“For a little while,” she said absently. “Nikoli pushes me, he won’t let me hide, but he never pushes me too far, or at least he hasn’t yet. I need to talk about it, though. I can’t talk to Adam about this, especially not right now.”
“Now, tell me how you are feeling in regards to your argument with Adam.” Rebekha moved the conversation back to Adam.
Lily’s shoulders sagged. “Adam has always been there, never unkind, always supportive, until I started dating Nikoli. I never knew he could be so cruel. He hurt me more than I can express. He’s sorry, but I can’t get past what he said to me, how he made me feel.”
“Sometimes those we love hurt us more than anyone else, Lily.”
Lily fiddled with the cushion again. “I’m trying to forgive him. I need him in my life, even if from a distance. He is the one stable person in my life, the one person who never made me feel guilty about Laney. Sometimes my mom looks at me, and I can still see the pain in her eyes and just a little bit of blame. I don’t know if I imagine it or not, but I see it.” Lily rubbed her neck, trying to loosen the tension knot. “I’ve been talking about Laney with Nikoli.”
Rebekha’s eyebrows went up just a bit. Lily refused to willingly talk about her sister with anyone, but with Nikoli, she found she could talk about her. She wasn’t sure why.
“Maybe it’s because Nikoli didn’t know the two of you, and you feel safe from the doubt and the blame? This is good, Lily. It’s progress, a massive step forward in forgiving yourself for her death.”
Lily wouldn’t go that far, but it was nice to talk to someone about her without any blame or guilt, imagined or real, aimed at her. It helped.
“Time’s up, Lily.” Rebekha stood. “Stop at the desk and make your next appointment for Friday with Sharon. If you need me, you have my office number and my cell number. I want you to call if you start to feel too out of control. We don’t want another repeat of your last incident, but I think you’ll be fine. You’re stronger than you think.”
Lily gave her a small smile and thanked her. She stepped out and waited behind a woman to make her next appointment.
Maybe this really would work. Maybe she could be normal again. There wasn’t anything she wanted more than that.
***
Nikoli paced the small apartment like a caged animal. He was sexually frustrated and there wasn’t a damn thing he could do about it. Except get surly, which he’d been for the last week. Lily, damn her, grinned when she saw him. She was betting he couldn’t last without sex, but he was just as stubborn as she was.
Luther started a betting pool on it. Most people gave him two weeks, tops. Luther gave him a week and three days. He threw a glare at the top of Luther’s head over that one.
“You know, if you wear a hole in the carpet, we lose our deposit,” Luther said casually, his gaze focused on the game he was playing.
“And?” Nikoli growled.
“Just saying, bro.” Luther paused the game and turned to face him. “It’s only been a little over a week and you’re ready to explode. You need to de-stress.”
“You’re not winning the pool, Luther,” he said, his glare hot enough to singe what little hair was on his friend’s head.
“Hey, man, I’m just saying you need to de-stress. Why don’t you go out and have a few? I’ll even come keep you company.”
“No,” Nikoli snapped. “If I do that, I’ll end up fucking someone.”
“Then go pace in your own fucking room,” Luther snapped back. “It’s getting on my nerves.”
Nikoli flipped Luther off and stalked to his room, slamming the door. Damn, but he was in a foul mood. Who the hell knew going without sex could cause this much irritability? Porn wasn’t even helping. Well, not much. He sat down at his desk and stared at the computer screen. He should be programming, but he was too wired.
He trolled his Facebook page for a few minutes before giving up and dragging out his phone. Lily’s face appeared when he pulled up her contact information. He just stared and felt himself get even harder. Damn, this girl was messing with him in more ways than should be possible. He missed her. It was odd. He’d never missed anyone before, except his family, but certainly not a girl.
His Skype pinged and he glanced over to see his brother Viktor had sent him a photo of him and his new girl. Vik was the only one of his brothers who’d had a relationship with a girl for longer than a week. The rest of the brothers thought he was weird, willing to tie himself down to one girl.
Lily made him wonder what it would be like to be tied down to one girl, and even though it set off alarm bells, he found himself thinking of it more and more. She was unlike any girl he’d ever met. She knew cars maybe even better than he did. Sexy as hell and she could keep him interested in an actual conversation for more than five minutes.
He glanced from his phone to his open Skype and back to his phone. Why didn’t he have her on Skype? He grinned. Maybe seeing her on cam would alleviate some of his irritability. Hell, just seeing her get riled and irritated as much as he was might help. He enjoyed getting her all worked up and spitting fire at him.
First he searched her name, and there were too many hits to even sort through. He tried her email with no results. Frowning, he sent her a text.
Nikoli: What’s ur Skype name?
Lily: What makes u think I have Skype?
Nikoli: FFS, who doesn’t have Skype?
Lily: Me?
Nikoli: LILY!
Lily: Fine. Arabella.
Nikoli: Arabella?
Lily: Game account.
A game account? She was a gamer? He’d never seen the name. She probably played those girly Facebook games. Farmer Lily. He chuckled at the thought as he searched Arabella. Six popped up.
Nikoli: Which 1?
Lily: Girl with the finger to her lips.
Her Skype had a provocative picture? So many things about her didn’t make sense to him. She had a severe issue with being touched, but her Skype profile picture oozed sex? He shook his head and sent her a contact request.
And waited.
And waited.
Nikoli: FFS, Lily, accept the damn request.
Lily: My Skype isn’t on.
He rolled his eyes in frustration and let out a long-suffering sigh.