Nikoli nodded to him and then dragged the chair closer to the bed and sat down. He stared at her, not saying a word. There were so many emotions flickering in his eyes, it was hard to define them all.
“I’m sorry, Milaya,” he said after a long moment. “I’m so sorry.”
“It’s not your fault someone attacked me, Nikoli.”
“Yes, it is. If I wasn’t such a stupid ass, you would never have been put in that position. You wouldn’t have walked in on me and then run out so that bastard could take you.”
She sighed and started to say something, but he put a finger to her lips.
“Quiet, Milaya,” he said, his voice deep and gruff. “When I saw your face that night…God, it cut through me, and I realized then what a selfish bastard I was.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I lied to you, Lily, when I said I didn’t love you. I do. More than my own life, but I was so scared when you told me in Miami. I kept thinking of the girl who’d broken my heart before, and I couldn’t do that to myself again. So I lied.”
He lied? A flutter of hope sprang to life inside of her, but then she remembered all the women he’d been with since they broke up. “Nikoli…the last month…all the women…”
“Not a damn thing happened,” he swore. “I tried, Milaya. Trust me, I tried hard to forget you, but I couldn’t. I kept seeing your eyes, all broken and haunted. That girl you found me with? She was my last ditch effort to try and be the old me, but I couldn’t. I was about to take her back downstairs when you walked in. I don’t blame you if you don’t believe me, but it’s the truth, Lily. You’ve seen me with girls, but how many have you heard talking about fucking me?”
She thought back over the last month, and she’d heard rumors he’d been playing hard to get and it was driving the girls insane, but she couldn’t think of a single person who claimed to have slept with him.
“I love you, Lily Isabella Holmes. I fucked up and let you walk away once, and I’m not doing it again. I’m an ass, but I’m an ass who loves you. Will you forgive me, Lily? Will you forgive all the hurt I caused us both and marry me?”
Marry him?
“I swear to all that’s holy, Milaya, I will spend every damn day for the rest of our lives making it up to you if you’ll forgive me. I promised God I’d take care of you if he’d give you back to me. You’ll never know the hell I went through when I found your phone lying there on the sidewalk, and the blood…God, Lily, I almost lost it. Then when I saw that car flip with you in it, I almost died myself.”
He reached down and grabbed her hand. “Please, dushka, forgive me. I’m so fucking sorry, Lily. Give me a second chance? Please?”
Lily stared at him, shocked and dazed. She’d heard nothing but blah, blah, blah after the words marry me. He’d really asked her to marry him? Hope refused to be pushed down again as she gazed into his onyx eyes. They were open and honest, full of pain, regret, and love.
Could she forgive him for everything he’d done? He’d broken her so badly. He’d healed the damaged person she’d been, only to break her into a million tiny pieces that were still sobbing on Janet’s bathroom floor.
“Nikoli,” she said softly. “You don’t understand what you did to me, what I went through…”
“Jan told me,” he said just as softly. “I’m sorry, Lily. I know it doesn’t mean anything, but I am truly and deeply sorry, and I will never hurt you like that again. I swear it.”
Could she trust him again? She loved him so much, her very soul ached without him, but could she go through that again if he decided he didn’t want her? Her mind shied away from the thought of that pain, the pain that still sometimes woke her up in the middle of the night, and she’d cry until she went to sleep. The only person who could fix the broken mess she was sat staring at her, his heart in his eyes. She took a chance once, and she’d take it again, even given what happened, because she would never regret Nikoli Kincaid. He was her heart and her soul.
“What does dushka mean?” she asked instead of answering right away.
“It means sweetheart.” He ran a hand through his short hair. “I’ve never called a girl sweetheart before. It’s why I’d never tell you what it meant. I didn’t want to explain it even to myself.”
He’d been calling her sweetheart for months and she’d never even realized.
“You’re killing me Lily.” He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the bed. “Please say you forgive me.”
“I forgive you, Nikoli.”
He brought her hand to his lips and placed a kiss lightly on her palm. “Thank you, Milaya. I don’t deserve it, but thank you.”
“No, you don’t deserve it,” she told him. “And you are a selfish bastard, and if you ever make me hurt like that again, I swear I will shoot you where you stand.”
He chuckled. “You still haven’t answered my question yet, Lily Bells.”
“I don’t know if I want to marry an ass or not,” she said, but there was no heat behind the words. She did want to marry him.
“Yes, you do,” he countered, a wicked grin spreading across his face.
“I do, do I?”
“Uh-huh.” He nodded. “Who else is going to put up with your prudish tendencies?”
“I am not a prude!”
He gave her the patented Kincaid stare.
“Well, if I’m a prude, then you’re a manwhore.”
“Did we or did we not agree to never use that word again?”
“As long as you continue to call me a prude, then I’ll call you a manwhore.”
“I love you,” he said, laughing.
“I’ll marry you, Kincaid, on one condition.”
“What?”
“I want your car.”
“Ellie? You want Ellie?” He looked stricken, and Lily nearly laughed out loud.
“Yes.”
He got up and started to pace. “I can buy you any car you want, Lily Bells. Just name it and I’ll have it sitting in the hospital parking lot today.”
“I want your car, Nikoli.”
Nikoli took a deep breath and came over to sit on her bed. He leaned down until all she could see were his eyes. They were warm, and she could see the love in their dark depths. “If it means I get you, then fine, Milaya, you can have my car.”
Her mouth dropped open. He’d give her the car? He loved that car…he loved her. He really loved her if he was willing to hand over the one thing he loved more than anything.
“Well, how about you just let me drive the car once in a while?”
He grinned. “Is that a yes?”
“Don’t you think it’s too soon, though?” she fretted as he leaned back. “We’ve only known each other a couple of months.”
“My father married my mother a week after he met her. Kincaid men waste no time in staking a claim when it matters. I love you, Lily. Not for a week or a month or a year. I will love you when I’m old and gray, when I’m too senile to remember your name, but I’ll still remember that I love you. I don’t need months or years to know I want you to be my wife. You’re all I need, all I’ll ever need. Marry me, Lily. Please.”
“Yes, Kincaid, I’ll marry you.”
He leaned over and placed a butterfly kiss on her lips. “I love you, Lily.”
“I love you too, Nikoli.”
He smiled and kissed her softly once more, but her eyes were drooping shut.
“Sleep, sweetheart, just sleep.”
Epilogue
The Christmas tree was a mess. They were all gathered at Adam’s family home for the holidays, and his mother had left them in charge of decorating it. She, Nikoli, Adam, and the twins were staring at the lopsided tree with both horror and awe. All the ornaments were on, the lights twinkled at them, but it was the Leaning Tower of Pine.