Not for the first time, Evie thought about why she’d prefer to marry someone other than a cop. Two cops, both with days like this, there wouldn’t be any room to breathe. She needed someone who didn’t carry these kinds of troubles home with him. “Ann?”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me to stop thinking.”
Ann chuckled. “You could say the same to me. It’s a night for it.”
Evie went back to studying the stars. Spread out above her, they filled the night sky. She considered praying, but what was there to say? God, I don’t know what to do with my future? She’d been having that conversation with Him for the last four years. A few decisions on the edges had been made, but nothing seemed like a certain direction.
She knew God was simply letting her have time to think, to decide what it was she really wanted. That was the pleasure of being His daughter. Within wide boundaries, she could choose the path, and God would be fine with her decision.
“You’re still thinking too hard,” Ann commented, looking over with a smile.
“Ever been so uncertain about something that you ended up not deciding at all?” Evie asked.
Ann didn’t say anything for a long beat. “I’m fine with the future looking like today. That’s a decision of its own.”
Evie looked over at Ann. “I don’t want things to change.”
Ann shrugged. “That’s a decision. Don’t knock it. Oftentimes it’s the right one too.”
“Why would I want things to change?” Evie agreed.
“It doesn’t eliminate answering the questions, since change keeps coming whether you want it to or not. But if there isn’t a reason for a change, why do it? I lived a lot of years content with life, perfectly fine with having the future look like the present.”
“And then…?”
“Paul showed up. It’s not easy, that transition to being married. It can be a disconcerting shift in day-to-day life, but it becomes an ‘at home’ place of its own, if it’s a wisely chosen marriage.”
“Better than single?”
Ann was quiet again, then said, “Not better than single, just different. It has its own dynamics. I wouldn’t change being married to be single again because Paul is in the equation. But put any generic guy in the picture, I’d probably be happier being single than married. Paul is the reason this marriage is a success. I got very lucky-very blessed-with the guy who chose me.”
“You didn’t go looking for him?”
Ann smiled. “I gave him every reason I could come up with for us not to be more than friends, and he saw something appealing enough in what the marriage could be that he kept pursuing it. It came down to trusting that he was right, and saying yes even though I knew there was risk involved. It felt like stepping off a cliff when I made it, but I don’t regret the decision. Never will.”
“I wouldn’t have figured there was a struggle,” Evie said. “Not looking at you today.”
“Some days God smiles at you, and Paul was one of those blessings that just showed up when I wasn’t looking for it. God is nice that way.”
Evie was pretty sure Rob was not her Paul. The man had a lot going for him, but it didn’t feel at all like Ann’s experience-not that she was trying for the same journey, but she liked the outcome Ann had found. She’d like, in her own way, to end up with at least something like that one day.
Yeah, she was thinking too hard. She went back to counting stars and wondering if they might be God’s brushstrokes tonight to keep her occupied.
Gabriel Thane
Restless, Gabriel drove out to the campground just after eight p.m. and found Ann and Evie sitting by the fire. He looked at the dark motor home behind them. “Grace already turned in for the night?”
“Josh talked her into going his way for popcorn and a movie,” Evie said.
Gabriel got himself a cold soda and took one of the extra chairs. “I hope it’s a good distraction, helps her sleep tonight.”
“She needs to get far away from Carin County,” Ann remarked. “When she leaves, when this is done, thankfully she won’t be coming back-won’t again be facing all the memories lumped together like this.”
“Josh will be saying goodbye a second time.” Gabe sighed, shook his head. “It’ll be as hard on him as it was back then, probably harder.” He stretched out his legs, looked over at Evie, smiled at the sight she made on the blanket, feet crossed at the ankles and propped on a log. “Nice camping spot. Great view of the stars tonight.”
“Come out to see Grace about anything in particular?” Evie asked.
“Mom would like her to come over for dinner tomorrow. Figured I would invite her, if Josh hasn’t already.”
“That’s very kind of your mom,” Ann said. “Evie, maybe you could stay here until Grace is back, tend the fire, make sure she’s okay? I can take the convertible to pick up Paul-and I’m putting the top up. Maybe Gabe can bring you back to your place?”
“Sure,” he put in, “no problem.”
“I’m not planning to move for a while,” Evie said, tossing the car keys from her pocket across to Ann. “I’m still counting stars. I hate to leave a job unfinished. Tell your husband I’d like his pancakes for breakfast,” Evie requested. “I’m partial to his cooking over yours or mine.”
“A wise choice,” Ann agreed as she stood. “Gabriel, you and I need to talk soon about Will and Karen.”
He looked her direction, blinked, sighed again. “Don’t take this wrong, but I’d actually forgotten about them. Text me when you’re turning in. I’ll call you when I get home if I haven’t heard anything from you before then.”
“That works.”
Gabriel followed her over to the yellow rental to help with the top. He watched her car lights fade, settled back into his chair, listened to the night sounds and finished his soda, enjoying the peace of the moment.
“You don’t need to stay, Gabriel,” Evie said. “I’m sure Josh could run me home when he brings Grace back. Wander up to your brother’s place, say hello to Grace. Josh might be in dire need of help if she’s crying again.”
“Josh can handle Grace. The best thing for her would be just that kind of open, honest grief.” He reached for a long stick and stirred the fire. “He made her a Valentine’s Day card, back when he was in the sixth grade. That’s what I remember most about Josh and Grace, that sweet crush he had on her. Made me proud to be his brother, even if I did give him some minor grief about having a girlfriend. I mostly wished I had one too.”
She smiled. “Childhood days are the innocent ones. We don’t see the evil lurking around us.” She studied him across the firelight. “You okay, Gabriel?”
He shook his head. “I’ve been better.”
“I bet your dad is having an equally hard night.”
“He’s got Mom. She won’t let the grief overpower him. He didn’t know any of this, but it doesn’t lessen the pain of it now.”
“Your father would have stepped in front of a train for that little girl-both Ashley and Grace. He would have dealt with this hard and fast, if he’d known.”
Gabriel nodded and watched the fire. He was grateful that nothing else was needed of him tonight. He felt at his limit.
“Grace couldn’t talk about it.” Evie looked over at him. “You know that, don’t you, more than just the theory of it? She couldn’t talk about it or she would have. He’d destroyed her world, her sense of self, so completely that telling someone wasn’t possible. She was only six years old. She buried it in order to keep breathing, simply to survive.”