She would content herself with this. Kyle was Kyle. Brilliant and aloof, not given to 'blather', but somehow, he deigned to fall in love with her. With silly nervous little Tracy, who had never figured out why he choseher when he could have had anyone. She had actually beengrateful when he proposed to her, since they had broken up only several months before, leaving her bereft, full of self-loathing and loss, begging him to take her back, which he eventually did.
They met at Rice University, when Tracy was a sophomore and Kyle a junior. They were both 19, but Kyle was on a 'fast track', due to advanced placement courses in high school and a narrowly ambitious pre-med program that would get him out of college in three years.
Tracy got an apartment her junior year and, while ostensibly still in the dorms, Kyle essentially moved in, only staying on campus when 'things were too intense' in the relationship. It was understood, at least by Tracy, that they would one day marry, maybe after she finished graduate school in a field she had yet to determine.
In fact, they married when they did as a practical matter, since his parents didn't approve of their 'living in sin' and had told them they would not help with medical school costs if they didn't marry. Since there was no way Tracy could do it on her bank teller salary, even with the sizable loans they could get, she and Kyle agreed to marry right after Kyle graduated, telling each other they would have done it anyway, later, so why not now?
Tracy's half formed ideas of world travel before 'settling down' vanished at the thought of becoming Mrs. Kyle Becker. It seemed so grownup and exciting, and the tall handsome Kyle Becker wanted her to be his wife. Things moved quickly after that, and they were married, hitting the ground running with medical school, never really having the chance to look back.
Maybe it was because he had finally finished all the training, and was a full-fledged staff doctor. Maybe that was why Tracy was allowing herself to think these disloyal, almost 'blasphemous' thoughts about Kyle and their relationship. He no longer 'needed' her, at least financially, but now that it was her turn to stay home and have babies, he wasn't upholding his end of the 'deal'. He didn't seem to want children at all, though he denied it. There was always a sound, rational reason why it wasn't a good time.
As much as she wanted children, maybe he was right. If he didn't want children, should she try to force him to bring a baby into the world, especially now that she was questioning their very union? No. She wasn't doing that. Was she? She wasn't suggesting they split up. They were Kyle and Tracy. The names went together. Kyle and Tracy are coming over for dinner. Call Kyle and Tracy, and see if they want to go to the movies with us. It had been Kyle and Tracy all her adult life, she realized, and now that she had allowed these dangerous seeds of sedition to be planted in her brain, was she watering them by 'talking' with this 'Sir Stephen'?
She and Sir Stephen typed back and forth for a while longer, until Tracy heard the front door opening, and knew Kyle was home. Again, she had forgotten dinner. Guiltily she hurriedly typed to Sir Stephen that she had to go, and logged off. Rushing into the kitchen, she pulled out some hamburger meat and a head of lettuce.
"Hey there," Kyle said, as he breezed in. He leaned down and lightly kissed the top of Tracy's head. "What's for dinner?"
"Oh, um, just hamburgers, I guess. I was late getting home." Another lie. It seemed as if ever since she had gotten online the lies just slipped out of her mouth like little toads.
Kyle seemed unconcerned, but remarked, "Well, hurry up, will you? I missed lunch today and I'm starving."
Tracy thought, with some irritation, that he always expectedher to have the dinner ready, even though, since he'd finished his residency, he was usually home before she was. Not only was she still expected to do all the cooking and cleaning, she realized a little belatedly that he hadn't been in the least interested in why she was supposedly late from work. Nor had he volunteered why he was an hour later than usual.
She didn't say a word. She didn't dare bring up the housework thing – and, anyway, it seemed so trivial, since soon she would be a full time mom anyway. She didn't ask him why he was late, either, since it would no doubt come round to her, and she would have to lie again.
With a small sigh, Tracy mixed seasonings into her hamburger meat and formed the patties. She thought about Sir Stephen, wondering what he looked like, what he was doing right now. Her fingers itched with the desire to log back on the computer and 'talk' with him, but the rest of her dutifully and sensibly continued what she was doing. After all, Kyle was hungry.
CHAPTER 2
As the weeks passed, Kyle and Tracy seemed to grow more and more distant. He was often late, sometimes by as much as two hours. He volunteered that he had a heavy patient load now, and had to make 'good' as the junior doctor on staff.
Until recently, his long hours away from her would have upset Tracy, though she wouldn't have protested. Before discovering 'the Palace' she had basically lived from moment to moment that Kyle was around. She didn't attend the bank 'happy hours' on Fridays, preferring to rush home to her husband. She didn't have many friends, and Kyle discouraged her from spending too much time with those she had.
"We're all we need," he liked to tell her, as he caught her in a big bear hug. She was delighted with this, thinking it spoke to his total love and adoration of her. She patiently explained to girlfriends that she couldn't go with them to the movies or shopping, because Kyle needed her to be there. She felt secretly superior to them, because she and Kyle had 'real love.'
Now, she was almost relieved when he didn't come home. She still didn't spend time with girlfriends, or attend bank functions after hours. Oh no. She was rushing home to her new secret life online. She was rushing home to Sir Stephen, though she wasn't at the point to admit that yet. She still 'talked' to others on the site, and actually did check out some cooking and parenting sites, but in her heart of hearts, it was Sir Stephen she looked for, hoped to see, when she waited for her internet connection.
Sir Stephen was charming, easygoing and never pressed her. He seemed to find her witty and educated. There was no Kyle to compare her with, and she realized that she loved it. She found an old photo and sent it to the bulletin board, which scanned it for her and posted it in the 'picture library.' To her utter delight, Sir Stephen wrote her an email extolling her beauties, and actually made her blush as she read it – which she did, about fifty times.
"I love the shape of your face," he wrote. "Your round cheeks tapering into that cute pointy little chin. Are you sure you're 28? You look more like 19. And those eyes! Tracy, those eyes could kill a man, so blue, like a perfect autumn sky. And your dark, lovely hair, curling against that white and pink skin. You're like some lovely peach I could just eat!
"I'll have to unearth some photo for you. I'm afraid I'm nothing special at all. I'll probably scare you away. Perhaps I should let your fantasy of me live on, whatever it is. What is the point, after all, since we're unlikely to ever meet."
That made Tracy inexplicably sad. She realized with a jolt that he was probably right; why would they meet? After all, she was a married woman. She thought back to when she had confessed this to him.
"Sir Stephen, you should know something about me." Her heart pounded, as she realized this might be the end of their 'relationship' such as it was. He was, after all, looking for a 'real life lover.'
"Yes?"
"Well, I'm married."