lot.
When we get to the car, he reaches to open my door and I grab his arm to stop him. I push myself up against his smooth bare chest so that our sunburns blend into one. “I had an amazing day,” I tell him as I softly brush against the lips I just spent an hour kissing and still didn’t get enough of. And then I feel the need to tell him something else. I’m not sure why. I run the back of my hand along his cheek, caressing it gently. “Everything you and I did today, Ben and I never did as adults. We never took the time to just enjoy the beach—so thank you for taking the time with me.” I notice him flinch at Ben’s name, but the tension quickly passes.
And even though we are both barely dressed and our bodies are pressed up against each other, he refrains from making a move. Instead he circles his arms around me and just holds me tight. Resting his mouth on my ear he whispers, “Thank you for that and everything else.”
Then he opens my door and ushers me into the car. We don’t discuss anything we talked about today on the car ride back to LA. In fact, we hardly talk at all. Instead we listen to a new band that River really likes called Atlas Genius. He wanted his stepfather to sign them but he didn’t. I love their single “Through the Glass”; he prefers their song “Electric.” Both have strong lyrics and as we listen I can’t help but think we are both taking this time to reflect on all that has happened and everything we discussed.
We are so late that we don’t even take the extra ten minutes to go home and change before going to Charlotte and Jack’s. I’ve been over to River’s mother and stepfather’s house for dinner at least once a week since moving to LA, but tonight feels different now that I know what happened between Charlotte and River’s father. I feel like I understand her more—not that I didn’t before, maybe I feel sympathy for her more now, but I know I shouldn’t. She’s a strong, caring woman who loves her family and she’s happy now and that makes me happy.
Before entering the house, I reach for his arm. “Did you tell Charlotte and Jack about Ben?”
He flinches. Then, lacing his hand in mine, he kisses my forehead. “No. I thought you should tell them when you’re ready.”
“Do you think Xander told them?”
“No Dahlia, he wouldn’t do that.”
“So Bell doesn’t know, either?”
“Hey, nobody knows anything. Okay?” he says, slightly agitated.
River walks in without ringing the doorbell and we find them all in the kitchen. Charlotte’s kitchen is unlike any I have ever seen. It’s huge and has an old-world feel. The double-stacked ovens are encased in a brick wall, two sinks sit in one island and there’s another along the wall next to the refrigerator, and there are even two dishwashers. A large wooden table seats twelve at one end of the kitchen while the cooking island planks the other end. Bell and Xander are sitting at the middle island in the center of the room. There’s a gorgeous chandelier above it and five barstools wrap around it.
The smell of garlic immediately assaults me and I know the family’s favorite garlic mashed potatoes are on the menu. When Brigitte, the housekeeper, doesn’t immediately greet us I know she isn’t here and Charlotte must be the one cooking tonight.
River spots his mother at the stove and heads over to her. I follow behind him, waving to Xander and Bell on the way.
He kisses his mother on the cheek. “Hey Mom. Sorry we’re late; we lost track of time.”
“Oh River, your eye,” she says, brushing his hair from his face. “Xander told me you two were playing around and he accidently hit you, but I had no idea it was that bad.” She turns to scowl at Xander and I have to admire how the boys always want to protect their mother.
River walks toward Xander and Bell, and I kiss Charlotte as well. “Hi, Charlotte. It’s my fault we’re late. I insisted on going to the beach today.”
She tucks my windblown hair behind my ear. “Stop it. You’re not late. And it looks like the two of you got way too much sun today. Xander, grab them each a water, please, will you, honey?”
Looking at his watch, then at each of us, Xander says, “Since Loverboy is late, I think he can manage his own water.”
I look over to Bell, whose sense of style never falters. She’s wearing an orange, off-the-shoulder shirt with army green skinny jeans and her always-present high heels. She rolls her eyes and punches Xander in the arm. “They aren’t that late, just forty-five minutes, and I’ll grab them each a water,” she says, smirking at Xander.
We walk toward them and she hands each of us a bottle and hugs us. She seems gleeful and I ask, “What’s going on?”