“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about,” Nikoli denied, even though he knew Luther was probably right. Lily Holmes terrified him.
“We’ll see.” Luther grinned. “Come on, let’s get out of here. The White Horse or T’s?”
“T’s,” Nikoli told him. “I’m not in the mood for trendy. I need a bar tonight.”
Luther didn’t say a word. He just held the door open and grinned like the idiot Nikoli labeled him. Nik grumbled and headed out. Tonight he needed some stiff whiskey. Lily Holmes wasn’t even his yet, and she was already driving him to drink. Just what the hell had he gotten himself into?
***
The phone buzzed again, and Lily sighed. She knew without looking it was Adam. He’d been blowing up her cell since she left the restaurant. He was worried. She got it, but at the same time, he didn’t have the right to make her feel like second best to anyone. It may not have been his intention, but that’s how she ended up feeling. That’s how she always felt around Adam.
It came back to her aversion to being touched. Adam looked out for her, protected her. He saw her as a pseudo little sister. Never once in the entire time they’d known each other had he ever looked at her the way he looked at any of his girlfriends. Even before her aversion started. She was always just Lily to him.
Frustrated, she threw a throw pillow at the wall. Nikoli was right about one thing. Adam was a touchy-feely person, and he needed that intimate contact. Her hands started to shake just thinking about letting Adam stroke her hand like he had Sue’s, and she cursed herself six ways to Sunday. Why couldn’t she get past her stupid phobia?
Someone started pounding on her door, and she closed her eyes in frustration. It was only the first day. What kind of trouble could the girls have gotten themselves into already? Grumbling, she dragged herself to the door, surprised when she saw Adam on the other side. He looked relieved to see her.
“What are you doing here, Adam?” Lily asked, resigned to a potential fight.
“I just need to make sure you were…that you didn’t…are you okay?”
Lily quirked a brow. “That I didn’t what? Sleep with Nikoli? You know me better than that, Adam.”
He let out a breath she didn’t realize he’d been holding. Maybe Nikoli wasn’t entirely wrong about how Adam felt. Could there be hope? One way to find out.
“Not that it would have been any of your business if I had,” she said. “Why do you even care who I sleep with?”
“Can I come in?” he asked, his eyes a little pained. “I don’t really want to talk about this standing here where half the hall is listening.”
Lily peeked around him and saw that several of the doors had opened and people were listening. Damn nosy freshmen. She stepped back and let him in, closing the door. He collapsed on her bed and stared at the ceiling for a minute. She leaned against the door and waited.
He rolled to face her. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” She narrowed her eyes. “For insulting me? For following me to Joe’s? For acting like a complete asshole? For embarrassing me in front of Nikoli? For making me feel worthless? What exactly are you sorry for, Adam?”
He had the good grace to wince. “All that,” he said. “I didn’t mean to make you feel worthless, Lily, or insinuate that you weren’t good enough for Nikoli. I swear to God, that’s not what I meant.”
She continued to glare, and he flushed. “Look, Lily, it’s just that Nikoli is more experienced, he’s…well, he’s…”
“A manwhore?” Lily supplied. “I know that, Adam. No one has to tell me who he is. I know who he is and his opinion of women.”
“Then why the hell would you go out with him?” Adam shouted, his blue eyes starting to burn with his own anger.
“Because I wanted to!” Lily shouted right back.
“You really have lost your damn mind!” Adam growled, sitting up. “He will eat you alive, Lily.”
“Again, none of your business!”
“Yes, it is my business!” Adam stood and stalked over to stand barely inches from her. “You’re my business.”
“Adam, like I said at Joe’s, I’m not your sister, and I’m certainly not your girlfriend. You can’t tell me what to do, who to do it with, or where I can do it! If I want to screw the entire football team in the locker room, I can, and it still won’t be any of your business!”
His eyes glowed with fury. She could read it in every muscle in his body. His fist landed against the wall beside her head. She’d never seen him this mad. Nikoli was right about one thing. Adam was jealous.
“Lily Isabella Holmes.” His eyes softened. “You have been my business since you beat the shit out of Jimmy Carson in fourth grade when he tried to take my lunch. You’re my best friend, and I’ll be damned if I sit and watch you fall victim to Nikoli Kincaid. You’re better than that. You deserve to be treated like something more than a piece of ass.”
“Nikoli has been very upfront and honest with me.” Panic started to creep in as Adam moved closer, blocking her in. “He never promised me forever, only a good time. If I do anything, I will go into it with my eyes wide open. I’m not stupid, Adam.”
His hand came up and pushed a stray lock of hair behind her ear. She flinched and whimpered. The small touch made her start to shake. She couldn’t bear it, and Adam knew it. He laughed. “I don’t think I’ll have to worry about that, anyway, Lils.”
“Really?” she asked, her fear turning to anger. “Why’s that, Adam? Explain it to me.”
“You won’t let him touch you, Lily.” The anger bled out of his eyes. “You and I both know it.”
“Bastard,” she whispered, tears welling up despite her attempt to keep them back. “Get the hell out!”
His face blanched, realizing what he’d said. “Oh, God, Lily, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean it…I’m so sorry…”
“Get. Out.”
He moved away from her, and she yanked the door open. “Get out!”
“No!” he yelled. “I didn’t mean it. Please, Lily, I didn’t mean it!”
She could hear the doors opening down the hall, and she closed her eyes, mortified. “Adam, I can’t talk to you right now. I need you to leave. Please.”
“Not until you forgive me.” He pulled the door from her and shut it. “I can’t leave until you forgive me, Lily, please. I’m sorry. I swear to you, I didn’t mean it. I would never try to use that to hurt you.”
“Adam, I’m going to ask you one more time to leave, then I’m calling Mikey to come haul you out. I can’t, not right now. Please, just leave me the hell alone.”
“Lily…”
“No,” she cut him off. “I want you to leave. Go find your perfect little girlfriend who can stand for you to touch her.”
“Shit, Lily…”
“Shut up!” she shouted. “You have no right, none! Now. Get. The. Hell. Out!”
She opened the door. His whole body slumped, defeated. “I’ll leave, but this isn’t over, Lily. I’m not about to lose my best friend because I can’t control my own stupid mouth.”
“I already lost you a long time ago, Adam,” she said softly. He frowned, confused. “Please, just leave.”
Finally, he walked out of her room, and she slammed the door, sliding down until she sat against it. Her whole body shook from the pain of what just happened. How dare he throw that in her face? She felt worse than worthless; Adam had used her phobia to demoralize her. It hurt. Tears burned wet tracks down her cheeks.
Lily was tired of being afraid, tired of feeling like she was worthless, broken, and not worthy of the great Adam Roberts. She was tired of being a self-imposed victim. She deserved better, dammit. Adam was right about that. She’d be damned if she sat here and let her own fear hold her back anymore. She would never let anyone make her feel like this again.
Reaching for her phone, she found Nik’s number. He picked it up on the second ring.
“Lily Bells?”