“The grass is greener.”
“Well, maybe. Though the general does seem to be getting more and more short-tempered. He wants her to do everything right, but she can’t figure out what everything is or how to know if she’s doing it right. The only bright spot is the general’s son. He makes her laugh.”
“She’s not that much older than he is, is she?”
“By now he’s ten. She’s just turned seventeen. She helps him with his schoolwork, especially his calligraphy, showing him the different styles. The boy’s tutor compliments her. She writes how she can’t wait to have children of her own. But they won’t have tutors, she says. She’ll send them to school, so they can be out in the world. Then she gets pregnant.”
“When are we up to?”
“Spring 1940.”
“What does the general think?”
“He’s pleased and very proud-of himself. And he tells her now she’ll stay home until the baby’s born.”
“Oh, no.”
“ ‘Oh, no’ is right. Her whole reason for marrying him flies out the window. To be stuck at home was bad enough, but to be stuck at his home! But he absolutely won’t have her seen in public in her condition. They fight about it more than once. Finally he doesn’t want to fight anymore, so he smacks her.”
“Shit.”
“It’s the first time, but not the last. She gets more and more desperate. She’s alternately belligerent and weepy. He doesn’t think either is charming. In fact, he doesn’t think she’s charming at all, with her big belly and swollen feet. He leaves her locked up at the villa and starts tomcatting around with some White Russian torch singer from the Cathay’s nightclub.”
“From the Cathay? That’s particularly low.”
“When the baby’s born he gives Mei-lin an emerald bracelet. Within two weeks he’s demanding sex again. She writes how beautiful the bracelet is, all sparkling and glamorous, but she can’t bear to wear it unless he orders her to. She’d give it, and everything else, to have her old life back. The only thing she wouldn’t give is the baby. They name him Li. It’s a word with a lot of meanings, but the character she writes it with means ‘power.’ She’s allowed to go out again, and mostly she goes to her father’s house. Rosalie comes over and they play with the baby in the garden. Sometimes Paul comes, sometimes she brings the general’s son along-he adores his little brother, too-and sometimes Kai-rong’s there. Kai-rong never says ‘I told you so,’ but one day he goes to the general’s villa and, I gather, threatens bad things if he ever sees another mark on his sister.”
“How does the general react?”
“Like any coward. From then on when he’s mad he storms around and curses Kai-rong, but he doesn’t hit Mei-lin again. She can’t stop being scared, though. That’s pretty much it for a long time, I mean years. The entries get shorter and fewer, more time between them. There are a couple of high points, especially Rosalie and Kai-rong’s wedding in ’forty-two, but Mei-lin just gets lonelier and sadder and the whole thing is pretty depressing.”
“Is that why you stopped?”
“No, I stopped because you were early.”
“By ten minutes. You’d have had the rest done in the next ten minutes?”
“Of course I would have. First of all, I’m a genius. Second, I only had half a dozen left, and most of them are short.”
“Well, genius, you have just about those ten minutes now, if my navigation’s right.”
“Then shush.”
I scanned the last diary pages. The first four were more of the same: Mei-lin unhappy, trapped, and frightened. Then came the next to last. I could see the sharp change even before I read the words: Elegant calligraphy suddenly melted into shaky trails of characters. “This is February 23, 1943. She writes Kai-rong’s been arrested as a Communist spy. Even her father can’t get him out. They’ve taken him to Number 76, and she knows what that means. She’s begged the general to do something, but he won’t.”
“Won’t, or can’t?”
“Won’t. He has the juice, but he says traitors like Kairong are scum and deserve to rot. She can’t believe it-a collaborator like him calling Kai-rong a traitor. Then she says she’s hated the general for a long time, but never more than now.
“That entry ends there. The next one-the last-is from the next morning. Totally different. Even her handwriting changes, back to that beautiful calligraphy again. She writes she’s got a plan. Here:
“ ‘I spoke with Major Ulrich. I said I’ll bring the list the police want. He’s promised to stop them from hurting Kai-rong, and also to say nothing to the general-though his price was high! And would be higher if he knew everything I’m planning, which of course I didn’t tell him! Though I don’t believe he’d stop me out of loyalty to the Japanese or friendship for the general. Such a nasty man.
“ ‘But Rosalie agreed to his price, for Kai-rong! What choice is there? As soon as the car’s ready I’ll take little Li to his Aunt Rosalie-they love each other so much! He won’t cry when I leave him there. If Kai-rong really does have this list, I know where he keeps it: in that leather case he’s shut quickly, twice, when I entered his room without warning. The first time was years ago, soon after he came home. He teased and made a game of it, he keeping his secret, me trying to guess. I said it was letters from his secret love. He turned red as a rose! That was the moment I knew he did have a secret love. Oh, what days those were, when we laughed! I had so much, and I didn’t know! I thought I was miserable, locked inside the villa walls. Kairong warned me, but I wouldn’t listen. Of course he was right-I had no idea what misery was.
“ ‘The second time was less than a month ago. Rosalie was with Cook when I arrived, so I went to see Kai-rong. He swiftly closed the case as I entered. Our game of years ago came flying back, and jokingly I demanded to know what was in the secret case. I suppose I was hoping to recapture that time. But he didn’t even smile. He said I must never ask, and never say a word to anyone that the case was here.
“ ‘I’ve never asked myself what Kai-rong was doing on his trips to the north. More than once Father told Kai-rong he was wrong, that there was no wheat or salt, no kerosene or coal to be brought from Russia or Mongolia. He wanted Kai-rong to give up this idea of northern opportunity and stay in Shanghai, but Kai-rong insisted and kept traveling. I thought he was only stubborn. As I’ve always been, right or wrong.
“ ‘I think Rosalie knew. She said she’d been afraid something like this would happen-why would she be, if she had no idea, if she thought it was only business he was traveling for?
“ ‘I hear the gravel crunch-the car’s rolling up the drive. Soon the houseboy will come to say the driver’s ready, and Amah will bring little Li. I look at these pages and feel like laughing. How many times did Teacher Lu tell me the practice of calligraphy would steady my nerves? He made me so angry-all the old ways made me angry! And yet, why have I been rattling on, writing down every thought in my head, if not to calm myself for the day to come?
“ ‘I’ll pack up my pens now-if I can’t find Kai-rong’s list, I swear I’ll invent one! Rosalie will be ready. I won’t tell her my fears. What good would that do? She’s beside herself with worry as it is, and with the new little one growing inside her she has more than enough to think of. Major Ulrich’s price is very hard on her, but she’d give any treasure, all treasures, to save Kai-rong. Oh, how I wish I’d just once felt a love like that! The value of the thing will mean nothing-though it’s everything to that German vulture!-but the tie to her mother will make it painful to give up.