I wanted a real diary, but there wasn’t time to visit a stationery store, so instead I ran down to Thrift Drug and got you. According to your cover, you’re an “Official Popeye the Sailor Spiral-Bound Notebook, copyright © 1959 King Features Syndicate.” When I look into your wizened face, Popeye, I know you’re a man I can trust.
On this day in 1816, the French frigate Medusa went aground off the west coast of Africa — so says my Manner’s Pocket Companion. “Of the 147 who escaped on a raft, most were murdered by their mates and either thrown overboard or eaten. Only 15 survived.”
I think we can do better than that. For a company cobbled together at the last minute, they seem like a pretty smart bunch. Big Joe Spicer brought his own sextant aboard, always a good sign in a navigator. Dolores Haycox, the zaftig third mate, passed the surprise quiz I gave her without a hiccup. (I had her calculate her distance from a hypothetical bold shore based on the interval between a ship’s foghorn blast and the echo.) Marbles Rafferty, the gloomy first officer, is a particularly poetic choice for this mission — his great-grandfather was owned by a family of Florida Keys salvage masters, those vainglorious 19th-century sailors who were, Ockham informs me, “immortalized by John Wayne and Raymond Massey in Reap the Wild Wind.”
I already knew Sam Follingsbee was a brilliant cook, but tonight’s fried chicken was indistinguishable from Colonel Sanders’s secret recipes, both Original and Extra Crispy. An odd talent, this genius for mediocrity. Crock O’Connor, the chief engineer, is the sort of affable Alabama yarn spinner who claims he invented the twist-off bottle cap but receives no royalties thanks to the knavery of an unscrupulous patent attorney. He’s been giving us our 18 knots, so who am I to call him a liar? Lou Chickering, the blond and handsome first assistant engineer — our very own Billy Budd — is a stage actor from Philly who once tried to make it on Broadway and now spends his off-hours organizing talent shows in the deckies’ recreation room. His specialty is Shakespeare, and even our illiterates were beguiled by his performance last night of Ariel’s song from The Tempest. (“Full fathom five thy father lies…”) Bud Ramsey, the second engineer, is a pornography collector, beer connoisseur, and seven-card-stud fanatic. It’s refreshing, I think, when a man wears his vices on his sleeve. And backing us up: 38 gratefully employed sailors — 23 men and 15 women — scattered among our decks, galleys, engine rooms, and cargo-control stations. I enjoy browsing through their resumйs. We’ve got a minor-league center fielder on board (Albany Bullets), a former clown (Hunt Brothers Circus), an ex-con (armed robbery), a spot-welder, an auto assembly-line worker, a Revlon saleslady, an Army corporal, a dog trainer, a Chinese math teacher (junior high), a taxi driver, three Desert Storm vets, and a full-blooded Lakota Sioux named James Echohawk.
A great mass of spilled oil — one of those “floating particulate petroleum residues” — has coagulated off Cameroon: that’s the story I’ve been feeding anybody who asks. When Carpco realized the Vatican had gotten wind of the disaster, they offered the Pope a deaclass="underline" keep Greenpeace and the U.N. off our backs, and we’ll remove the asphalt posthaste. And we won’t just sink it, either. We’ll tow it to shore, chop it up, and refine the fragments into free oil for burgeoning African industries. Great, said Rome, but we’re sending Father Ockham to supervise.
So: a secret operation, get it, men? Hush-hush, understand? That’s why we don’t signal passing ships, turn on our running lights, or let anybody phone home.
“Okay, but why so damn fast?” Crock O’Connor wants to know. “We’re practicing to be the first supertanker ever to win the America’s Cup?”
“The asphalt’s a menace to navigation,” I explain. “The sooner we get there, the better.”
“Last night I left my empty orange-juice glass on the table,” the man persists, “and the damn thing scooted right up to the edge and fell, singing all the way. We’re vibrating, Captain. We’re gonna crack the fucking hull.”
He’s right, actually. Run your ULCC in a straight line at 18 knots with empty cargo bays, and before long you’ll start flapping apart like a ’57 Chevy.
There are ways to soothe a shivering ship without losing too much time. I’m using every trick in the book: changing speed briefly, altering course slightly, shutting down entirely for a minute or two and coasting — anything to break the rhythm of the waves hitting our stem. So far it’s working. So far we’re still in one piece.
At dawn the sea turtles came.
Hundreds of them, Popeye, swimming through my dreams, their shells glistening with Texas crude. Then the snowy egrets arrived, black as crows, then the roseate spoonbills, the blue herons…
I awoke in a sweat. I took a shower, dried off, read Act I of The Tempest — Prospero raising the storm and drawing the royal ship to his enchanted island, Miranda falling hopelessly in love with the castaway prince Ferdinand — and drank a glass of warm milk. At 0800 I finally got back to sleep.
The urge to pray was intense, but Cassie Fowler, who at age forty-one knew better than to believe in God, had so far managed to resist. There are no atheists in foxholes: a clever maxim, she felt — deft, wry, and appealing. And she was determined to prove it wrong.
For over fifteen hot, wretched, thirsty hours Cassie had endured her aquatic foxhole, a rubber dinghy adrift in the North Atlantic, and in all that time she’d been true to herself, never asking God for assistance. Cassie was a woman of integrity — a woman who’d spent the first decade of her adulthood writing antireligious, money-losing off-Broadway plays (the sorts of satires the critics termed “biting” when authored by a male and “strident” if by a female) — a woman who, having devoted most of her thirties to acquiring a Ph.D. in biology, had elected to teach at dull, hidebound Tarrytown Community College, a place where the students were unlikely to form positive opinions about either feminism or evolution without her intervention, and where she was free to conduct oddball little experiments (her initial finding being that, given the opportunity, the male Norway rat exhibits instincts toward its young every bit as nurturing as the female) without pressure to pull down a grant or publish her results.
Were Cassie’s situation any less desperate, it would have been comic, in a Samuel Beckett sort of way. Maneuvering the dinghy with a Ping-Pong paddle. Bailing it out with an Elvis Presley memorial drinking cup. Sheltering her bikini-clad body with a Betty Boop beach towel. “Help,” she gasped into the transceiver mike, furiously working the generator crank. “Please, somebody… heading east… last known latitude, two degrees north… last known longitude, thirty-seven west… help me.” No answer. Not one word. She might as well be praying.
To the east, she knew, lay Saint Paul’s Rocks, a tiny volcanic archipelago strung along the equator. The Rocks promised little — a chance to gather her strength, a reprieve from the endless bailing — but at this point a meaningless destination was better than none at all.
An authentic reenactment of Charles Darwin’s historic voyage undertaken on an exact replica of his ship: what a marvelous concept for a cruise, she’d thought on reading the brochure, a kind of Club Med vacation for rationalists. All during the flight to England, Cassie had imagined herself reporting back to her friends in the Central Park West Enlightenment League, proudly projecting her 35mm color slides of the Galapagos Islands’ native finches and lizards (she was planning to shoot over fifty rolls of film), descendants of the very beasts from whose anatomies Darwin had inferred that Creation traced not to the hand of God Almighty but to something far more interesting — and she’d continued to indulge in such cheerful fantasies when, on June 12, the Beagle II left the Cornish port of Charlestown, her twenty-four berths jammed with an unlikely assortment of biology professors, armchair naturalists, and spoiled college dropouts being deported by their exasperated parents. The itinerary devised by Maritime Adventures, Incorporated, had the Beagle II following Darwin’s precise route, with the exception of an about-face at Joas Pessoa so they might avail themselves of the Panama Canal and save seven months. Once they’d explored the Galapagos, a jetliner out of Guayaquil would take them back to England.